Ted Vents His Anger

London Riots - The Rant

2011-08-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

When I was studying at university, my lecturer casually mentioned one morning how it was a good time for us to be studying. Jobs were hard to come by and the cost of living was quite expensive. He enthused that there would be light at the end of the tunnel after our three years of study. In some regard, there was truth to what he was saying. We were one of the last years to have our student fees capped. On the other hand, my lecturer hadn't counted on the Recession lasting after we'd finished our degrees and uncertainty in getting a job proved to be higher. We've had a number of protests in the past few years over soldiers receiving orders to fight in countries unnecessarily, banks receiving more money than necessary, universities receiving cuts to funding in moves deemed necessary by Government. This most recent protest is different...

The motives of this protest happening in London and elsewhere isn't as apparent as others. Unexpectedly, the shooting of a man by police became the cause celebre for young people which they hi-jacked to suit their own means. What comes across is that the riots are an excuse to justify the stealing of TVs, burning of buildings and further destruction of property. This taints the initial meaning of what was a peaceful protest and will probably make it much harder for people to get the answers that they want.

On the other hand, these young people have felt oppressed for a very long time. The protests which occurred beforehand have made little to no difference to the running of the World. David Cameron is still Prime Minister and the Coalition still in force, the banks are still operating and soldiers are still fighting abroad in Afghanistan. Like WWI before it, this might well have been the spark to ignite the fury of the Oppressed.

On the subject of sparks igniting violence, I saw this video on YouTube:

A lot of people have been calling for stronger retaliation to be used, whether it be rubber bullets, water cannons, the army and so on. Doing this would be expensive and thus it should only be done if necessary. As the worst of the rioting has already happened, in this scenario it would be pointless getting the Army involved. Besides, the Army is busy elsewhere with foreign interests in mind.

The cause for rioting would be noble if it wasn't so heavily incoherent. One report on BBC News features two girls talking about how they believed it was the 'Government's fault' ('Conservatives...or whatever') and they were targeting the 'rich people' and 'people with businesses' (or whatever). While, of course, this particular item was broadcast for shock value, it's sickening to think that there are people out there can be so oblivious to what they're rioting about that they use re-runs of Mock the Week to affirm their political stances. If they had at least addressed how they were unable to get a job, or how public services they used (i.e. a library) were being excised or even how they were being charged more than they could afford for Higher Education, I could sympathise. But alas, they were rioting for fun along with half-assed barely political motives above all else.

I saw someone talking about these riots being 'revolution' on Facebook and how it was 'About time we had a Riot or two to show those Governmentfags what we, the people are made of..' The stupidity of this statement sickened me no end. To summarise, protesting is fine when there is a worthy and justifiable reason. What has happened these past few days is counter-productive to achieving whatever aims people set out to accomplish. If you're going to riot, make sure it's over something worthwhile, for all our sakes.

Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

2011-07-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

Following the success of Frank, something was missing from Amy Winehouse's career - creative control. This came in the form of Back to Black which featured a majority of tracks written by Winehouse herself. The music was influenced by girl-bands like The Supremes and featured less acrobatic vocals from Winehouse. The production changed from a crisp jazzy atmosphere to a organic, overwhelming sound inspired by Phil Spector's Wall-of-Sound. This change came from Mark Ronson being behind the mixing desk although Frank producer Salaam Remi featured on some tracks.

The uniting factor for both Frank and Back to Black was the autobiographical lyrical content. This time around however, the content was much darker dealing with Winehouse's on-off relationships with drugs and Blake Fielder-Civil, her then-lover. Winehouse's relationships with both these things is heavily volatile as oft shown in the tabloids. On record, she speaks angrily of how her lover has treated her on Black to Back (You go back to her/And I'll go back to black") before explicitly describing how he makes her feel ("When he comes to me/I drip for him tonight") on Wake Up Alone. As for drugs, Winehouse is defiant that there is no problem on songs like Rehab (They tried to make me go to rehab/But I said no no no). This defiance was apparent on Frank albeit but this time around, we're proving harder to convince with the conflicting emotions shown on Back to Black. We see the closest thing to domestic bliss on final track 'Addicted' (the most Frank-like track on the album) where she humourously complains about airport security and her lover stealing her 'homegrown'.

On occasion, the production from Ronson and Remi sugarcoats the lyrical content. The torture experienced by Winehouse does not match the brassy For example, the demo version of 'Love is a Losing Game' is far superior to the album version because Winehouse's voice conveys the message more effectively with less instrumentation. In the same way, the down-tempo version of Some Unholy War is more fitting with the lyrics. It is interesting to note that the bonus disc for Back to Black features a number of ska covers. Could this have been a possible musical direction for the third album?

This record took an interesting musical direction influencing countless carbon copies of vintage R&B starlets. The difference between them and Winehouse was the sharp lyrical content. Back to Black offered just a brief glimpse into the turmoil experienced by Amy Winehouse. It's a shame that we'll never see vindication for this in with a third album. Instead, we must make the most of the gifts left by her while she was here with us (and the inevitable posthumous collections we'll be overwhelmed by).

The Vines - Future Primitive

2011-07-20T13:12:00.000-07:00

A while ago, I included Vision Valley in a list of 'Worst Albums.' I acknowledge now (as I think I did before) that the inclusion of this album was a bit of a cop-out so that the list was a more satisfying 5. While it wasn't as bad as The Close-Ups or Those The Brokes by the Magic Numbers, it had the problem of being too rushed (the majority of the songs are no longer than 2 minutes) and predictable (songs are either rockers or mellow).

This year, The Vines released a new album called Future Primitive to the indifference of consumers and critics (I only found out about it on Wikipedia). No new ground is broken with this release. The problems encountered in Vision Valley and Melodia still prevail in this record. The structures remain repetitve and stale. In an attempt to make the record sound modern, drum machines appear in the title track and All That You Do. We have synth parts in STW (more about that later). These tricks don't work unsurprisingly.

The lyrics to some songs are very 'Moon-June-Spoon' like on Candy Flippin' Girl (what the hell is one of those?) with couplets like "Out in sun is where she plays/Just having fun lost in a daze." For all those who remember the first and second album (remember how negatively the latter was received?), Craig Nicholls et al have included ANOTHER sequel to Autumn Shade and a bowdlerised version of 'Fuck The World' called 'Screw The World.' Take that, the man!

In Future Primitive's favour, the second half of the album has songs which last longer than two minutes and don't follow the formula of verse-chorus-verse-chorus-solo (playing vocal line)-chorus-end. However, this increase in time doesn't mean there's anything extra or important said. All That You Do is coupled with an Outro which both contain the same Bloc Party-esque drum-pattern. The Outro is also indulgent at 4 minutes long bombarding the listener with beeps, sped-up vocals and random samples. Revolution 9, it ain't!

But all is not lost, dear listeners. Get out those old, dusty copies of Highly Evolved and Winning Days (it's not all that bad!) from when you were 12. Go onto YouTube and find that clip of Craig Nicholls going apeshit on Letterman. Those were the days, my friend (even though Craig's outbursts now look embarrassing and cringeworthy). Future Primitive, as an album, says nothing new about the band other than they are tired and starving. Really, really starving.

Now That It's All Over...

2011-06-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

I finished university over two weeks ago and came back home to Windsor for good. I would have finished earlier had it not been for the retaking of a coursework and a resit for an exam from last year. Currently, I am awaiting the results for these as well as work I have done in my Final Year. If I have completed the year successfully, I will be able to attend Graduation which will require me to sit in a large, stuffy room for hours before receiving a rolled up piece of paper with a pretty ribbon attached to it.

After this, I have no idea what I am going to do career-wise. No longer can I use the excuse of finding out what opportunities the university can provide because there haven't been many available. Ones which have been made available are not appropriate for me, in my opinion. In other words, from what was shown, I was able to discover that I knew what I didn't want to do, but not what I wanted to do, outside of it being to do with music. It will be the first time in my life that I don't know what's going to happen next. Up to this point, I have always known the next cause of action. At 16, I knew I was going to be in Sixth Form, at 18, I knew I was going to be attending university but at 21, I'm at a blank.

One aim I do wish to achieve is to get a job. Not necessarily music-related, just a normal, 9 to 5, basic job. I have been giving out CVs to everywhere that will take them like nobody's business so it's a matter of seeing who takes the bait first. Given the current climate (the Unemployment Rate currently stands at 2.46 million), I know finding a job won't be easy. My reluctance to pursue a musical career is partly because of this unemployment situation - if it's impossible to find a normal job, imagine how difficult it would be to find something more specialised and niche. Another aim of mine is to join a band. Given the music scene for Berkshire (or lack thereof outside of Reading), I know that this too will be difficult.

During these two weeks at home, I have been bored. Bored out of my mind. The only things keeping me sane is the reuploading of my music onto my iPod (Spotify deleted everything) and casual work with my agency. However, the work comes in drips and drabs and I am restricted in what work I can do because of my inability to drive. Nevertheless, I have to count my blessings and wait for a call from a potential employer while I laugh at the people on Jeremy Kyle despite being in the same boat myself.

The Royal Wedding - The Rant

2011-04-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

I recently went home to Windsor during Easter for a week. I went into town one day and looked around the shops. In most places, the windows had displays featuring Prince William and Kate Middleton (something about a wedding, I think?). While for some places it made sense to have such displays, others looked incredibly tacky. The garish window for the Opticians was a highlight. What the wedding has to do with wearing glasses, I don't know.

The Royal Wedding is set to be broadcast around the world and watched by billions of people. The attention being received is ironic given Prince William's apparent dislike of the media - the same media that he believes killed his mother. It has been reported that he desperately wants to live a normal life to the point where he doesn't want to be King. And that's understandable, considering how he is wrapped in cotton wool against his will and the way people behave based solely on his name and lineage. You can't help but wonder if he'd much rather have a quiet gathering at the Registrar's Office.

It seems somewhat unnatural in this day and age to herald people so highly because of what their ancestors did hundreds of years ago. With our democratically selected leaders, preaching of how people who get rewarded for their good deeds and iPods, the Royal Family seem to be the exception to the rule. They're given respect for not doing much when they should be treated like a Hilton. People who support the monarchy often mention the amount of revenue brought in through tourism. This wedding certainly won't be without its share of fat Americans adorning William and Kate themed baseball caps and waving Union Flags inanely. However, there are other places which do more for UK tourism, one of which being Legoland, which isn't far from a royal residence.

So will I be watching the Royal Wedding? No. I probably won't get up until it's over. Rather than doing this as a silent form of protest, it's because I'm incredibly lazy. And what better place is there to spend a Bank Holiday than in bed?

Robbie Williams - Rudebox

2011-04-22T11:02:00.001-07:00

In 1987, Serge Gainsbourg released his final studio album, You're Under Arrest. This was released at a time when Gainsbourg was more famous for being the French Oliver Reed (he was nicknamed 'Gainsbarre') as opposed to the statesman of French popular music. Nevertheless, You're Under Arrest showed Gainsbourg's taste for hip-hop and further showcased the eclecticism that he was famous for.

In 2006, Robbie Williams released Rudebox, a less successful foray in experimentation with hip-hop. The boyband rebel had been pedalling Britpop-esque material for the majority of his career as a knee-jerk reaction to the manufactured he had made with Barlow et al. After the negative reception to Escapology and Intensive Care, it seemed that new tactics were required. Williams collaborated with producers like Mark Ronson, William Orbit and Joey Negro. The Pet Shop Boys even feature on a song called 'We're The Pet Shop Boys.' People seemed to act as if it never existed before Williams released a more acceptable album three years later.

The first controversial aspect of Rudebox was that it featured Williams rapping. He is certainly no Eminem, Mike Skinner or even Just Jack but Williams was never one to take himself seriously. He shows his sense of humour here like on the title track, which at times can be acerbic ("Dance like you just won at the Special Olympics") or has him knowingly winking to the audience ("Cos the sheriff's after me for what I did to his daughter"). He also has moments of self-deprecation on 'Good Doctor' which makes light of his addiction to prescription drugs. The jokes run a bit thin like on 'Keep On' (which has Lily Allen singing its chorus) where the rapping feels awkward and lines 'I think with my ding-a-ling' just feel puerile and sleazy. However, it was apparent on last album, Intensive Care that Williams was tired of insincerely singing MOR ballads. There's a sense that he feels revitalised due to the change of pace.

Another controversial point on the album is the amount Williams immersed himself in that kind of music, which alienated people expecting to hear Angels Pt. II. This album is worlds apart from the Oasis-influenced pop-rock of his back catalogue. This direction had been hinted at throughout his career, from the chart-topping Rock DJ, the ho-hum Radio to the ignored Sin Sin Sin. The linear pattern suggested this album was bound to happen some time. The last controversial point was the song 'The 90s' which Robbie raps about his life in Take That and made thinly veiled digs at Gary Barlow. With lines like 'I met the other guys, one seemed like a cock' and 'But the lead singer made it hard to like him,' it's surprising to think that Williams would rejoin Take That just 4 years later.

The moments where Rudebox works are infrequent are usually when the electronic influences are more subdued like Burslem Normals or Lovelight. The rest of the time, the album feels embarrassing with trite lyrics and too much immersion in a genre of music that fans won't like Williams doing. However, like You're Under Arrest by Serge Gainsbourg twenty years earlier, we see Williams take a risk and relish in the experience regardless of what other people might think or expect from him. In short, it is art for art's sake. Rudebox will probably remain as the most polarising album Williams will ever make. If this album had been released earlier, during the peak of Williams' success, would people have been as confounded by it as they were in 2006?

Spotify - The Rant

2011-04-14T15:42:00.001-07:00

Today, it was announced that Spotify would be reducing the amount of music people could listen to with free accounts. The limit is to be slashed from 20 hours to 10 and a song can only be listened to 5 times for free. The changes are to take place from 1st May so if you like having Gang Bang by Black Lace on repeat, you better make the most of it while you can.

This news came just as I'd finished a report about online music streaming services. I was writing about how Spotify offered little extras when one purchased a premium account outside of improvement in audio quality (which wouldn't make much difference since we're all going deaf from music being too loud) and getting to hear albums before they're officially released. Once I found out this change, I had to change my position on Spotify. Of course, these changes are intended to make people buy premium accounts but isn't this a bit extreme?

The reaction to these changes has obviously not been positive. There's a feeling that Spotify has conned users by trying to get people to buy premium and going against their initial aims for trying to provide music to people for free. During my time researching for my assignment, I learnt that Spotify has previously received a lot of flak from people in both music and business for not giving enough money in royalties and the concept of 'freemium' not being viable. Perhaps these new changes are a response to these criticisms.

While I'm annoyed that I am only allowed to enjoy music for 20 minutes per day (I think!) with the new set-up, I can see why it's being done. Artists want money for their songs being streamed and Spotify needs to get it somehow. At least the free option hasn't been eradicated altogether (although it could still happen). If music piracy suddenly increases, I know who to rest the blame on.

NME - The Rant

2011-04-12T13:27:00.000-07:00

The magazine is a dying artform. It faces becoming obsolete as the internet slowly becomes more popular and resourceful. It also helps that one can see things on the internet for free as and when they happen instead of trudging to Tesco to pay the equivalent of £115 per month to find out old news. To try and keep them alive that little bit longer, magazines have tried to be more sensational. It's not just magazines that have done this, newspapers are the same, as Charlie Brooker explains...

The prime example of this sensationalism for survival is none other than the New Musical Express. Once a reliable source on what was good in popular music, it has become the thing that puts the 'pop' in populist with unconstructive criticism, character assassination and an all-round sense of superiority oozing from every page. Bands come to blows with each other, fighting it out at the mercy of an imperatorial magazine. Even if a band wins NME's favour, there's no guarantee that it will last...

Let's take an average review (pardon the pun), the latest album by The Young Knives perhaps? In this review (http://www.nme.com/reviews/young-knives/11931), it is suggested that 'the listener [will] switch over to The Archers' instead of listening to this album and suggests that people who like XTC are 'saddos.' The alleged faults of songs are not explained aside from one song definitely causing "mild murmurs of ‘meh.’" It can only be seen from this review that in the eyes of NME, The Young Knives are 'square.' Constructive, NME, really constructive. At least Pitchfork have the decency to explain their views however irrational they might be.

Recently, there was an uproar over a blog (oh no, not another argument on the internet!) posted by Rick Martin where he claimed that "you don’t need to own music to enjoy it." Apparently, illegally downloading a song by your favourite artist is perfectly acceptable. Martin also claims that people who work in music shops are "socially-inadequate, sniffy twerps." Another memorable quote in the blog suggested that labels should focus signing bands with "kids buying guitars, clothes and drugs rather than records." Clearly having a nice pair of shoes is more important than a decent music taste. Further proof that NME is more style than substance.

Granted, I was indifferent to Record Store Day and it is true that CDs aren't as popular as they once were (particularly singles) but I felt the focus of the article was wrong. Martin seemed to be talking about bands who had already made it. Unsigned bands can't always get an online platform to promote their music and thus, they have to sell CDs at gigs. And a lot of hard work goes into creating that CD. As well as the musicians, you have to consider the recording studio that struggles to stay open because people are choosing to record at home with a cracked version of Cubase and a karaoke mic behind a coathanger and a pair of tights. There's also the making and printing of the artwork which is important in providing the artist with an image that appeals to a given market. Sure, you can get an image of the artwork when you click on a song on iTunes but is that all the makers of the artwork were hoping for with their work?

In Martin's blog, the fate of the B-side is addressed. Apparently "digital EPs and free pre-album taster downloads" are "their modern equivalent." Is that strictly true? Sometimes, a band's B-sides can be better than their A-sides. People will be too busy to notice the A-side to realise that the band has written other songs to go with it. And gone will be collections like The Masterplan because the band will decide to write less since they know the music won't be heard. In my view, the death of the physical single also means the death of the B-side.

As a final thought, here's a game for you to play. Open to a random page of NME and look for a band. Try and predict the future of the band work out if they will be popular with the magazine (a hit), made fun of (a diss) or purely ignored by the magazine in a year's time. Or to put it another way will the band will like Arctic Monkeys (hit), Razorlight (diss) or Thirteen Senses (ignored), then buy a copy a year and see if you're right.

Driving - The Rant

2011-04-10T15:56:00.000-07:00

When I was in Sixth Form, there was a bit of a culture with driving. Anyone who could drive tended to have a fancy new Renault Clio while the rest watched in awe as they drove around the car park in circles. Surprisingly, no-one was majorly into modifying their cars outside getting personalised numberplates or letters spelling their name on the back.

This culture of people having cars was one of the reasons why I had driving lessons. I was beyond awful. My instructor was critical about my abilities and made it clear that it would be a long time before I could even make it out of the estate we always learnt on. I was 17. After ten lessons, I decided enough was enough and I'd rather spend my money on guitars rather than a guy telling me stuff I already knew (the fact I was rubbish, not how to drive). If it weren't for my friend passing his test, I probably would have been the only sixth former who took the bus to and from school and that would have quite humilating.

Cut to two/three years later and I'm in Swansea studying at a university which has umpteen car-related courses! I'm in a place which would require me to drive because places outside the area are tedious to reach via public transport. I've discovered the term "Ricer" and that people in Wales seem to take illicit pleasure in just 'going for a drive.' "Pollution? Pah!" They seem to be saying. To be fair, there is greater pleasure in driving around Swansea than back home in Berkshire. The scenery's nicer for a start and the roads are more varied. For another, traffic isn't as bad!

This time last year, I was in a band from Llanelli, 15 miles outside of Swansea. Luckily, we had a band member who could drive (Just the one, mind!) so getting to the rehearsal space wasn't so bad. But there were times when he wasn't able to pick me up and I had to take the train and walk to the rehearsal space. Not only did that take a long time but I felt very exposed when in Llanelli, with my gig bag on my shoulders. All of a sudden, I began to wish that I could drive.

And chances are I probably will have to learn once I've finished uni/graduated/got kicked out/flunked (delete as appropriate). I'm a little wiser than I was when I was 17. I'd be learning to drive through necessity as opposed to succumbing to peer pressure. Question is, how long will it be before I pass?

Daylight Saving - The Rant

2011-03-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

We've all been there. There's those two Sundays every year where you have to fumble around with clocks changing the time. Digital, analogue, one in your car, one on your iPod and the one on your mobile. Of course, life would be easier if you just bought clocks which automatically changed time but I like to have a grievance.

My dislike of daylight saving comes from being a child of 6 or 7 and being told to go to bed at 8pm despite it being broad daylight. And also, while it's great that it's lighter for longer, I like my beauty sleep. I need my extra hour in bed!

When I was younger, I used to always think in terms of what time it would be in GMT as well as BST. I'd think to myself as I got up at 7:00am for school: "What am I doing up at 6am?" I'd also wonder why we had lessons at 2pm (BST) when it was really 1pm (GMT) and we should be having lunch.

The Government announced plans recently to move the clocks forward for the whole year in a bid to decrease accidents and deaths. If all goes ahead, there will a trial like the one Britain had for three years from 1968 - 1971. The question I must ask is: "What happens to the hours that disappear?" Is it like Leap Years where we have extra hours added to the day? Will the News be shown at 13 o'clock and will schools finish gruellingly at half past 16? You have to feel sorry for Scotland though. If these plans go ahead, they will be strongly affected by a later sunrise disrupting things like farming, business and the school run.

While my dislike is somewhat childish, there is a lot of heated discussion about having daylight saving all year round with Scotland seemingly opposing it and everyone else in the UK supporting it. Meanwhile I'm sure somewhere, there are people who think that to use BST all year round is "Unbritish." Chances are, these are the same people who blame everything on immigrants and think Roy Chubby Brown is God's gift to humour. All the same, with a war in Libya, a recession, high unemployment and everything else, is there much point seriously discussing moving a clock forward by an hour permanently?

Panic at the Disco - Pretty. Odd.

2011-03-17T12:47:00.001-07:00

Panic At The Disco were once the band that people loved to hate. From the whiny lyrics, the unnecessary punctation in their name, their frequent comparison to Fall Out Boy (who in turn, got mauled by critics) and the fact they were an 'emo' band. For their second album, the band decided that they didn't want to be labelled emo anymore and wished to branch out. They did so by digging out Beatles albums and aping the style of them. Was it a marketing ploy? A response to the critical backlash? Or were the band changing direction because they genuinely wanted to?

PATD's aping of The Beatles and other statesmen of the 60s doesn't make Pretty Odd automatically bad but you are aware of the lack of originality in them doing so. Many bands have taken inspiration from The Beatles but they have made their own sound from doing so, like Kurt Cobain, Paul Weller or Elliott Smith. Panic fail to do so here. They take liberal chunks from Abbey Road (coincidentally where Pretty Odd was recorded) whether it's seguing songs together or having lyrics which are somewhat non-sensical and it's a bit ham-fisted. The album artwork also owes a lot to Ogdens' Nut Gone Flake by The Small Faces.

On the other hand, the songs are made more tolerable and the lyrics are less pitying than before. There's less focus on Halloween and more on Hello Goodbye. Sometimes it might be cheesy like on "We're So Starving" where Brendon croons "We're so sorry we've been gone/We were busy writing songs for you" but using Lennon/McCartney as a starting point isn't a bad start to writing a decent pop song. It's not just The Beatles that are an influence here, some songs have elements of the Vaudeville within them. Songs like "I Have Friends in Holy Spaces" and "The Piano Knows Something" are short and feature unorthodox instrumentation.

Brendon Urie's voice is often criticised for sounding like Patrick Stump's. I would take that one step further and say that Urie sounds like Stump if he'd gone to Stage School. On the subject of vocals, Ryan Ross is surprisingly good when he's contributing backing vocals. Reminiscient of Brendan Benson, Ross's voice is much thinner and is a contrast to the melodrama of Urie, somewhat like the tonality between Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey's voices.

Ryan Ross was the sole writer on Panic at the Disco's first album. He also wrote the majority of lyrics on this record, which are poetic and vivid. It is clear to see that he has improved as a songwriter. However, when the lyrics aren't so abstract like on "Behind The Sea", they come across as preachy ("We're all too smart to talk to God") and or questionably sexist like on "From A Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins" ("I'm sure it didn't ruin her/Just made her more interesting.")

After Ross and bassist Jon Walker left the band to form The Young Veins (a band that is forever frozen in 1965), the Beatles worshipping stopped and the remainder of Panic reverted back to their old ways. It's a shame really because people were starting to take the band seriously after this album was released. Although the album is overlong, Pretty. Odd. is good for making 15 year olds Beatles fans but is bad in terms of originality.

Episodes - Thoughts

2011-03-03T08:42:00.001-08:00

Americans have a romanticised version of Britain. They imagine that we're all upper-class, drinking tea and are ingratiatingly polite. There is no distinction between the different countries that make up Britain. Wales is just another part of England while Scotland is foreign terrority to Yanks with cameras outside 'BuckingHAM Palace.' To be fair, it's not like we Brits ignore this stereotype. In our films, we have actors who cater to the perceived image of a true Brit. I say 'actors', I do in fact mean Hugh Grant.

Episodes is a sitcom which challenges the stereotype of a Brit. Written by David Crane (who created Friends) and Jeremy Klarik, the show is about a married couple (played by Tamsin Grieg and Stephen Mangan) who have their BAFTA Award-winning TV show remade for the American market only to find themselves appeasing the producers and slowly but surely having their show morphed into something completely different from their original vision. One of the changes that is insisted upon by the producers is that Matt LeBlanc (yup, Joey from Friends!) play the lead role in the show despite being completely wrong for the project. British politeness turns to frustration as LeBlanc insists on various changes in the script/plot/title.

This show owes a lot to Curb Your Enthusiasm in terms of humour and style. While not as excruciating, the show is darker and the jokes not so overt. There are occasional gags which would be too obvious for that kind of show however. For example, two of the running gags include the British couple not being recognised by the security guard and the TV Network having a Head of Comedy who has no sense of humour. These are the sorts of jokes you would expect to see on Friends which endear the characters to the audience. There is also the soap element where an ongoing story is taking place while having a constant stream of gags which intended to attract viewers and keep them hooked.

One could see it as LeBlanc's way of trying to break away from his consistent typecasting as dim but good-natured characters by playing a 'larger-than-life version of himself'. In other words, he plays the opposite of the 'Joey character' throughout the series but there are some throwbacks to his character, particularly in the last few episodes when LeBlanc attempts to get himself out of trouble. As the British couple, Mangan and Greig have chemistry (as seen in Green Wing) and their characters are likeable with Mangan trying to keep everyone happy all of the time and Greig unfairly being seen as Lady MacBeth to people.

This is the first acting role Matt LeBlanc has had since his role in Friends spin-off, Joey which didn't do particularly well due to the character having most of his likeable traits removed and becoming hopeless and desperate. David Crane has also struggled in finding the magical comedy formula with his last show, The Class (a carbon copy of Friends effectively) only lasting one season. This series works because it doesn't rehash Friends and does something completely different to what Crane and LeBlanc have been used to.

Dirty Pretty Things - Romance at Short Notice

2011-02-27T12:07:00.000-08:00

Carl Barat's role in The Libertines is underrated. Because the media attention was focussed on Pete Doherty's drug addiction, people forgot that the band had two singers and songwriters. After Doherty had been removed, Barat strived to keep the band going without him using Anthony Rossomando on guitar. Ultimately the band split because Barat didn't want to carry on under the name without his ally playing with them.

Immediately afterwards, Barat set about forming a new band with former Libs drummer Gary Powell and stand-in guitarist Rossomando. On bass was Didz Hammond from neo-prog rockers, The Cooper Temple Clause. In 2006, they released the fast-paced Waterloo to Anywhere which was refreshing to Libs fans who had been alienated by Doherty's efforts with Babyshambles. Come the second album's release in 2008, times had changed. Too many bands that had copied the band's schtick had been and gone with DPT getting lost amongst them.

There is some sort of eery vocal manipulation on Carl Barat's voice. He is trying to sound rough as possible in a bid to channel Joe Strummer's vocals but this robotic, precise effect make this fall flat. The music on this album is more introspective than the first with layers of jangly acoustic guitars throughout as well as strings on 'The North'. It is clear that Johnny Marr's guitar playing has had an influence on the band which can be heard on 'Tired of England.' Despite the title, that track talks about being proud of England. We should remember this was written in 2008. Writing about being British in such an overt way hadn't been fashionable for over 10 years. That being said, the melodies on the album are strong such as on 'Faultlines.' It's also nice to see songs being sung by members other than Barat.

There is a feeling of resentment on some tracks presumably directed at Barat's former bandmate. Sometimes it's subtle. Other times, it's glaringly obvious like on 'Kicks or Consumption' where Barat complains: "After a month, our friendship waned/ 'Cause you're ambitious to a fault.' It's hardly "How Do You Sleep?", but one could see it as a dig. The perils of addiction are also mentioned in songs like 'Truth Begins' where the lyrics state: "Well you said the pills would sort me out/Embolden me against the/Manifestations of fear and doubt" and on Chinese Dogs: "Well it took you seven years/To learn my name/And I know it's all the drugs and booze/that are to blame," which combines anti-drugs with anti-Doherty.

The softer side of DPT is interesting to see. Problem was that it just wasn't what people wanted from a former Libertine. Carl Barat truly is the Paul McCartney of the Libertines with DPT being Wings. The album feels hazy though, with songs ultimately being forgettable. The anti-drug statements also seem ironic seeing as drugs was one of the causes for DPT's split.

Babyshambles - Down in Albion

2011-02-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

Although they only recorded two albums, The Libertines had a lasting impact on music in the 2000s. A wave of bands strived to imitate both the The Libertines' music and their Rock 'n' Roll lifestyle. Pete Doherty and Carl Barat had a very unpredictable relationship. If they were the best of friends declaring their love for each other, they were fighting and allegedly needed bodyguards during recording sessions to keep them apart. We should not forget as well Pete Doherty's drug addiction, the cause of many of the tensions within The Libertines and ultimately the band's split.

It was saddening that the band reached its peak in terms of success just as it was on the verge of splitting up. Second album, The Libertines reached the top spot in the Album Charts and 'Can't Stand Me Now' was No. 2 in the Top 40, beaten by three ugging chav types singing a moronic adult nursery rhyme lyric. It might have been because of these struggles that the band was successful, always appearing in the papers for reasons outside of their music. On the plus side, this exposure acted as a launching for the post-split bands that emerged.

Pete Doherty formed Babyshambles after being kicked out of The Libertines for a short period in 2003. When he was kicked out more permanently, Doherty foccussed his energies more on the band with its everchanging line-up. A single was released in 2004 called Killamangiro which showed some promise. That song's production (done by Paul Epworth) was far removed from The Libertines' because it was more polished, as if the band had recorded the song track-by-track instead of live in the studio.

Killamangiro appears on Babyshambles' debut 'Down in Albion' and that version was recorded as live along with the rest of the album. This would be fine if the band was in a state to record in such a way. Unfortunately, Babyshambles were not, due to drugs and Doherty's constant brushes with the law. That fact is very obvious. You can hear Doherty slurring his vocals uncomfortably and there are instrumental parts which carry on for too long and feel somewhat awkward (like before the solo of Killamangiro).

Down in Albion was intended as a departure from The Libertines' work. In some ways, it succeeds. There is more emphasis on Doherty's lyrics whether he's discussing the dangers of drug addiction on 'Pipedown' or feeling nihilistic on 'Fuck Forever,' perhaps a response to Oasis' 'Live Forever.' There are not as many melodies which make an impact suggesting that the music was more Barat's terrority. Another form of departure is the appearance of a cellmate of Doherty's who sings the reggae-tinged 'Pentonville.' The most Libertines-esque song is '8 Dead Boys' which features a steadier drum-beat reminiscient of the way Gary Powell played.

The album is overlong, ragged and pretty much a mess. If it was meant to be a statement from Doherty saying he could survive without The Libertines, it fails at being one. Everything about the album feels slapdash with Doherty's lyrics being the one thing that saves it. The production was done by Mick Jones who is reowned for his hands-off approach. It's a shame he chose to take this at a time when Doherty needed someone to be as hands-on as possible.

Downloading - The Rant

2011-02-26T06:14:00.000-08:00

I regularly buy CDs. This is a frequent subject of amusement amongst my friends. "Why don't you just download stuff?" They tell me. But I have to explain that it's just not the same downloading songs. Nothing compares to the feeling of owning the physical format of an format, flicking through the artwork and reading the lyrics.

As I'm not a 10 year-old buying S Club 7 CDs so the last two things don't really apply. Usually, I buy CDs and automatically put them onto my computer before adding them onto my iPod. After this, they're placed in my CD rack and never touched again. Logically, it would make sense for me to download music. It's cheaper and putting stuff on my iPod is much more of a breeze.

Outside of getting music, I feel that there's a whole experience that comes from buying a CD. There's the whole process of choosing what to get and where to get it from. Trawling through CD shops, Charity Shops, old stock from libraries or going online and searching through Top 40 pap or obscure curiosities is something I could happily do all day. I also think of CDs as heirlooms that could pass onto the next generation or something I could get money from by appearing on Antiques Roadshow. You can't do that with a 79p download from iTunes.

I did used to download. I used Limewire for a short period where I downloaded a couple of songs from artists just to see what their music like. It was how I first discovered Judee Sill. I downloaded some of her songs and was hooked. It convinced me to buy all her albums for 36 pounds altogether. I later got put off using Limewire after seeing news reports that the Government were going to try and clamp down on illegal downloading. It's funny how it didn't happen for another 3 years when Limewire was shut down and even then, the file sharers had an array of other sites and programmes they could use.

One instance where I would contemplate downloading is when a CD I've bought doesn't upload to my iTunes. There are a few albums I've bought where this has happened including 12 Memories by Travis, A Nod is as Good as a Wink... by The Faces and most recently Make Up The Breakdown by Hot Hot Heat. I bought this recently from Play.com and put in my computer to find that the CD wouldn't rip properly. I assumed it was because the CD was scratched (I bought it second-hand on the cheap). After receiving another copy, the same problem happened again. The fear is that the Police would send all kinds of Riot Squads and suchlike to my house if I did download those albums and my defense of having the albums but finding they didn't upload to my computer would not be valid and I'd face the stocks and be made an example of.

So while they still keep making CDs, I'll keep buying them. As much of a struggle as it is, I am a collector of them. All the same, I'll be stuffed when the CD format dies out.

Ellie Goulding - Bright Lights

2011-02-18T10:21:00.000-08:00

This year's Brit Awards was the first to not include a Lifetime Achievement Award. It wasn't as if they'd run out of acts to give the award to, it just seems a bit embarrassing for a band like The Cure to receive such a gong after Robbie Williams won it last year. The decision was made so more focus could be made on the Best Album category. This year's also included the Critic's Choice Award which is in essence the same thing but acts don't necessarily have to achieve anything to receive it. It's just awkward if the winning act tanks after receiving an award stipulating that they will be commercially successful. Ellie Goulding won this award at last year's ceremony. Thankfully, as she was successful, the panel could heave a sigh of relief knowing that they hadn't wasted their energy on someone not worthy of their time or votes.

Anyway, for all those living under a hovel during 2010, Ellie Goulding is a British singer-songwriter who combines somewhat leftfield songwriting with overt synthpop, electronic production. In other words, she performs songs on an acoustic guitar before producers (including Frankmusik, Starsmith and Fraser T. Smith) add their own slant to the songs making them as commercial as possible. In some of the songs, the folk influence is quite subtle. There will be a light touch of acoustic guitar at the start of a song before branching out to synths and drum machines for the rest of the time.

Goulding's voice is quite unorthodox. The breathiness and her way of pronouncing words might be off-putting at first (i.e. the way she pronounces 'artist' in 'The Writer'). It doesn't help that her vocals are heavily processed and edited in some songs. This heavy use of production might cause the message of some of the songs to become distorted. For example, 'Wish I Stayed' and 'The Writer' could work with more sparse arrangements. However, one cannot fault Goulding's ability to write a three-minute pop song and the production is intended to make the songs stand out when played on radio.

This album is a re-release of 'Lights' which was released earlier in 2010. The difference between both albums is that Bright Lights includes 7 extra songs including the big American single, Lights, a standard pop song co-written by Richard Stannard who wrote songs for the Spice Girls and a cover of 'Your Song' by Elton John. Unlike the original, this cover is minimally produced by Ben Lovett of Mumford & Sons consisting of Goulding's vocals, a piano, strings and percussion. While I wasn't a fan at first, this version deserves credit for giving the song more structure than the original (it is clear to see where each verse ends and begins due to Goulding's delivery) and the hands-off approach to production is also refreshing compared to the rest of the album where the all the stops seemed to be pulled out. Overall, it would have been nicer to see more reflective moments on this album given its length.

Britpop - The Rant

2011-02-17T16:26:00.000-08:00

The other day, I was watching a film called 'Live Forever - The Rise and Fall of Britpop.' Released in 2002, the film covered the careers of bands like Oasis, Pulp and Blur talking about their humble beginnings, their increasing success before their self-indulgence led to the destruction of the genre, all in the space of 5 years.

When watching this, my initial thoughts were "Wasn't it too early to be describing the demise of Britpop in 2002?" At the time of its release, a few heavyweight Britpop bands were still together such as Oasis, Supergrass, Pulp and Suede. Surely it would have made sense to wait a few more years until the 'fall' described actually took place? It's funny seeing the likes of Noel Gallagher and Damon Albarn talking about Pop Idol and S Club 7 being the downfall of pop music. As we know now, these were just blips in the music scene and the real apocalypse was just a few years away.

Music wasn't the only subject in this documentary. The rise of Cool Britannia (which came funnily enough just before Britpop fell) and the impact that Tony Blair had on the country with people feeling like that a man who casually carried his jacket over his shoulder with a loosened tie could solve the problems like unemployment caused by Thatcherism the decade before. Again, it is funny watching the clip of Oasis at the BRIT awards talking about how Tony Blair was 'giving a little bit of hope to young people in this country' along with his band and Alan McGee.

But did Blair make a positive impact? Well kind of. His influence on the Northern Ireland Peace Process and introduction of the minimum wage will forever be sidelined by Afghanistan, Iraq and attempting to introduce identity cards. All the same, it was felt that no matter how you dress it, a suit will always be a suit regardless of whether it plays guitar in or sings 'How Much is that Doggie in the Window?' on TV.

Britpop was a response to the negativity of Grunge and anonymity of Shoegaze. As shown in the documentary, the output of Britpop was diverse. For every Oasis and Blur, you'd also find a Massive Attack or a Portishead. There were overt themes of Britishness in the music whether it was the subject matter or the vocal delivery. After years of being ignored, Britain had a voice and it was willing to face the Americans head-on.

The appeal of Britpop was the idea that anyone could pick up a guitar and form a band. This everyman approach was reminiscient of the 1960s. Coincidentally, the music was eerily similar to the music by bands like The Small Faces, The Kinks and The Beatles. While Oasis, Ocean Colour Scene and Blur were indebted to these British acts, they themselves were indebted to the predecessing American acts. Because of this, it seems ironic that Britpop was intended to be against America. Consider Damon Albarn's disdain for the country featured on Blur's albums.

Meanwhile, outside of the Spice Girls' popularity, 'Wonderwall' reaching top 10 and 'Song 2' becoming an sports anthem, America didn't seem to warm to Britpop, not that the bands seemed to care. Although it's interesting to note how infatuated America became with the British Invasion, it proves that lightning doesn't strike twice. Singing about Sunday supplements and cornershops was too esoteric for America to relate to. It all just seemed too quaint compared to what they were used to.

Britpop was celebrated because of its diversity. But was it so diverse? A load of guitar bands worshipping Paul Weller as an idol, using Beatles albums as Gospel and having Noel Gallagher's seal of approval or barrage of insults. Today's music scene seems more diverse but the output is not nearly as strong. In a sense, 2011 would be the year to release a documentary on the rise and fall of Britpop. We can reflect a little more deeply on what has happened since its demise. Since 2002 (when Live Forever was made), the majority of Britpop bands have split or do not make the impact they once used to. Despite some bands reforming, it's not really a comeback unless they write new material, otherwise it's just a tour clutching at the remnants of nostalgia.

Adele - 21

2011-02-16T17:39:00.001-08:00

In 2008, a clash between two singers to be crowned the 'New Amy Winehouse' took place. In the blue corner was the inoffensive, pretty and Welsh Aimee Duffy who came second in a singing competition on S4C. In the red corner was the edgier Brit School graduate Adele Adkins. They fought it out and it seemed that Duffy won, with a Number One single in 'Mercy' and the biggest selling album of 2008 with 'Rockferry.'

Three years later, things have changed. It appears that the victories Duffy received were her winning the battle as opposed to the war. Her second album 'Endlessly' was not as successful due to its close-minded collaboration with Albert Hammond (the dad of that bloke from the Strokes). It only reached Number 9 in the Album Charts. The single 'Well Well Well' also proved that her voice, although powerful, could be grating. Meanwhile Adele's album 21 (named because of her age at the time of its making) reached No. 1 in 17 countries and went double platinum in the UK within 2 weeks.

So what caused Adele to triumph over Duffy? While her music featuring in The X Factor certainly helped, I feel it was more to do with Adele being more connected to her art since the majority of songs on 19 were written solely by Miss Adkins. Meanwhile Duffy had assistance from a former member of Suede and various songwriters for hire. Adele's live performances were also understated featuring often just her and either a piano or guitar. Meanwhile Duffy had an "everything but the kitchen sink" approach which seemed contrived.

21 is a more ambitious record than Adele's first album, 19. The songwriting is more mature and the production is more ambitious. It seems that each producer is taking Adele and doing their own thing with her. Compare the production in the brooding first single 'Rolling in the Deep' (produced by Paul Epworth) and the trendy 'Set Fire to the Rain' (produced by Fraser T. Smith). Both are produced in different ways (with varying results) but have the uniting aspect of powerful vocals from the songstress.

On 19, the music Miss Adkins was intimate but solid. The best songs on that record were the ones which used her voice and minimal accompaniment like 'Daydreamer' or 'Hometown Glory.'
Coincidentally, this is also true with 21. 'Take It All' features Adele backed by piano and she gets the chance to show off her vocal acrobatics which she can do but chooses to hold back on. The final song 'Someone Like You' is the most profound moment on the album and shows that Adele is really finding her sense of self as a songwriter.

However, 'Take It All' is an example of one of the MOR moments in the record with its 'Key of C songwriting.' Another example is the key change in 'Don't You Remember', produced by none other than Rick Rubin and co-written by that bloke from Semisonic. 'He Won't Go' also has a ringing similarity to 'Chasing Pavements.' Ryan Tedder and Fraser T. Smith, the more modern producers who throw their oars in, addle Adele with autotune and a modern R'n'B influence. This is regretful because their contributions do not match the rest of mood conveyed on the album.

Overall, this album doesn't have the moments that made her first album special, but the album is more cohesive and shows Adele is a powerful force. Whoever is behind the mixing desk and whether trickery they use is irrelevant. Just as long as she keeps singing.

Unsigned Band Competitions - The Rant

2011-02-14T13:03:00.000-08:00

The X Factor is pure evil in the eyes of some people. They view it as such because they believe that the show about showcasing talent publicly for people to either judge or vote for is 'killing music.' Their reaction to this is to create competitions where talent is publicly showcased for people to either vote for or judge. One of these competitions is called 'Live and Unsigned.' Today, I saw a page on Facebook decrying the competition as a 'scam.' As someone who took part in Live and Unsigned two years ago, I thought I'd give my two cents on the issue.

My friend was the singer of a band who were scheduled to take part in this competition. Unfortunately, the band split before they could take part. As a result, a new band was formed performing the songs the old band played. In the end, the line-up was my friend singing and playing guitar, me on bass and another friend on drums who usually played guitar.

To begin with, we had to audition for a panel in Bristol. This required us to get up early and travel across the Severn Bridge from Swansea. We waited around excitedly for our slot whilst checking out the competition. At last, the time came for us to play and we performed a minute of our song before being told to stop. After more waiting, we were told we had got through to the regional finals which would be happening a month or so later.

Before then, we worked on the songs further and included another guitarist in our line-up. For the Regional Finals, we had to perform two songs - a cover and an original. For our cover, we decided to do an electric version of 'Good Riddance' by Green Day and play our song with no gaps in between. The competition wanted us to also try and promote our band as much as possible. We were interviewed on local radio and I think our name was included in a newspaper article for the South Wales Evening Post. As a young band that was just starting out, what else could we do really?

Finally the day of the Regional Finals came. We had to get up even earlier than we did for the audition. We were placed in a room until we were due to go on. It was somewhat cramped but we managed. It reminded me of when I was in choirs and we had to wait while another choir was performing. When we did play, it was in a room that usually used as a place of worship. Awkwardly covering a painting of Jesus was a banner for Live and Unsigned. We took to the stage and played. The sound apparently wasn't that great for us. A friend of mine was in the audience and she thought that it was turned up too loud. We were also incredibly tired and nervous. This might have shown in our performance as we didn't get through to the next round.

The Facebook page I saw today made me think that it was a relief that we didn't get through despite our disappointment at the time. Essentially, the competition was described as 'pay to play.' In other words, if our band was to get anywhere, we would be required to help them make money in one way or another. We had to pay a deposit, sell tickets and get fans to text a number at 1 pound a text. As a band from Swansea, it wasn't particularly realistic to expect people to travel such a distance to see us perform just a cover and an original. Especially when they would have to pay £7.50 to do so. If we had got through further, the tickets would have cost more and we would need to bring more and more people.

And if we won, what would happen? Something about £20,000 investment was mentioned. However one of the winning bands, The Detours (nothing to do with The Who) had written on the page saying that no such thing came into fruition. They also said that they were promised long line of gigs. Again, this didn't happen. When we played in Bristol, the winners from 2008's competition were doing a slot. They acted like they were rock stars, but as far as I'm aware, they haven't had the success to match despite receiving praise from the roster of judges.

Competitions like Live and Unsigned are intended to be the anti-establishment response to shows like The X Factor. However, it seems that we are fighting the same beast, but with a different name. As for my band, we probably should have just focussed on gigging instead of attempting to sign our lives away for something which isn't necessarily guaranteed to happen.

10 O'Clock Live - Thoughts

2011-02-10T09:21:00.001-08:00

It's not hard to think of comedy programmes that cover current affairs. There's Mock The Week and Have I Got News For You as well as... well that's about it (for the UK at least, America has The Daily Show and The Colbert Report). And even then, these shows aren't broadcast live (unlike Colbert and Daily). So while the humour may appear spontaneous and off-the-cuff, really there are people meticulously editing the programme removing the "umms" and "ahhs" and replacing them with "hahas" and "whoos."

I never saw the Alternative Election Coverage on Channel 4. But apparently, it was successful enough to spawn a series called 10 O'Clock Live which did the same thing as the Election Coverage but covered news in general. Hosting the show are Jimmy Carr (as omnipresent on Channel 4 as Friends repeats), David Mitchell, Charlie Brooker and erm... Lauren Laverne? While her broadcasting skills cannot be questioned, I personally wouldn't have considered her for the show. Evidently, the producers thought the audience would need a bit of eye-candy after seeing the faces of the previous three.

With comedy stalwarts like the above, the show cannot fail really. Charlie Brooker has presented Newswipe, and written for the Guardian. David Mitchell has done the latter as well as appeared on Mock The Week, so it's clear that they both know their current affairs. Their respective slots require them to do what they are used to and what they do best - rant in front of a camera.

Jimmy Carr acts as the "newsreader" at the start of the show and performs skits throughout the show which often require him to dress up. Lauren Laverne's contribution seems to be making sure the boys don't get too carried away as well as performing segments intended to rally the masses whether it's in protest to libraries being closed down or encouraging people to do voluntary work. While Carr seems to take his segments seriously (as outrageous as their content might be), Laverne seems to be giving a knowing wink to the viewers.

Interviews take place on the show as well as sketches and rants. These are hosted by Jimmy Carr and David Mitchell. While Carr is able to find the balance between making jokes and asking the questions which matter, Mitchell does not. Sometimes, he just feels awkward when asking people questions. When discussing tuition fees with David Willetts, serious points as to why tuition fees were being increased (let alone were in existence) were simply used as fodder for stumbling quips to be made by Mitchell. It probably wasn't much help that there was a chorus of booing from the audience.

On shows like'Mock The Week' and 'Have I Got News For You', jokes are made about an issue before the host explains the news story joke-free. 10 O'Clock Live doesn't have this and in my view, this is where it fails. They are so desperate to get humour out the story, they don't take the time to really explain it in detail. For some people, these shows are the sole way of finding out about current affairs so the news need to be explained simply before jokes can be made. Despite this, the series is certainly interesting and I look forward to seeing how it pans out.

Erin Rocha - Paper Wings

2011-01-30T15:30:00.000-08:00

There was a time when pop singers made records without having to audition on television and the whole nation ridicule or relish the singer and their talents. It's strange that these singers were making the same kind of music then that these X Factor winners are performing now.

Erin Rocha's story is a typical Cinderella story. She was discovered after working at a local studio in Dorset. She sang a demo of a song intended for Norah Jones before it was decided that the version sung by Rocha should be released. Subsequently, the song was released at Christmas time in 2003. While it hit the top 40, the song didn't set the world alight as much as people would have liked. An album was released in 2004 before Rocha faded into obscurity...

Erin Rocha definitely has a good voice. It is light and fluttery. It seems criminal that she was ignored by the pop world. However, the material is somewhat weak. Remiscient of MOR 70s balladry by Lynsey de Paul or Elkie Brooks, the music lacks character and the lyric content is samey. Very few risks are taken and as a result, even fewer songs make a lasting impression. The exceptions are 'Can't Do Right For Doing Wrong' (which will probably be used for an X Factor winner single in the near future) and a possibly overlong cover of The Box Tops' 'The Letter', where Rocha performs the song in a jazzy style and successfully does something out of her comfort zone.

It's probably all Amy Winehouse's fault. She became successful around the same time as this album was released with legions imitating her flirtations with older genres and treating Lauryn Hill and Carole King as equals in terms of influence. It is a shame that Rocha's talent is never fully realised in an album full of hokey, sentimental material since she certainly has a voice that would make Cheryl Cole to cry by appearing on the X Factor.

Posh Kids in Pop - The Rant

2011-01-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

We consumers can be so hard to please. When acts from too rough backgrounds become successful, we complain that their behaviour might influence our children. Meanwhile, when acts from well-to-do backgrounds become successful, we complain that the music industry has become "snobbish." At least, Pete Waterman thinks so. He recently said on BBC Radio 4: "In the old days you got a job in the music industry because you knew something about music. Now when they see your CV they don't take you unless you've been to university, full stop."

Pete Waterman's argument seemed kind of flawed because he talked about how privately-educated kids and university graduates wouldn't be able to write about the experiences poorer people faced despite his daughter being educated at public school and studying a degree in Music. Surely if he was that concerned about being "down-to-earth," he'd insist that his daughter have little to no education and sing for her supper in the hopes of getting a record deal.

As a privately-educated male studying at university, I should probably burnt at the stake first. However, my defence would be that I'm not trying to be a folkie like Mumford and Sons. Neither am I a whore of the dubstep culture like Katy B. I'm not trying to get down with the kids by ignoring my roots but I'm also not flaunting them for everyone to witness at any occasion. If I were to get anywhere, I'd like to be through merit. In a sense, it'd be better for me to get a record deal through singing on the X Factor because my education wouldn't be taken into account. Sure, there'd be no creative control and as a white male, my chances of success after winning are minimal.

As for writing about working-class issues, that line of writing is becoming stale. People don't always want to hear the gritty reality of their lives. Neither is everything a conspiracy to make you a drone (See "We'll Live and Die in these Towns" by The Enemy and "Suburban Knights" by Hard-Fi). Being privately-educated or studying at university suggests that you are more aware of things and that you have a wider range of interests. It can be possible to be for the people and have a wider understanding of issues. Take the Manics. Richey Edwards and Nicky Wire studied at Swansea University and despite referencing literary and political figures unknown to the average listener, the band became a voice for the people. If the music got their listeners thinking and more aware of people like Albert Camus and Philip Larkin, that's not a bad thing, is it?

It is true that music today is going downhill. This isn't because of where Singer X or Band Y went to school. It's more to do with the men upstairs deciding who they should sign based on who has been successful in recent years, whether it's The Strokes (The Vaccines), Oasis (Brother) and Lily Allen (Marina and the Diamonds). It's more a case of right place, right time and these acts happen to know people who know people...

Brother - The Rant

2011-01-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

According to adverts on YouTube, 2011 is set to be "a big year for Brother." For all those who don't know/care, Brother are a rock band from Slough influenced by Britpop bands like Oasis. This can be seen in their interviewing technique.

Okay, so they come across as snivelling, mumbling buffoons who are being force-fed Gallagher-lite things to say and do by record execs. All the same, I should pleased for Brother since their potential success will finally put Slough back on the map after the ordeal the place has gone through following its "cameos" in Making Slough Happy and The Office. I say "should" because I've heard what the music sounds like...

Turns out Brother are so indebted to Oasis, they've forgotten to forge an identity of their own. The music is bland and the lyrics have to nothing to say. The monosyllabic choruses work for some bands, but not this one. Brother are so desperate to prove they are rock 'n' roll and pretty much do every trick in the book to prove this. The video shows them playing on a roof (a concept that has been killed to death) and has urban imagery (Ooh, wow a police horse, that's something the kids can relate to). The guitarist (wearing Ray-Bans on a cloudy day, rebel no?) even smashes his guitar at the end. Well, we assume it's smashed. The guitarist throws it in the air and it's more than likely that there were stage hands on the ground armed with a crash mat ready to catch the guitar.

What's funny is that when I first heard about this band in the NME, the magazine seemed to be mocking the band because of their attitude. Brother were likened to Raygun (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVgF30tnTl8&feature=related) in terms of interviewing style. Half a year later, they seem to have forgotten this and are now writing press junkets labelling them as a new hope for 2011. To make matters worse, Liam Gallagher doesn't like them. He's quoted as saying the band are “Little fucking posh lads with tattoos.” The band rebutted this by saying they're more concerned with what Noel thinks. I can't help but wonder how they'll act if Noel doesn't like them. It'll probably be the same criticism as Liam but in a more eloquent manner.

After the initial hype, the 8 out of 10 review for their debut and the unwarranted praise for half a half-baked song, you only need to look at the examples of Nine Black Alps, The Twang and Twisted Wheel to see where Brother will go. Until then, I'm looking forward to my cruxifiction and being called a "saddo" for not liking them.

Vice - The Rant

2011-01-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid at school, there was a guy a few years above me who wasn't the coolest of people. No matter how he tried, he couldn't get the awe and respect from his peers that he felt he deserved for doing crazy, outrageous things (such as witnessing people do actual crazy, outrageous things). You put up with him, and laughed at his delusions of scoring popularity.

One day however, he cracked it. Whatever the secret was, he managed to discover it and everything seemed to fall into place. Gone were the Limp Bizkit records and the Iron Maiden hoodies and the Blink-182 inspired email address. Instead, he graced places dressed in painfully expensive garb listening to ghastly dance/rap etc. topped with peroxide blonde spikes. While it was the same guy we knew and loved, it seemed he was catering himself to another audience. This, my friends, is similar to the case of Vice.

Vice is a club situated in the town centre of Swansea. It is above a pub and next door to a kebab shop. The biggest claim to fame the club has had is its "cameo" in the documentary Swansea Love Story. Elder people are seen talking about the degradation of the city and the closure of local businesses like pubs and "strip clubs" being their replacements. The documentary jumps to scenes of scantily-clad women dancing around poles before their opinions on where they work are shown (these are generally positive and differ from the previous statements made).

Since that documentary was shown, changes have taken place at Vice. The naked dancing girls don't get naked anymore in a bid to attract people outside of 40 year-old perverts who like to take a break from masturbating over the might-be-or-might-not-be-nipple on page 24 in Issue 154 of Playboy. Instead, we have girls blowing fire in fishnets painted like skeletons. If you're not a pervert or if you're a fellow female, how do you react to this? Do you smile encouragingly? Watch in awe at their circus-based feat? The problem with the latter is the awe you feel might be construed as arousal, and that might not sit well with either dancers or the people you're with. Just keep your hands visible at all times.

The music at Vice has also changed. Instead playing a mix of rock and metal, they are playing a wider variety of music. In other words, they now play god-awful dance music in order to attract jock-type students who got turfed out of Oceana for getting too pissed. Vice is now getting acts to play/DJ at there. When I last looked, there were posters up for Katy B, Ian Watkins and Professor Green. Is it possible that Vice is trying too hard? Like my friend back at school who was desperate to appeal to people that he forgot his sense of self.

If the method works, I can't argue. They're making money and people are having a good time. If that's what they want, that's fine. If I get barred from Vice for this article, it's not the end of the world. However, a new underdog will be needed to suit the needs of the forgotten clubbing folk who want something outside the norm on their night out.

The Thrills - Teenager

2011-01-15T18:27:00.001-08:00

In 2003, The Thrills were praised as one of the future hopes of popular music. They were included in the ranks of 50 Cent, Sean Paul, Electric Six and Interpol in the BBC's Sound of 2003 poll. They released So Much for the City later that year which received positive responses with their sound being likened to The Beach Boys and Neil Young. They even received a Mercury Prize nomination facing competition from The Darkness, Dizzee Rascal and Belle and Sebastian (the latter of which should have won in this writer's opinion). Despite coming from Ireland, they were the "least Irish band in Ireland" due their intent to sound as American as possible. A year later, the diamonds turned to dust for The Thrills. They didn't develop in an obvious enough way for critic for their second album, Let's Bottle Bohemia despite cameos from Peter Buck and Van Dyke Parks. From there, the band declined in popularity.

Jump to 2007, with the band retreating to Canada to get their heads together and create the best album they could. This involved sessions for an album being written and eventually scrapped due to the material sounding too much like their debut. Ironically, Teenager was produced by Tony Hoffer, who produced So Much for the City, suggesting that they wanted to recall the focus of their debut.

The songs have a feeling of being older but wiser. There's an overal sense of maturity and the band no longer attempt to use imagery of an idealised America - that's old hat really. Instead they are talking of days when things were simpler. The adage "Youth is wasted on the young" applies here. It feels as if The Thrills are taking the time now to realise what they've done wrong. This youthfulness is expressed through the Tony Hoffer's bright, spritely production. As well as recalling days gone by, there's an sense of urgency to the record, they are fighting for their lives.

Musically, the band face the problem of having songs which sound too similar on first listen, with similar chord progressions. Conor Deasy's voice isn't to everyone's tastes either (he's awful live). Only when you dig deeper, you realise each song is different in its own way. Right from the first track, the band are energised and are giving all they've got. However, "Teenager" and "I Should Have Known Better" ruin this mood by being too slow. It is picked up again by "There's Joy to Be Found/The Boy Caught The Breaks, the latter of which, unreasonably, is a hidden track. Perhaps this should have replaced one of the more awkward MOR songs.

There are optimistic moments coupled with doubt on the album. The future is something to look forward to and the past is something to learn from. While "This year could be our year", there are "hesitations from the past." Four years later, the expectations conveyed seems in vain which is unfair. The Thrills gave their all and got nothing back.

2010 - A Postscript

2010-12-27T16:07:00.001-08:00

At the start of the year, I made a resolution to play live solo at an open mic night held at Milkwood Jam. I achieved this, albeit in a backwards fashion. I ended up playing solo at the last minute at a gig held at Coyote Bar supporting Crazy Radiation and The Ripping Cones. I had explained my plan of playing solo to my friend and he mentioned me to the organiser of the gig and he called me asking if I could play. After searching for someone and failing to do so, I decided to play myself and was armed with three covers: Friends by Elton John, Give Me Novacaine by Green Day and Into Your Arms by The Lemonheads. People seemed to like it and I started playing at other places. I even took part in a Battle of the Bands at Varsity, reaching the semi-finals. Finally, I played solo at Milkwood Jam doing 15 minutes along with the likes of the singer of Miacca, Damon Peters and Roger Henderson, regulars at the venue who seem to like me and were pleasantly surprised by my vocal abilities.

With 2010 ending soon, it's time for me to establish a new resolution for 2011. I have three:

1) I will try and draw more
2) I will grow my hair
3) I will invest in Laura Nyro albums

In my CV and my profile on a dating site, I describe my interest in drawing cartoons. However, I've not properly drawn for 2 years due to exams/work getting in the way and the realisation that cartoons don't pay bills unless you're Gary Larson, Seth McFarlane or that dude who did the offensive cartoon of Mohammad. With work being over soon (due to my leaving of university for the big bad world), I will have more time to draw cartoons.

In 1944, Tom and Jerry animator, Irven Spence drew a cartoon summarising each day of the year, a cartoon diary as it were. This can be seen at http://filboidsudge.blogspot.com/. I feel that this might be an interesting idea to pursue for myself, depending on the amount of free time I have and that it could be a good way to get back into drawing.

The last time I had my hair long was 2008. My motivation for cutting it was the irritating curls at the side caused by the weight of my hair and the fact my hair was the same length as my friends meaning we'd be confused for each other. By the looks of things, 2011 will be the last year I can get away with having long hair before I have to cut it all off to look good for prospective employers and Windsor as a whole, so I might as well make the most of it. How I will deal with the curls, I'm not sure. I'll think of a way.

Laura Nyro is a singer-songwriter from the late 60s. Her songs weren't conventional and that made them stand out. There would mood changes due to alterations in tempo and key, all of which would happen in the space of 3 minutes. Elton John is a fan, having described her influence on Spectacle with Elvis Costello. She also sounds similar to Judee Sill albeit with a more secular message in her music, generally more popularity and a longer life-span (Judee died aged 35, Laura died aged 49). Another advantage Laura has is that she is somewhat better looking than Judee. In 2011, some of her albums will be released in an Original Albums boxset (I have Carole King's boxset already) which I intend to buy once it comes out.

These are my resolutions. I get the feeling they won't stick like the one I made last year but it's worth a try.

2010 in Songs

2010-12-27T12:56:00.000-08:00

With 2010 coming to an end, it seems appropriate to have a blog summarising the year. However, compiling a top ten list of albums released in 2010 seems tedious (i.e. deciding which albums should be placed from 2 to 10). Instead, I thought it might be interesting to compile songs which will remind me of the year with no restriction on date. I contemplated choosing a song to sum up each month but like compiling albums for 2010, this would also be a challenge. Particularly since there's a gap between March to September. Anyway, here goes:

1) Laura - Billy Joel

I first came across this song when trying to find songs featuring my ex-girlfriend's name. While the idea of finding songs with her name seemed like a romantic gesture, little did I realise that the lyrics would be fitting for the end of our relationship. Lyrics like "sometimes I feel like this Godfather deal is all wrong" seemed to apply to what I was going through after our split. The song is also commendable for imitating The Beatles and not sucking in the process.

2) She Wandered Through The Garden Fence - Procol Harum

Before 2010, Procol were just a no name, one-hit wonder band from the sixties that were famous for "A Whiter Shade of Pale" and not a lot else. After investigating further and getting their self-titled debut, I discovered that there was more to the band than just a song with surreal lyrics and a melody indebted to "Air on a G String." The basis of the band was Gary Brooker and Keith Reid whose songwriting partnership was unorthodox due to Keith Reid's lyrics being more poetic than most pop lyricists and Gary Brooker being inspired greatly by classical composers. This meant that even with their more "poppier" songs, there was more to Procol than met the eye.

3) You're No God - Laura Marling

4) Into The Sea - Razorlight

These songs came on shuffle frequently on my iPod. Other than they're good, there's not a lot to say apart from Christian Smith Parvanco is an amazing drummer.

5) No More Empty Words - The Thrills

Without even realising, The Thrills became (one of) my favourite band(s) again. There was always place for them. So Much For The City was one of the first albums I bought and listened to from start-to-finish. But this year, I listened to songs from their third album, Teenager frequently. It's unfair that it was so overlooked at the time of its release. The album is impeccable, combining a wizened outlook with an energetic performance. It was as if The Thrills had considered this album their last chance and decided to give it their all.

6) Jealousy - Stereophonics

Following the death of Stuart Cable, I found myself listening to a lot of Stereophonics. The album I listened to the most was "You Gotta Go There To Come Back" which I reviewed earlier in the year (which was intended as a subtle tribute to Cable). That album was more of a solo album for Kelly Jones with his soul being stripped bare expressing his feelings on things that had happened in and around his personal life.

Fast forward 7 years and Cable's band Killing For Company had little resemblance to that era. For one, KFC were heavier and less introspective. For another, there was a sense of team spirit in that band which still continues after the death of their "brother." It was also strange seeing how the whole Wales seemed to stop dead at the time of Cable's passing. You only have to see news footage of his funeral to see how much he meant to people.

7) This Will Be Our Year - The Zombies

One day, I ended up watching a comedy series on YouTube called "Sexual Intercourse, American Style." While the series was terrible, it ended poignantly with the lead character being sent to prison with the lyrics "This will be our year/Took a long time to come" being sung in the background. After much searching, I discovered that it was a song by another "one hit wonder" sixties band (the hit being "Time of the Season") that inspired the likes of Super Furry Animals, Elliott Smith, The Beautiful South (who covered the song) and Hattie Cooke.

8) 1000 Corridors - The Vintage Sound

Okay, this might be cheating because it's (partly) my own song but it meant a lot to me in 2010. The lyrics were written about someone being in hospital and the uncertainty that comes with not knowing what's wrong. When writing the words, I envisioned the melody being similar to "Oh My Sweet Carolina" by Ryan Adams but was pleasantly surprised when the final outcome was similar to that of Belle and Sebastian.

9) Good Company - Queen

I ended up listening to this repeatedly by accident. One day, I realised that I knew how all the songs from "A Night At The Opera" went except for this one. "A Night At The Opera" for those who don't know is the album with Bohemian Rhapsody on it and Good Company is lodged between that song and Love of My Life, so no wonder it gets sidelined. The song is a composition by Brian May and he uses his guitar to imitate the song of a Dixieland Jazz band. On YouTube, there's a clip of Brian May explaining how he meticulously recorded the numerous layered guitar tracks to achieve that effect. When listening to it, the throwaway nature of the song makes one forget that so much work went into its creation.

10) Now At Last - Feist

This song came up one day on shuffle on my iPod while I was in Llanelli, staying at a friend's house. There wasn't much to do so I ultimately spent a week listening to music and reading books (including The Queen and I, Dirt Music and Angela's Ashes). The song is a cover of a standard from the 40s. It sounds sad and there's little else to say about it.

11) Remember - John Lennon

In 2011, I would like to form a band made up of a pianist and a drummer and myself on bass. As well as "She Wandered Through The Garden Fence," this is a song I would like to cover. The inspiration for this comes from hearing the live album, 11-17-70 by Elton John, a showcase for Elton's live band before Davey Johnstone joined on guitar. Another inspiration was the John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band album where the band playing consisted of John Lennon on piano/guitar, Klaus Voorman on bass and Ringo Starr on drums. Despite the sparseness of the album, it was produced by King-of-Overdoing-It, Phil Spector. Let's not forget Ben Folds Five who had the same set-up and the Early Elton tribute band (check 'em out on YouTube!).

Oh God, this next choice was a toughie.

12) Tell Everyone - The Charlatans

The Charlatans were my band of 2010. It started after I read the band's biography by John Robb which talked about the band's beginnings as a mod-revival band called Makin' Time through to their Madchester (but not really Madchester in their view) era and their Britpop glory-days. It even talked in depth about the imprisonment and death of keyboardist Rob Collins. The book made me pay more attention to the band and listen to more of their music. The book ends with The Charlatans at a cross roads after releasing Tellin' Stories and deciding what to do. Ultimately, the band would carry on with Tony Rogers on keyboards.

My favourite albums by The Charlatans are Us and Us Only (which I got for £2.99) and Up At The Lake (which I got in 2004). These are the band's more trad-rock albums owing more to The Stones and Bob Dylan than The Roses. However, Tell Everyone is from The Charlatans' self-titled album released in 1995. I first came across it in the Summer after seeing a letter in the Metro saying the song could be used to ironically describe Jordan and Alex Reid's marriage, the with lyrics like "I don't run from love from anyone" seeming quite appropriate.

For all all those wondering, my album of 2010 was Wake Up The Nation by Paul Weller.

Happy New Year!

R.I.P. Biffy Clyro's Credibility 1995-2010

2010-12-13T08:01:00.000-08:00

In 2007, The Zutons allowed Mark Ronson to cover one of their songs for his albums of covers, Version. The song in particular was Valerie and this featured the vocals of none other than Amy Winehouse. While this angered some fans, they seemed to get over it. After all, following the plummet of "You Can Do Anything", this seems to be the only way that The Zutons get recognition (apart from the singer beating up some bloke who dissed his girlfriend). It is frustrating however that people know the song only through Ms Winehouse and Mr. Ronson.

In the same way, the X Factor Final took place last night. In a twist, to the usual format, the finallists performed two different songs which would be their Winner's Single. Rebecca Ferguson (Boring Scouse) performed a forgettable Duffy song while Matt Cardle, who is nothing more than a woman's assumption of what a man should be like whose balls are kept in a jar at Danni Minogue's house so he can perform girls' songs, performed When We Collide. The title might seem pleasant enough, sounds gay enough to be an X Factor song. However, when you realise it's a cover of Biffy Clyro's Many Of Horror, you start to wonder...

As it turns out, Matt Cardle won and Many Of Horror (an appropriate title, no?) is released today in a bid to reach Christmas Number One. Meanwhile there are bids for Surfin' Bird, 4'33, an actual Christmas song (my choice will be shown later) and the original version of Biffy Clyro's song to be Christmas Number One. This last choice frustrates me. I was indifferent to Biffy before. My friends really liked them but I didn't see what the fuss was about. I'd heard stuff from Infinity Land and thought it was too raucous for my liking. Then Puzzle was released three years later and Who's Got a Match was played repeatedly on XFM while I was travelling to school. I'd meant to listen to more but never got the chance.

By the looks of things, not getting the chance was a good omen. How could it be possible for a post-hardcore band from Scotland to sign a death warrant by agreeing to have their song covered by the winner of the X Factor. In Simon Neil's eyes, the show is "entertainment" and "not a threat to real music." What he fails to realise is that this is what people think real music is. It has also caused the current music scene to be sterile, lacking direction because shows like this grab the attention of people more than what the new (speaking of sellouts) Hoosiers album sounds like. He also must have forgotten that his band is playing at Sonisphere next year and it's possible that this might still be fresh in people's minds. Biffy Clyro could well be the Panic! At The Disco of 2011 and if objects are thrown in their direction while performing, they only have their greedy selves to blame.

So in the same way that the Zutons are remembered for one song, Biffy Clyro are set to go the same way. However, Biffy Clyro seem to have a lot more at stake. If you think about it a different way, a somewhat decent band is going to bag Christmas Number One. It's a shame they had to use such shocking tactics to do so.

I'll leave you with what I think should be Number One this Christmas.

Have a good one.

The Rise and Rise of Tuition Fees

2010-12-09T14:54:00.000-08:00

Today, a man broke a promise he'd made. He signed a piece of paper which was contrary to what he had told people just months before. He had turned from zero to hero in next to no time at all and everyone seems to be turning against him in the same way. If you haven't worked out what I'm referring to, let the man himself do the talking...

Oh, the irony. The fairness we were promised was never delivered. Was it because of the inevitable compromise that would occur with a Coalition Government or because the promises were unfeasible and merely a lure into getting people to vote for the Liberal Democrats?

Personally, I voted for the Liberal Democrats because of their policy on Immigration, moving Migrant workers to where they were needed sounded like a good idea to me. Also having £10,000 a year tax-free appealed to me, a student who will soon be finishing his studies. I never really thought about Tuition Fees because I would not be affected by the changes in Policy but I can see why young voters would be drawn to the concept of Free Education. It's something they've experienced up to the age of 18, why not increase the age to 21 in something they might want to do as a career?

Students voted in droves for the Liberal Democrats because of this promise. They felt like they were really doing something. As if they were Americans voting for Obama in 2008 saying yes to change, and no to the norm. But voting solely for this reason, to my mind, is like deciding to go to Boarding School just because you've read Harry Potter. It would be advisable to look into all aspects before making such a leap. I accept that due to my lack of knowledge in Politics, I did something similar but I did at least skim the other parties' manifesto videos on YouTube (the BNP's makes for good comedy) to get an idea of what would happen if they won. These were useful because there was no spin, no fancy graphics, no celebrity endorsements, no wooden actors, just a potential Prime Minister reading notes off a piece of paper.

In a short space of time, the Lib Dems became THE Cool Thing. He appealed to the flannel shirted, skinny jeaned, forever young and usually politically apathetic teenaged student. To his credit, Nick Clegg managed to get young people voting where other people had failed. Unfortunately, the older generation were voting for the opposite of what they had been experiencing, the Tories and the rest, of course, is history.

So as the months passed, we witnessed David Cameron make cut after cut after cut with his side-kick Clegg standing solemnly saying nothing. From this, we got the impression that the cuts were being made by Cameron and Clegg was the minority, protesting against them without success. However, when the issue of Tuition Fees came to pass, something didn't add up. The promises made weren't kept. The above video was a marketing tool and a damn good at that.

Cue violence, vandalism and a need for vindication. The response was feeble. There was no explanation as to why the promises had been made in the first place, merely a disclaimer advising people to "listen and look" before considering "marching and shouting." If the issue had been something complex, such advice would be understandable but as it was something summed up in a sentence (If you want to go to university, you'll have to pay back more over a longer period of time), it seemed patronising.

What's strange is the fact that protests that have taken place over the past decade in the UK seem to have little to no effect on the outcome of an issue. We still fought in Iraq, we still had financial difficulties and now we are paying more for something that has not improved in quality.
The public's opinion doesn't seem to affect the minds of those in Government. They'll stick to their guns no matter what. It's both courageous and stupid. However when it comes to Nick Clegg, it seems his guns only had blanks.

Christianity - The Rant

2010-10-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

During Fresher's Week, I went to town for a night out and I walked past a church. Outside it were people handing out leaflets encouraging passers-by to get up that little bit earlier to worship the wonder of God, Jesus and that whole caboodle. I was handed a leaflet by someone. Despite my atheistic leanings I accepted it and placed in my pocket and walked on without another word. I turned round not long after to see the same person handing a leaflet to a young guy. Drunkenly, he declined saying loudly that he was an atheist and he didn't push his beliefs on other people. While I was embarrassed by how the guy was acting, I could see his point.

I used to be religious. From the ages of 9 to 13, I regularly attended services at my local Baptist Church. It was nice to feel like I was part of a community. Things changed though when I did R.E. further in depth rather than reading a Bible story and colouring in a picture underneath. We talked about how people believed in different things despite believing in the same God and how any given phrase from the Bible could be interpreted in weird and different ways. The more I thought about it, the less religious I became. I was disillusioned by the contradictions I had come across in doing the R.E. GCSE and A Level. And so, at present I would describe myself as an atheist.

Skip forward two years later. I am walking around town during my Lunch Break and I see two people handing leaflets. Unlike the people at the Church I saw, these Christians were far more extreme. They were talking about the need for people to repent for their sins so they could go to Heaven. They also described the Evil ways of modern-day society. My reaction to this was to say "Oh God" which I think they picked up on because they used that fact to start a tirade on how saying the Lord's name is a cardinal sin.

I'm left wondering what the point of it all is. What do these Bible Bashers/Jesus Freaks/Manic Street Preachers get out of preaching to people? And how many punters do they actually convert? It's the same with Hare Krishnas. They tend to stop people in a bid to make them join their religion. The whole concept seems immoral since it impedes on people's religion freedom. If they want to believe in a religion, they should do it because they want to not because someone with a strange haircut wearing unusual garments has stopped them on the street. Ultimately, people should realise that this flaunting of religion is only going to hinder their cause rather than attract people to it.

Fresher's Week - The Rant

2010-09-21T05:42:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year where students from far and wide come together in a celebration of joining a new form of education where the results don't count for much after the first year is over. A time where binge drinking, casual sex and occasional drug use is common and might become a way of life or just stay a one-off. Clubs, pubs and bars are crowded with youngsters brandishing notes in an attempt to max out their student loan before the year has even started.

It's a shame then that I'm too old for these hi-jinks. This isn't to say that I've not been out for Fresher's Week. But everytime I have, I have felt like mutton dressed as lamb trying to re-live my glory years (which, in retrospect, weren't so glorious). It's interesting to see people make the same mistakes that I did in that first week, namely, drink too much too quickly, latch onto people and not take the hint and fail to explore my surroundings properly (I mean, why only stay in Disneyland if you're in Paris?).

The shelves at Tesco seem to have changed for the sake of these incoming students. There is more emphasis on Tesco Value products like chocolate spread, washing-up liquid and (strangely) vodka. Despite these changes, it cost more for a bottle of Tesco's own shower gel. Instead of costing 10 pence a bottle, it cost 30 pence! I was very tempted to write a strongly worded letter to Mr. Tesco regarding this shocking alteration in price.

The stereotype of a fresher is a fresh-faced alcoholic sex-pest who feels more grown up than they actually are. Freshers are seen to be inferior to "real" students, but at the time we ourselves were freshers, we looked at everything with a sense of optimism. Alcohol had only just become legal for us, and it was the first time in our lives we were able to express ourselves by getting piercings, tattoos, dying our hair pink etc, so who can blame freshers for feeling grown up?

Autotune - The Rant

2010-08-25T09:33:00.001-07:00

Last Saturday, The X Factor came under fire. Not because people had finally realised the pattern of the winner (they have to be female, black and perform a cross between weepy ballads and R'n'B jams) but because viewers had noticed that the singers performing had a little extra "something" to their vocals.

That something was autotune, a music production trade secret until the early 2000s when the effect was set to overdrive in the song "Believe" by Cher. When that song came out, the concept of excessive autotune became a musical novelty used primarily by rappers as proof that they could sing as well as talk and rhyme in quick succession. The prime example of this is Kanye West who released 808s and Heartbreak which unabashedly used the effect. While West singing was a welcome change to his rapping, the sensationalism of him using autotune distracted from the intimacy that was meant to be shown on the record (West had recently lost his mother and broken up with his fiancee). The autotune also made the record sound both sterile and robotic.

Nevertheless, there were countless amounts of speculation on forums and social networking websites discussing whether the show had used Autotune. The performance by Shirlena Johnson was used as evidence.

Regardless of its use of Autotune, the performance is still terrible. The enhancement merely adds to the humour. I felt that it was used unnecessarily on people who were already good singers. Case and point, Gamu. She had everything the judges were looking for, a sob story (coming from Zimbabwe) and a powerful voice which was subtracted from by Autotune.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_7vFD04bFA

(couldn't find an embeddable link)

But is the use of Autotune really that a big deal? Before its ubiquitous use on Black Eyed Peas records, it had been a trade-secret used by everyone regardless of genre. It made bad singers sound good and good singers even better. It makes the listening experience far more enjoyable. It's like when double-tracking was used on Beatles recording. However, its use on a singing talent competition defeats the point of having that kind of show. That being said, it is usually obvious who the good singers are and you don't need Autotune to establish this fact.

I'll leave you with songs that may or may not have Autotune from artists that you wouldn't expect to use it.

A Response

2010-07-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

Seven months ago, I ended a relationship. The aftermath of this has been well documented in various ways including statuses on a social networking site, a blog and reactions from people associated with both me and the other person. The first thing to say really is that I don't regret ending the relationship. In some ways, I feel that it was the best thing to do considering how things panned out.

I met the person at a party at Halloween last year. We got talking and seemed to get on. Since I was feeling sore about my past experiences with the opposite sex, I was not expecting anything to happen from it. This attitude possibly worked in my favour seeing since my expectations were superseded. After a trip to Italy, we became official. For the most part, I enjoyed it. I had missed the feeling of being with someone and how you change as a person because of it. Having someone to share your enthusiasm in what you do while not being a part of it themselves (for example being part of a band).

Unfortunately, things weren't perfect. Other than the fact we liked eating "munch", watching films (mainly Disney for the sake of irony) and could talk for long periods of time about nothing in particular, we didn't have much in common. Our music tastes were different, our opinions on topics differed. In particular, we had one topic that we couldn't agree on - Twilight.

I hate Twilight. The premise is stupid and the characters are one-dimensional. It's porn for the abstinent and I fail to see the appeal. I base this on sitting through the first film. People don't realise that Edward Cullen is a creep and if men acted like him in real life, they would be considered socially inept as opposed to dark, brooding and romantic (see also Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights).

The grip that Twilight had on my ex-girlfriend was incredibly strong. She was part of forums, had posters on her wall, quoted from it on numerous occasions. She even had tattoos that may lose their meaning after the momentum of the DVD release of Breaking Dawn has died down. But then again, who am I to complain? Relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. If she could put with me explaining why Honky Chateau is better than Madman Across The Water, I could do the same with the story of a werewolf and a vampire fighting over the affections of a muggle.

Sometimes I felt I wasn't allowed to do certain things around her. I remember one time we went to a gig and I started singing along to the performer. Her way of getting me to shut up was to flick my ear. While I understood that I was being too loud, that was not the way to go about making me quiet. It made me angry but I didn't want to cause an argument by saying so. I also met her friends and I felt they were being quite rude considering they had only just met me. However, this was seen as "banter" and something I would have to put up with. My friends would often clash with my ex-girlfriend because she was very outspoken. This would make me feel caught in the middle. On one occasion, an argument over who could blow up the most balloons took place. I didn't take sides in this. I just remember feeling embarrassed.

In December, I had an argument with my housemates. This resulted in a falling-out which lasted for a couple of months. I felt isolated during this time. Luckily I had someone to confide in but this got restricting after a while since I could . I felt I had to sort things out for myself instead using an emotional crutch to get me through. My feelings weren't as strong as they once were I began to feel that I was sacrificing more than I was prepared to give in the relationship. So I called an end to it after a brief period of uncertainty.

This would be the end of the matter. We would remain friends and there would be no hard feelings. However I met someone else and things started to happen with her. Unfortunately, I was seen with the person by friends of the ex-girlfriend who thought I was cheating. This was not the case. I received a text from the ex-girlfriend warning me that her brothers were in town. The text implied that I would be threatened with violence so I panicked. I feared that I was going to be beaten up just because I wasn't with the person people wanted me to be with. The fact I wasn't with her anymore was also no-one's business but our own.

A heated argument followed this with me demanding to know what she was thinking in getting them involved. An apology never surfaced but the admission of "making a mistake" because she was "angry" did. I felt I couldn't trust her and being friends would be unwise. Not long after, a friend (the one who used banter) started talking to me trying to get us to be friends and to "be nice". I was having none of it. For one thing, it was none of his business and I was not comfortable with it after everything that had transpired. A response to this was: "It's not my fault my friends are worried about me."

I tried to be civil but I got tired of it. I could only put up with so much attention seeking and snide remarks being made at my expense. I dislike having my life surveyed from a distance as well whether it's liking a status or adding a friend of mine that she's never met properly. I know what the intention behind it is but it doesn't wash with me. I am not won over and I am not missing anything.

Weekend Jobs - The Rant

2010-06-13T19:54:00.001-07:00

I was 15 when I got my first Saturday job. Frustratingly, I was at the age where I was too young to get a proper job but too old to ask my mum for pocket money. I looked around for a job but was constantly rejected for being too young. However, there was one place that accepted me because I was fifteen and three quarters. The three quarters gave me some sort of wisdom that people who had just turned fifteen lacked.

The job was at a shoe shop in Windsor, in the children's department. My duties included measuring children's feet and finding shoes that fitted from amongst the racks and shelves. When I was given the job, I was promised by the manager that I would earn 5 pounds an hour. This figure was revealed to be an exaggeration. I earned only £3.50 an hour but at the time I didn't complain. Money's money. The manager was quite a strange man in retrospect. He was very "over-familiar" with people, putting his arm around them while talking to them. It was very unsettling but because he was the manager, I couldn't really call him out on it.

At the time, I was mocked by friends because my line of work. The idea that I got paid to touch children's feet and possibly gained some sort of sexual pleasure from doing so was somewhat humourous to them. As the shop was in the centre of town, they would have the tendency to try and embarrass or distract me while I was working.

The clientele I was dealing with was families. However, I did have the occasional adult customer who would buy kids shoes because they had small enough feet (I've had to do it myself). My relationship with the parents of these families would vary. There would be friendly parents who would let me get on with my job without problems. Others would criticise my method of measuring shoes and insist their child's feet be measured in an unorthodox manner. Some would even try to get me in trouble for the smallest and most trivial of things. I remember once I told a customer it was annoying that I couldn't find shoes in the right size for them, the next thing I know, they storm out of the shop and later demand to see the manager after I'd said they themselves were annoying. Very bizarre.

Relations with my colleagues varied as well. Managers liked me because I respected them (through fear) and because I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. I felt somewhat uptight when working for some reason. I didn't act in the same way at work as I did at school. I suppose it didn't help that I was referred to as "Edward" while working and as "Ted" while at school. I still have that issue in some ways. It's too much hassle to explain to people at work that I prefer being called Ted, particularly when I put my full name on my CV. Perhaps it's a good way of keeping business separate from pleasure.

I worked at the shoe shop for two years. I left after I made a mistake on the tills and ended up having to pay for a pair of shoes out of my own pocket. It was during December, and that pay cheque would have been used to pay for Christmas presents. In the end, I only had 20 pounds to spend. Luckily, I'm tight with money and had only two people to buy for.

5 months later, I sought another job, this time at a coffee shop. I was there for 6 months and was the only English employee for all of that time. Coffee wasn't exactly something I was big on (you can't play it or listen to it) but I respected people's love of it and was willing to satisfy their need of it. Again, money's money. It was a time of discontentment (thanks in part to A levels) because I was not particularly keen on the people I was working with. There was a language barrier meaning my sense of humour was wasted on them. There wasn't really much to discuss either on a personal level, a mixture of not caring and not knowing what to talk about. So I was left to deal with the task at hand. I was somewhat hindered by the attitude of employees bossing me around, telling me to "fast up" or do things in a certain way despite the methods being illogical or pointless.

Since these jobs, I've been working with an agency. Part of me misses the hustle and hassle of the Saturday job. Unfortunately, I've not got one because I've never been around long enough to work at one. Damn me for wanting play gigs at Swansea when I could pouring cups of coffee, touching children's feet or twiddling my thumbs in Windsor.

Why Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is overrated...

2010-06-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

In 1973, Elton John released two albums. The first was the glitzy and polished "Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano Player". This album seemed to be targeted to the audiences in America with pop-hooks and sparkling production. The second album was Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, an album that confirmed John's superstar status and showed his ambitious nature since it was a double album. Yellow Brick Road was heralded as John's masterpiece, his magnum opus. It certainly had a lot of commercial success, reaching number 1 in the UK, US and Australia. It is still popular today appearing in countless greatest albums lists.

As an Elton fan, I find it frustrating that Yellow Brick Road is so highly lauded. Personally, I don't think it's THAT good. While there are certainly some high points on the record such as the first four tracks and a few other parts later on, the album stalls as it progresses. Tracks like Sweet Painted Lady and Roy Rogers don't stand up as well as, say Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting and Harmony. This fluctuation in quality is to be expected though since most double albums have some filler of some sort. Even the White Album, with its intangible superior quality, has some bewildering moments. Nevertheless, the musicianship on the record is faultless and the Elton John Band of Dee Murray (bass), Nigel Olsson (drums), Davey Johnstone (guitar) play proficiently throughout.

As a rule, double albums have to have some kind of experimentation. Yellow Brick Road leaps genres occasionally with its results being patchy. The best example of this is Jamaica Jerk Off, a nod to Reggae music. The problem with this song is that this feels like a throwaway, something that should appear obvious in the title of the song. All in all, the song feels very cod. Perhaps that's the point, it's not like Elton was going to go wholly rasta on the track. Meanwhile, Your Sister Can't Twist is a rock n' roll number that is infectious and randomly uses Fucik's Entry of the Gladiators (the music that always makes you think of the circus) to great effect. Another successful experimental song is the first track Funeral For A Friend/Love Lies Bleeding. This song is progressive and grandiose.

On a few occasions, Bernie Taupin's lyrics don't hit the mark. This is because of the bizarre subject matter: lesbians (All the Girls Love Alice), prostitutes (Sweet Painted Lady), gangsters (Danny Bailey) and Miscellaneous (Grey Seal and This Song Has No Title). In other words, your guess is as good as mine as to what they're about. There's a touch of misogyny in "Dirty Little Girl" that seems uncharacteristic to the rest of the album. Elton sings "Someone grab that bitch by the ear" in a voice that fails to snarl sufficiently. There are lyrics that are great on the album. There is the profound Candle in the Wind, the hedonistic Bennie and the Jets and the sentimental title track.

Despite the high praise given by critics, this album isn't one I'd recommend to first time Elton listeners. I'd suggest Captain Fantastic (Don't get me started on how great that album is) or Honky Chateau. These albums are far more cohesive than Yellow Brick Road and they are far more deserving of the honours bestowed on that album.

Stereophonics - You Gotta Go There To Come Back

2010-06-08T18:33:00.000-07:00

It was very easy for the 'Phonics to create JEEP II for this record. They could have easily picked out an old Rod Stewart hit and written a few jolly choruses which would appear in adverts for Sunday papers. Thankfully, they didn't.

What stopped them from this was the alienation that Kelly Jones had felt since creating that record. Since JEEP's release, Jones had come out of a long-term relationship. His ex-girlfriend had also started going out with his friend causing him to react badly (namely vandalising a car). While his bandmates had settled down with kids and wives, Kelly Jones lacked this stability.

This comes across in the music of You've Gotta Go There. On the whole, there are more mellow moments in this record than before. The acoustic guitar seems to soften the bite of Jones' lyrics like "Rainbows and Pots of Gold". The heavier songs are styled after records from the 70s. They're also quite few and far between providing a shock to the listener after hearing so many of the slower tracks.

Jones' lyrics display confusion (Maybe Tomorrow) and anger (Jealousy) and regret (Since I Told You It's Over). He does not mince his words and it seems that there are many targets that his pen is aimed at. This defiance is something that was touched upon in Mr Writer from JEEP, which caused the 'Phonics to be derided by critics (which was unsurprising given the subject matter of that song). There are also character sketches in the likes of Madame Helga and Moviestar. The production on You Gotta Go There To Come Back is rougher round the edges than previous records. This is good because having a polished sound would not suit the mood of the album.

After creating this record, the 'Phonics did exactly what the title said. They reverted back to their old sound with Language. Sex. Violence. Other? The intimacy was missed from these later albums but it would be unnatural for Jones to try and recapture this magic since it was meant to a form of therapy from all of Jones' ills. All the same, it was an experience they learnt from and built on.

Athlete - Vehicles and Animals

2010-05-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

In 2003, my best friend was a massive Athlete fan. When we were at school together, he'd always sing the chorus to "You've Got The Style" during Games to pass the time while we proved what we already knew - we were terrible at football. Because of this, I became a casual listener of the band. It wasn't until 2005 that I made the plunge in buying their first album, after hearing Wires on music channels.

Why I'd not made the leap before, I will never know. This album was probably one of the best of the decade. Laden with pop hooks and production that was so polished, it was criminal that the pop crowd didn't pay more attention to it (even if it was just mums shopping for CDs at Tesco). The album contained sing-along melodies and simplistic lyrics coupled together.

Vehicles and Animals works because it follows a linear pattern. In other words, there's a beginning, middle and end. The first song "El Salvador" draws in the listener in with the addictive keyboard parts and the somewhat familiar vocal line (with apologies to Avril Lavigne!). There's the prophetic statement of "Whenever you look you can see that everybody wants to be part of the rock scene" in Westside.

The middle part consists of "One Million" and "Shake Those Windows". "One Million" is engaging and has the Odelay-esque musical change within it. "Shake Those Windows" fondly recalls the first time the singer heard old-school rap. If you got bored by this engaging middle section, "Beautiful" helps draw back your attention. The chorus soars and shows a recurring pattern in their material, they have the ability to make the crowd sing like it's the last gig of the tour at Wembley. The middle section progresses with alternating throwaway and well-thought songs. "You've Got The Style" has a cheerleader-like chant and turns it on its head. The title track has the sentimental recollection of the singer playing with toys (namely teddy bears and cars).

The end arrives next and this consists of optimistic songs which are all in the key of C. These are truly uplifting and fantastic. It could be argued that this pattern is predictable but consider what Athlete are doing with the plans they're given. Everything seems precise and it works to help make an enjoyable record.

Unfortunately, Athlete fell under the spell of Coldplay and their followers by trying to ape their sound on "Tourist". While it worked on some records, the naivety of Vehicles and Animals was missing. The new found profoundness helped them sell albums though, so you can't really blame them. It's a pity that those days seem so far behind them. Nowadays, Athlete are releasing U2-lite epics which don't make them stand from bands like Snow Patrol, Starsailor or Ragged School. The sooner the band release Vehicles and Animals II or start playing the entire album live, the better.

Gigging - The Rant

2010-05-18T17:42:00.001-07:00

I would like to pose a question: Do promoters work for bands or do bands work for promoters? To put it another way, would a promoter offer a gig to the Beatles or would the Beatles come up to a promoter and ask him to provide them with a gig?

Relating to my previous post about open mic nights, the next step after playing enough of them is start playing actual gigs. How you get said gigs varies. Someone might ask you after you play a set at the Milky Showcase. A band/individual might message you on MySpace or Facebook asking if you can play a gig they're organising. Perhaps you might try a more guerilla approach by busking in the street, hijacking the tannoy in Tesco or playing in a back garden. Whichever way you do it, a gig's a gig.

Contacts are essential for getting gigs. The possibility of a gig might make people be unnecessarily polite and allow themselves to be doormats for promoters, bands etc. For example, whether you like a certain band's music is irrelevant when you have a gig with them. They are your benefactors and should be treated with respect. However, you might be able to slip a text commenting on their performance when you think no-one is looking.

The genre of music you play might be different to the band you are supporting. This has happened on a few occasions with me. While my band is influenced by indie acts like The Strokes and Phoenix, we have played with bands influenced by Paramore, Limp Bizkit and Billy Bragg. While it's good to have a mixed palate, it can be difficult to be savour when bands with such different influences play the same event. It makes it harder to find a niche for yourself and your own band.

Then comes playing the gig itself. Usually, the band will be asked to turn up at 7:30. As a result, one member (usually me) will turn up at that time before the rest of the group trickle by one by one. A hour will have passed, and the band will still be able to soundcheck for whatever reason whether it be lack of drumkit, technical difficulties or diva-like bands. So we'll have a brief line check five minutes before the set is due to begin (rule of thumb, the first band will always be the band that doesn't get to soundcheck). So the first band's performance will be shaky since they're not able to hear what they're playing!

Relating back to the first paragraph about the promoters, the band will have played an amazing set (in their own opinion) and will no doubt think they deserve some monetary gain for their efforts in terms of performance and travelling to the venue. Unfortunately, because the gig has been so terribly advertised (i.e. not even an event page on Facebook), the promoter has made a loss on the gig and thus you will not be paid. You won't even get a free drink, how's that for injustice?

Unless you get snapped up early on, gigging might be a daunting process for a band. Playing to indifferent crowds who have come for the cheap booze rather than the atmosphere and music can take its toll on a band. I encourage bands to not lose faith and to keep sticking to their guns (rather than turning said guns onto themselves).

The Election - The Rant

2010-05-06T12:46:00.001-07:00

I don't know much about Politics. I don't pretend to. The only things I know are that going to Iraq was a bad idea, that Gordon Brown became a scapegoat for everything from the Recession to the increase in Immigration and that we're not part of the Euro. The Labour Party have received a lot of flack over the past few years. I couldn't tell you whether it's deserved or not but I think that any other party would receive it if they were in power under the given circumstances.

In April 2010, Gordon Brown called for an election, three years after we really should have had one following the resignation of Tony "Good for minimum wage, bad for War on Terrorism" Blair. Then came the excitement of people having the vote. For a whole month, the country talked excitedly about how they'd decided to vote Liberal Democrat because their dislike of David Cameron's poshness and Gordon Brown's supposed inability. In short, Nick Clegg + co. became a fashion statement.

I was fortunate enough to receive two postal votes, one for Windsor and one for Swansea. I decided to use the Swansea vote since my decision would make more of an impact. Windsor is a Tory-area and always has been. While it means that the BNP won't get in, it means anyone else is undermined too. It makes you wonder whether the Queen can vote, and whether she supports the Conservatives.

The tabloids' coverage of the election has been interesting. The majority of papers from the Daily Mail to The Sun have endorsed the Conservatives while The Mirrors Daily and Sunday are the only papers supporting Labour. The Observer and Guardian are backing the Lib Dems. The views expressed in papers today was quite amusing. While the Sun said David Cameron was "Our Only Hope", the Mirror reported on an old photo of the Tory Leader that "he didn't want you to see". An article by Tony Parsons was featured describing how and why Cameron would be bad for this country, namely saying he was a "posh twat" in so many words.

The fear of a "hung parliament" has been looming over us for the past month. The idea of Labour and Lib Dem forming a coalition is seen as bad because Gordon Brown could become Prime Minister once more. Germany has had a "hung parliament" for a long time and thrived on it. The Germans were the first to get out of the Recession. Of course, it's not as simple as that. But I'm not particularly fussed about investigating it further.

During his launch of the Liberal Democrats' manifesto, Nick Clegg talked about how voting previously was a question of voting out the party you disliked the most, a competition between the Red team or the Blue Team. There is an element of truth in that. The campaigns of the Tories usually consist of digs against the Labour and vice versa. The Lib Dems have the advantage of not getting caught up in this friendly fire but supposing they came into power, it's possible that they might end up trash-talking the rival parties in a bid to keep their seats safe.

The most interesting campaign so far has been the BNP's. When not getting up the noses of the makers of Marmite and starting fights with Asian youths, they've been talking about their policies, a mix of pseudo-racism and attempts to butter the public up with promises of getting rid of political bullshit (bureaucracy) and bringing an end to the War in Afghanistan.

Open Mics - The Rant

2010-04-28T16:40:00.000-07:00

One of the first things I wanted to do in Swansea was to play in a band. It made sense to considering the course I'm on and the state of the music scene at home (too far/expensive to go anywhere good). I was lucky in that I found like-minded (they didn't think the Beatles were shit) individuals on my course that I could play with. Once we'd got a band going, we needed to play gigs. This required us to play at open mic nights which can be either amazing or tedious depending on the other acts or the venue.

At open mics, you tend to find a variety of people playing. Whether it's a bunch of pre-pubescent kids armed with Strat copies or older men remedying a mid-life crisis by playing classics like "Hotel California" and "The Man Who Sold The World". The night starts out with you turning up early to ensure you get a good slot. Usually, it's a stupidly late one. By the time, you hit the stage, everyone has gone, even your enthusiastic supporters (i.e. parents, siblings and mates!).

Nevertheless, you decide to wait it out. You might get a good night's worth of music. Or to be more realistic, you might hear someone sing a song you recognise from somewhere before despite the singer claiming it to be an original. Just thank your lucky stars that you're out clubbing in monotonous and crammed conditions (which would you give you something further to rant about).

The music at the open mic night is quite eclectic. You literally have no idea what kind of music the bands are going to play. They do have a uniting factor though. All require guitars whether it's a metal band armed with band t-shirts and Jackson guitars or a fumbling acoustic player thrashing out discordant powerchords.

Your opinions of the acts must be kept to yourself throughout. Obviously, you can't boo acts you don't like, this isn't a pantomime. However, if you're with people, you can use your mobile phone and text your feelings to them. Make sure, you don't say anything too amusing otherwise your friend might laugh hysterically while the act are playing which would never do. Another wise move would be to not insult regular players at the open mic. Just because the organisers haven't had the heart to tell them they're terrible doesn't mean you should.

Of course, the open mic is the stepping stone for musicians. People might like what you're doing and you could get further gigs after playing enough open mics. In the end, the shit you have to deal with doesn't seem so bad.

The Simpsons - The Rant

2010-04-15T18:04:00.001-07:00

In the 1960s, Bill Hanna and Joseph Barbera created cartoons that were to aired on TV. The budget for these cartoons was much smaller than what they were used to for creating Tom and Jerry shorts which were played in cinemas. This meant that the cartoons had to rely on witty dialogue to help the plot progress rather than naturalistic animation. The decreased quality of animation in these cartoons was criticised. Chuck Jones (who would later direct later Tom and Jerry cartoons) described the cartoons as "illustrated radio". Nevertheless, Hanna-Barbera produced some of the most memorable cartoons in TV History, namely the Flintstones, Top Cat, The Jetsons and so many others.

Originally, the cartoons produced (particularly The Flintstones and Jetsons) were targeted at audiences other than children. For instance, Top Cat was aired during prime time on ABC, when adults would be watching. However, over time, the market for these cartoons was lowered to suit the needs of children. As a result, the humour was not as sophisticated as it was previously. By the 1980s, there was a lack of animated sitcoms targeted at the whole family. This was until Matt Groening hit the scene.

As we all know, Matt Groening is the creator of The Simpsons. He impulsively came up with the idea of a family so that he didn't have to surrender the rights of his creation, Life in Hell. He took the idea of a dysfunctional family naming its members after his own parents, siblings and other relatives and filled a void which had been present in TV for a long while. Groening produced shorts for The Tracey Ullman Show and later, the family had a series of their own. These first series were targeted more to young people, teenagers and older children. This explains why there is so much emphasis on Bart, whether he's standing up to a bully or getting an F in his test. Over time, the show focussed on the misadventures of parents Homer and Marge.

The Simpsons was unique when it first aired because it showed a more realistic image of a family in Modern America. Bart's behaviour on the show caused controversy with conservative Americans citing him a "bad role model". What they didn't realise was that Bart wasn't meant to be a role model. Surely it was up to the parents to explain to their children that how Bart's behaviour was not the sort of behaviour that they should subscribe to themselves.

The show reached a plateau in the mid-1990s. Every episode was consistently funny with layered humour that would make both adults and children laugh for different reasons similar to those old Hanna-Barbera cartoons like Top Cat. The Simpsons made fun out of everyone whether it was Corporate America, Pulp Fiction or cliched stereotypes that we had seen countless times before on live action sitcoms.

However, time passed. Other animated sitcoms came along to push the envelope further than The Simpsons ever could. South Park's digs against were far more personal (and therefore more hilarous) than that of The Simpsons. The fact the celebrity mocked on The Simpsons was in on the joke themselves (as a guest star) meant that the writers had to try and avoid crossing between parody and insult. Meanwhile Trey Parker and Matt Stone just didn't give a shit. Seth MacFarlane then churned out the controversial Family Guy which got commissioned then cancelled then commissioned again once Fox realised that there was money in insulting people.

The writing quality gradually declined on The Simpsons while the animation got better and better (perhaps too good?). The show seemed to get bogged down in references to popular culture (from the titles of the episodes to the contents of said episodes). It seemed to try and squeeze as many as possible from a given situation rather provide depth to it and get as many guest stars to appear as it could. When Family Guy referenced a celebrity, you'd have no idea that the actual person voiced themselves until you saw the credits. Nowadays, the Simpsons tries to make it as obvious as possible that the celebrity in the show is actually voicing themselves, a gimmick that has worn thin after all this time. The Simpsons seemed to run of ideas and resulted in trying to squeeze as much humour out of a given situation rather giving emotional insight into it.

The show also seems to have become a separate entity to Matt Groening over the years, as if it's no longer his pride and joy. Trey Parker still writes episodes for South Park and Seth MacFarlane voices numerous characters on Family Guy, American Dad and The Cleveland Show, Matt Groening's only real connection to the show is writing one or two episodes (Some Enchanted Evening and Colonel Homer) and guest starring as himself in another.

People often say that The Simpsons isn't what it was but it's still better than most shows around. While it is still entertaining, the jokes aren't as strong as they were in earlier series. Its success seems to have revealed the flaws that conventional sitcoms have, too many cliched and predictable situations and not enough laughs. The fact the Simpsons is still around after 20 years is a testament to the genre of the animated sitcom.

Football Songs - The Rant

2010-04-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

It was announced that there would be no Official World Cup song this year. The official reason for this was that the FA "want to be fully focused on the football". As gutting as this might sound, there is also of kind of relief. The Official World Cup songs are usually terrible. It will be the first time since 1966 that there has not been a song. Is it a coincidence that the last time we didn't have a song, we actually won The World Cup?

So what's wrong with the World Cup songs? The first problem is that they assume too much, mainly that England WILL win. Remember those flags back in 2006 which said "It Can Be Done 1966-2006"? And the crushing disappointment when we discovered that it CAN'T be done. Songs like "3 Lions" play on the underdog attitude that we English have. Any enthusiasm shown is seen as being un-English. The Scottish song for World Cup '98 is another example. "Don't Come Too Soon" by Del Amitri includes the lyrics "Even long shots make it" showing that they're not expecting much (and why would they?) but if they win, it's an added bonus.

Musically, World Cup songs can be quite trite. The song needs to be catchy, not annoying. After all, it's meant to have the crowd at the stadium singing along encouraging the England team. This is why "We're On The Ball" by Ant and Dec failed. Having two midget Geordies jump around saying meaningless names does nothing for encouragement. The Fat Les song, "Vindaloo" worked because it was catchy and very tongue-in-cheek. The premise of that song was basic though: "We're gonna score one more than you. ENGLAND!" The song for the last World Cup was by Embrace. While I like Embrace as a band, them doing a football song was an odd choice. They can write good songs, sure. But they couldn't really write songs that would be appropriate for drunken louts armed with credit cards looking to give people Chelsea Smiles. The final result was a song that sounded like Coldplay with positive lyrics delivered in an unenthusiastic manner. It didn't help that we didn't win. Camp Embrace has gone quiet since its release.

That being said, re-releasing a song that's already been a hit with lyrics changed to suit the theme of Football is a no-no. While the song might be catchy, this concept is highly unoriginal and gimmicky. It also means that the original song isn't held in such higher regard. Take "Is This The Way to the World Cup?", "Come on England" and "Hurry Up England". It's the equivalent of a child taking a marker pen and crossing out the words "Amarillo", "Eileen", and "Harry" with "England" and hoping that it will still make sense.

So ultimately, a new kind of song needs to be written. One that talks about how the pay to effort ratio for footballers is unbalanced and how most footballers are more famous for their activities off the pitch rather than on it. There could also be a social commentary on how the English are bad losers and how they can go all "Green Street" on people just because they lost a precious a game of football. Perhaps there could be an environmental message too relating to all the waste produced after the World Cup is over. Paul Heaton, I look to you for this.

...Or we could just forget all that and have this instead.

Supergrass - The Split

2010-04-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

Supergrass were always the underdog in the Battle of Britpop (joint honour with Ocean Colour Scene). While Oasis led the way with their swagger and Blur crafted sophisticated pop songs, Supergrass were happy just playing energetic pop-punk (not to be confused with the American travesty of the same name) for those who were too young to witness the Undertones and Buzzcocks.

It was announced today that the band was to split. This came as a shock because there seemed to be no reason why they would. The brothers in that band seemed to get along better than Noel and Liam and they didn't seem to be taking a more bombastic (i.e. dance) direction that would cause members to leave. It was revealed that the band was to split due to (wait for it...) MUSICAL DIFFERENCES! The band released a statement saying: "Thanks to everyone who has supported us over the years. We still love each other but, cliché notwithstanding, musical differences have led to us moving on."

So what differences could there have been? Did Mick Quinn want to make the band more death metal while Gaz Coombes wanted to be more MOR and Danny Goffey wanted to up sticks and join Ocean Colour Scene? Who can say? But further gossip from the Supergrass saga shows that there had been tension prior to the split. However, it wasn't the same sort of tension that Oasis had with smashed guitars and members quitting beforehand. It was just a bitchy comment on Twitter (why air your dirty laundry so publicly?) from Danny to Mick saying: "No Mick. You're the problem." Despite this, Supergrass are set to play farewell shows in June in the UK and playing a final show in France. Presumably, any squabble they had has been patched up or (to quote the album title), they're "In It For The Money".

Supergrass were an important part of my musical upbringing. I remember buying their best of in Germany when I was 14 and I never looked back. Their work was always consistent and they never overtly changed direction (or feebly attempted to) like Blur and Oasis. When they did on Road to Rouen, it worked because they showed a more sensitive side that was understated. I also saw the band when they played at Ascot Racecourse (Is that selling-out? Discuss.) while I was working there.

This split along with the demise of Oasis and The Verve shows that Britpop has officially died a death. It's unfortunate but bands can only wear their influences on their sleeves for so long. It should signal a change in pop music. What direction it will take, we don't know. But we can only hope that it comes soon and removes all the crap that we have in the charts now.

School Trips - The Rave

2010-04-10T13:08:00.001-07:00

From my previous posts, you might have got the impression that I hated being at school. There were times when I didn't feel such a strong hatred towards the place. These consisted of the school holidays and whenever there were school trips.

Because of the type of school I went to, School trips were usually quite extravagant affairs. With my school, I could go skiing (on real snow), rock climbing (on real rocks) or canoeing (on real water). I could even go to America. The possibilities were endless. I didn't even have to think of the costs because I was at a care-free age and after all, what else are parents for? Besides, parents could really complain about having fork out a fortune for trips because it was for the sake of our education that we went on them.

When I was 15 (Year 10), we had to go on a compulsory trip to France which lasted a week during the Easter holidays. I remember having to get up nice and early to get the bus and travelling an entire day to get to the Youth Hostel. I used the time to listen to a lot of albums. From the top of my head, I can remember Nightfreak by The Coral, Up All Night by Razorlight, Lost Souls by Doves, A Secret History by The Divine Comedy and Pushing The Senses by Feeder being in that list of them.

So school trips were good for listening to music. They were also good for getting to know people you wouldn't talk to usually. The boundaries separating the different cliques and social groups were lifted. I could approach the cool people and have proper conversations with them without worrying who might see me and mock me afterwards, accusing me of "fancying" whoever it might be.

This relaxed atmosphere meant things might have happened which otherwise wouldn't. People seemed to hook up left, right and centre. It even happened for me on one or two rare occasions! More often than not, these didn't lead anywhere outside of the trip. The couple would act like they'd never met after the trip, never to speak again except to sign a shirt during the last day.

Alcohol was another bonus to these trips. I went to Dublin a few months after the French trip and the teacher in charge actually bought us bottles of booze. Despite being alcopops, it was great to get free alcohol! That probably was the only time we got alcohol for free though. The rest of the time, we had to find someone who looked old enough to buy it for us or we'd buy cheap cartons of red wine etc. depending on which country we were in. It was the same deal with cigarettes although there was somewhat of a market for them in England since tobacco is so much cheaper in Europe.

You always felt like you were missing out if you didn't go on these trips. You'd hear about goings-on after the trip had ended and everyone came back on Monday morning. There was a trip to Spain around the same time as the trip I went on to France. The gossip from that trip seemed more interesting than what happened during ours.

Amy Winehouse - Frank

2010-04-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

In 2003, a young Jewish girl from Enfield, London released an album which combined hip-hop with jazz. There were wry observations of her life coupled with jazz standards both sung with a voice that was beyond her years. While accomplished, the voice seemed naive and unsure of itself. Indeed, it showed great potential.

It takes balls to start off an album with the words "Feel like a lady and you, my lady boy." It takes even more balls to sing that and being consistent, following it up with more venom towards former lovers. Bear in mind, female singers before then consisted of the likes of ex-Spice Girls and Didos and Kylies either being spoonfed songs to sing which intentionally lacked grit or writing songs which were so inoffensive, they had to be sampled in rap songs to make an impact. In short, Amy Winehouse was a breath of fresh air musically.

Frank is a confessional album (unsurprising given the title). The lyrics for the entire album were written by Winehouse (others contributed to the music) which explains their edge and why there is an air of youthful pretension. "What Is It About Men?" and "You Sent Me Flying" sound like diary entries. "I Heard Love Is Blind" gives a candid description of her cheating on a lover with lyrics like "Baby, you weren't there and I was thinking of you when I came." Imagine Norah Jones singing that! There are observational lyrics like "Fuck Me Pumps" which describes the lengths women will go to attract men on a night out and how amusing Winehouse finds it all.

The music is a combination of hip hop beats (In My Bed is one of a million to sample "Apache") and jazz instrumentation which is polished but still allows Winehouse's vocal to shine through. However, the covers are not given the hip-hop treatment and they played exactly like the originals. Winehouse's voice expresses different moods on Frank. It can be playful (hidden track Cherry and October Song), profound (There Is No Greater Love) and petulant (Stronger Than Me).

Despite its successes, Amy Winehouse looked back negatively on the album saying that she didn't get the full creative control she'd have liked. By the time she did get creative control, she had changed as a person. She was older, her voice matured and she was in the throes of drug addiction. As a result, Frank serves as a memorial of a healthier time for Winehouse, whether she felt it or not.

Berkshire's Music Scene - The Rant

2010-03-13T14:01:00.001-08:00

In Windsor, there is not much of a music scene. Because of its proximity to London, people tend to go there for gigs rather than risk seeing a band in their home territory. As matter of fact, except for once in the early 1990s, the music scene in the whole of Berkshire has been ignored. The only band from the area to have made a splash in recent years (excluding The Cooper Temple Clause) is Beggars from Reading who were signed to EMI (via Heavenly). They released one single and have appeared to sink without a trace since. There was also Happylife which released an album a few years ago. They supported the Rasmus (Oh Jesus!) in 2004 and went quiet afterwards. Their former bassist now works at a music shop in Windsor.

But what about the unsigned talent in Windsor? I mentioned playing my acoustic set with screamo bands a few blogs ago. These bands included Alaska (now called You Win Again, Gravity) and Lucid Dream (who have since split). Other bands of note are Follow Me South and Scars and Sirens who sound like they're from the US rather than the UK. Their commercial sound make these bands appear to lack an identity of their own.

Of course, Berkshire has one redeeming factor in its music scene - Reading Festival. The weekend where bands from all over the globe come together to play the Main Stage, NME Radio or that other stage which no-one goes to. The problem with Reading is that there becomes a Brightonian attitude with kids thinking they're better than everyone because they happen to live in the right area.

Chat Roulette - The Rant

2010-03-07T18:07:00.002-08:00

One day, my housemate talked about this weird new website he'd been on. It was called Chat Roulette and the idea behind was that you spoke to complete strangers online. You'd have your webcam plugged in so people would know what you looked like. Despite the concept being contrary to the ethos "Don't talk to strangers" I'd always heard, I figured I should try it out for myself.

Once you "start the game" (yes, this concept of meeting people is considered a big game), you expose yourself to a world of weirdos, perverts and loners. The website's main users are middle-aged men who are getting themselves off on webcam. It's quite a shock when you open a new conversation and see an eyeful or a creepy man who asks you to "show more". Occasionally on Chat Roulette, you'll find yourself talking to people at a similar level as yourself who happen to be seeing what the fuss is about and/or killing time. Other times, you have to deal with morons giving you the finger like it's something they've just learned. There have been several times where I've seen clips of pornography and random images like a GIF of Daffy Duck masturbating and a picture of the word "fag" with an arrow pointing at me.

Conversations on Chatroulette don't vary much. You will start with "Hi" and then ask where the person is from. A lot of people I've spoken to have come from France strangely but I have seen a couple of English people on the site. Another topic that comes up is age. Once you find out someone's under 16, you tend to back away and fear that you're experiencing entrapment. An unwritten law of the site is never mention your name. Conversations are made up of "you" and "partner" or "stranger". Anything else merely complicates things.

Despite all this, Chatroulette is still very addictive. There's a thrill in not knowing who you're going to talk to. Whether you'll be friends for life or friends for 5 minutes (if that). The whole concept feels Orwellian somehow though, meeting someone but not actually talking to them outside of a computer.

iPods - The Rant

2010-02-20T17:56:00.000-08:00

It's probably a simple pleasure in my life but I love it when I have my iPod on shuffle when I'm walking and two songs come on by the same artist. It's only happened twice. Once it was The Who, the songs being "My Generation" and "Won't Get Fooled Again". The other time was Oasis with "Where It Did All Go Wrong?" and "Acquiesce". Considering the volume of my collection, it was miraculous that those songs came on one after the other.

Of course, the downloading and MP3 culture is a double-edged sword. While it means that music is more accessible to people, its significance in people's lives has decreased. In other words, you can get any song you want but you probably won't bother investigating further into the artist or album. The iPod has become a commercial evil because of this. There is also the issue of the iPod being a fashion accessory which changes slightly every season. Whether it's in a new colour or it has a different way of showing what you're listening to.

All the same, Steve Jobs is making a packet by finding the needs of the consumer and feeding it. The problem I find is that he doesn't seem to feel for the music his service provides. How often do see him talking about his favourite music? The only musician I've ever seen him with is Bono and it's safe to say that it's not because they're having a jam together. Steve Jobs is also a Buddhist, would you believe? The idea of being a businessman who renounces all his possessions is quite an odd image.

But anyway, whatever you might think of Jobs or Apple. The iPod is synonymous with MP3 players. In fact, the word "iPod" is interchangeable with "MP3 player" amongst people who are slightly technophobic and/or over the age of 40. Ultimately, it's just having your music collection at hand and not having to flick through CDs to find a certain album and a certain track. Does it really matter that the quality decreases?

Rod Stewart - The Rant

2010-02-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

Not everyone that started out in the 1960s made a name for themselves in that decade. It would be in the 1970s when they would finally become household names. The name "Hotlegs" doesn't mean that much to people but they are likely to know the band "10cc". They are effectively the same act but with bubblegum pop songwriter Graham Gouldman on bass. Shane Fenton and the Fentones made a bit of a splash outside of the Top 20 in 1961 but when Fenton went solo and changed his name to Alvin Stardust, history was made. To this day however, people still confuse him with Gary Glitter.

Meanwhile there was a little known footballer from London who did a bit of singing as well. He started out as a hippie and then a mod. He was in a couple of bands with people like Ray Davies, Jeff Beck and Long John Baldry before finally making a name for himself. Stewart then picked up the mandolin and his mark on musical history was made. He released albums made up of covers by Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan and other classic artists. His gravelly voice and the folky instrumentation made his music stand out. Just listen to Street Fighting Man by both the Stones and Rod himself, quite a world of difference.

Not only was Stewart a singer of songs, he was also a writer of them too, having a few self-penned hits to his name, the songs being Maggie May and You Wear It Well. What strikes me about both songs is how they are pretty much the same song, coated with different lyrical matter. Both feature the same instrumentation (12 string guitars, mandolins etc.) and are in exactly the same key. There are non-sequiteur instrumentals before the songs, "Maggie May" has the medieval "Henry's Theme"and "You Wear It Well" has the less odd "Interludings". The songs also feature exactly the same drum pattern, a primitive "boom dah, boom dah". Despite this, "You Wear It Well" is one of the most played songs on my iPod. Stewart's lyrics aren't exactly awe-inspiring but they do have some child-like and/or self-depricating wittiness to them. "Maggie May" is also quite high-up in my most played list.

Another impressive feat by Rod is the fact that he juggled a solo career AND a band simultaneously. He was the singer of the Faces, which contained the previous Small Faces minus Steve Marriott and included Keef-a-like, Ronnie Wood on guitar. Some of the early Rod Stewart feature members of the Faces playing and their presence is no secret. You'd see Rod and the Faces on Top of the Pops performing either Rod's solo stuff or the Faces blues-rock stomp. In a way, the Faces were a supergroup but unlike anything Eric Clapton created, it didn't feel like the band was formed for the sake of it. They also had lasting power which was ultimately ended by the success of Stewart's solo career.

The formula of folk and Faces wore thin after several albums. Smiler was the last to have it. It featured a bizarre cover of "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman" by Carole King, swapping genders in doing so. There was also a rehash of "Maggie May/You Wear It Well" in "Farewell" since it contained the primitive drums, the mandolins and a instrumental performed on harpsichord before the actual song. It's interesting to note that all three songs featured guitarist Martin Quittenton as co-writer. Meanwhile Ronnie Lane felt sidelined in the Faces since it was perceived that they were just a backing band to Rod and his ego/solo project. He left in 1973 after album Ooh La La's release before the band finally split a little while later.

So Rod went to America and cleaned up his act. The sound became polished and the songs performed more poppy in nature. Financially, it was a wise career move but in some ways, it could be thought of as Stewart "selling out". This change of plan carried on and to this day, Rod is still remembered for his versions of "Sailing", "The First Cut is the Deepest" and "I Don't Wanna Talk About It". He still wrote songs but these were never as satisfying as his cover versions in all honesty. The material he wrote was never as slick as something (say) Holland-Dozier-Holland would come up with but you can't blame him for trying really.

Nowadays, Stewart's career is kept afloat by these covers. Over the last ten years, a somewhat overlong project has taken place in the form of covering the Great American Songbook. The list of songs covered is exhaustive, it has managed to cover (pardon the pun) four albums and it doesn't seem to be slowing down. There have also been versions of rock classics and soul classics. It's enough to make you wish Stewart would write another sequel to "Maggie May!"

These covers have been very saccharine. The production is so clean, it loses its identity. Rod's voice has also aged terribly (not his fault really, since he had surgery on it in 1998). The content of these albums is no different to the material produced by X Factor and Pop Idol winners, unnecessary covers butchered beyond recognition. Thinking about it, Stewart is both the creator and disciple of this trend. He started his solo career by doing original takes on covers inspiring others to do the same. Nowadays, the arrangement of a song is exactly the same as the original but in a different key tailored to Rod's voice or whoever the X Factor winner is that year.

Speaking of X Factor, Rod Stewart features on Everybody Hurts, the charity single for the Haiti Earthquake. His appearance on the record is a bit like the Last Supper of Music. Naturally, Simon Cowell is Judas Iscariot.

Bill Withers - Just As I Am

2010-02-10T14:40:00.000-08:00

Bill Withers is a funny one. Everyone can whistle "Lovely Day" or "Ain't No Sunshine" but he's not held in the same regard as other soul musicians like Marvin Gaye or James Brown. It's frustrating since his career was as fruitful as the above artists.

Just As I Am was Withers' first album and contains "Ain't No Sunshine" and other gems. The majority of the tracks range from funky ("Harlem") to emotional ("Hope She'll Be Happier"). There are also covers of "Everybody's Talking" and "Let It Be" (what is it with soul artists covering The Beatles?). The problem with the cover of "Everybody's Talking" is that it is in the same key as the track before it, Sweet Wanomi, so you need to take a minute to realise that you're in fact listening to a different song.

Bill Withers' voice is an understated instrument. Whilst, it didn't have the elasticity of Marvin Gaye and/or James Brown, it still contained depth. On "Ain't No Sunshine", having solely the vocal and acoustic guitar is hauntingly brilliant. It works particularly well with the lyrical matter like "I'm Her Daddy", a song about a father who has lost contact with his daughter. One criticism of this record would be the inclusion of a "proto-rap" in the middle of "Do It Good" where Withers gives thanks to producer Booker T. Jones and says some crap about himself being who he is. It feels stunted when it is meant to feel spontaneous.

All in all, the album is underrated. It might not be making a profound statement like "What's Goin' On" but it still has something to say.

Charity Singles - The Rant

2010-02-03T10:39:00.001-08:00

One evening in 1984, an Irishman sat down to watch the news. One of the stories on this edition of the news was Famine in Ethiopia. The reporter, Michael Buerk, talked of a famine of Biblical proportions happening in the 20th Century. He also described the malnourishment as a "living hell". Like many people watching, the Irishman was shocked by the images he'd seen and wished he could do something about it - something, anything.

That Irishman was musician, Bob Geldof. He decided to give his friend, Midge Ure a call and they ended up writing a song together. After this, Bob and Midge called all their musician friends and they all recorded the track. The song was released in November and reached Number 1 on 11th December, staying there for 5 weeks. The name of the song? "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

The idea of a charity single was used repeatedly after this. Generally it was for noteworthy causes and many big names were attached to the song. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" was recorded three times in total. The Americans did a version called "We Are The World" written by Lionel Richie and the late Michael Jackson. There were also songs for The Hillsborough Disaster, The Zeebrugge Disaster and for charity telethons like Children in Need and Red Nose Day.

As time went on, the Charity Single grew cliched. The idea of singers coming together in sing into mics and be filmed feigning concern for whatever cause was spoofed countless times. The quality of songs went downhill as well as producers ran out of covers to choose from. Nevertheless, the records sold bucketloads because to not buy it would be insensitive to the situation whatever it might have been.

The most recent of these dirge-like covers is "Everybody Hurts" for the Haiti Earthquake. Once upon a time, this song was a weepy teen suicide anthem of the early 90s. However, in this day and age, everyone from opera singers, reality TV contestants and The Corrs having been hijacked by Mr. Simon Cowell. This version ticks all the right boxes. There are many famous singers singing into microphones whilst holding their headphones passionately (I've been in studios, NO-ONE does that!).

On this version, the majority of the singers have something to do with Simon Cowell and/or The X Factor whether they've won it (Joe McElderry, Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke) competed in it (JLS), acted as judges (Cheryl Cole), mentored (Mariah Carey, Michael Buble, Jon Bon Jovi and Robbie Williams), had weeks dedicated to their music (Take That), songs of theirs covered (Miley Cyrus) or appeared as musical guests (the same list as the mentors). The only names who (seemingly) aren't connected are Mika, Kylie Minogue, James Morrison, Rod Stewart and James Blunt. Susan Boyle also appears on the track increasing her musical longevity by another 5 minutes (and no, she doesn't deserve a BRIT nomination. She released covers as did Mark Ronson who shouldn't have won either). Regardless of the intent, it comes across as increasing exposure for the X Factor and a way to get back at the public for not making his act, Joe McElderry Number One at Christmas.

Criticising this song is pointless because it is meant for charity. As a result, people can get away with releasing all kinds of crap in the name of selflessness. This song certainly isn't the best charity single and neither will it be the last. As long as people keep having disasters, musicians and producers will follow in the footsteps of Sir Bob Geldof.

"Breaking Up Is Never Easy, I Know, But I Have To Go..."

2010-01-16T11:50:00.000-08:00

You're in a relationship. You've been together for a while but things just don't seem right for some reason. The spark you once had might have faded or there are disagreements between you and your significant other. This isn't strictly arguing but you could have a difference of opinion on things like music, films and other interests. In the beginning, these differences are ignored, glazed over by the excitement that comes with being with someone.

Whatever the reason, you decide to end it. This decision is one of the hardest you can make. The first question to ask is how do you do it? Apparently convenient methods like sending text messages and emails is frowned upon. Despite being more personal, calling is also a no-no. If you're going to do it, it has to be in person. It's better to hear that sort of thing from your lips rather reading it on a screen.

Another question would be when to break up. Sometimes you can't immediately act on feelings due to circumstances. For example, it would be unadvisable to end a relationship around the time your significant other has lost a relative. There's a scene in Curb Your Enthusiasm where such a situation occurs with hilarious but cringeworthy results. Holidays like Christmas, Birthdays and Easter should be avoided as well since people will remember you as the guy who dumped his girlfriend at such-and-such a time.

Relationship advice suggests that when you do break up, it needs to be in a neutral place. It's understandable that breaking up at either yours or your girlfriend's house is unwise for various reasons but how can you define neutral? Would you dump someone in a shopping centre, or at a train station? Those places count as neutral but they're possibly too public for something so grave. Your best bet would be to go to your mutual friend's house, break up there and then cause your mutual friend to take sides if the aftermath is hostile.

Speaking of the aftermath, staying friends can be difficult to keep up. Feelings can get in the way on both sides. Unless you're Ross and Rachel, it's not always possible to hang out in the same group without awkwardness. Friends can get caught in the middle and choose to stay out of it. Couples who remain friends truly are an admirable set of people.

Whatever happens, what happens due to your decision is the same. The significant other might get upset as you say the dreaded words. You'll feel like an arsehole for a little while afterwards. But time heals all wounds. At some point, you'll overcome the feelings that a split can cause and improve as a result.

Worst albums

2010-01-13T07:11:00.001-08:00

A little while back, I contemplated writing about what I thought were the best albums ever. The choices seemed obvious, too obvious. How many more greatest album lists do OK Computer, Sgt. Pepper and Nevermind need to be in? What about all the albums that no-one remembers? What about Vehicles and Animals, Who Killed The Zutons and Crying At Teatime? Picking out flaws in albums is far more appealing to me. Thinking about it, it'd also make more sense to "rant" about albums as opposed to praising them. There'd also be the issue of putting them into a certain order and justifying it. I could spend years doing that and never get it right.

So what makes a bad album? One indicator is comparing it to other releases by the band. Hearing a band's early stuff after getting accustomed to their current sound might baffle listeners. Take Leisure and Modern Life is Rubbish by Blur. The former was an exercise in Madchester by a band that wasn't from Manchester (or anywhere North, come to think of it), they seemed more comfortable on Modern Life because they found their voice and worked with it. Being put in a mould you don't fit has been a problem to befall other bands.

High expectations is another factor. A band which makes an album that does well both critcally and commericially is certain to get pressure to do a follow-up that is either the same quality or better than their previous effort. Acts who have risen up to the challenge include Elbow, who have always released consistently good material. Oasis also managed to keep the same standard on Morning Glory that they had on Definitely Maybe. Unfortunately, the majority of acts are unable to sustain the momentum that they had on their last album, whether it's caused by time issues (rushing or taking too long to make another record), changes in fashion (take the change from nu-metal to Coldplay-ist indie), or pretention in the band who think that because their last one did well, they don't need to work so hard on their new release. Pigeon Detectives and Razorlight, I'm looking at you.

Sometimes, an album can be bad because of things within it. This is definitely true for debut albums when nothing previous to compare the album to. As a result, comparisons are made to acts who sound similar. Take The Enemy, who sound like Oasis in the sense they were their influences on their sleeve. As a result, a lot of their songs sound like other people's songs. Case and point, "London Calling" and "Don't Cross The Red Tape."

So on with the list. For reasons said before, I've not put these albums into an order of "badness". I'll provide the bad albums and leave you to work out what order they should be in for yourself.

The Magic Numbers - Those The Brokes

When not taking offence to allegedly sizeist comments, The Magic Numbers made gorgeous guitar pop from a forgotten/overrated era. Their first album was great because of its universal appeal. A middle-aged woman would hum along to the tune having bought the album from Tesco while a fanboy would wear a badge with their logo proudly on his blazer. The songs were accessible and catchy, what more could anyone want?

When it came to a second album, The Magic Numbers became like a sweet that tasted good but turned sickly after too much sucking. The songs weren't as memorable on Those The Brokes and the majority of the songs on the record were over 5 minutes which would be fine if they managed to say things we hadn't heard in the first two. There was a sense of banalty in some tracks as well. Lyrics like "This is a song/and these are the words/I don't wanna hear it/Don't wanna hear it" feel somewhat Rutle-esque without the humour and obvious satire.

The Ordinary Boys - How To Get Everything You Ever Wanted In 10 Easy Steps

Appearing on Celebrity Big Brother was a double-edged sword for Preston. On the plus side, his band gained exposure from audiences who would otherwise ignore The Ordinary Boys. He also managed to get a wife out of the show as well. However, purists would criticise his appearance saying he'd sold out. Either way, "Life will be the death of me, sitting in between four walls" had a new sense of irony forever afterwards.

The Ordinary Boys were, in retrospect, an indie punk band. They had the biting lyrics for punk but musically were inoffensive. People would dance to the music unaware of what the message behind the song was. In fact, their first drummer was straight-edge, that's how punk they truly were! They also tipped their cap towards the 2-tone ska sound with covers of Little Bitch and Rudi's In Love, as well as a cameo from Rankin Roger's song on "Boys Will Be Boys".

This typecasting didn't suit Preston however. He felt that the band sounded tired and publicly decried Brassbound, their second album. A change of tack was required and it came in the shape of How To Get Everything You Ever Wanted in Ten Easy Steps. Lyrically, the band talked of how everyone was selling their soul (Lonely at the Top) and how shit the rock 'n' roll lifestyle was (Nine2Five). Instead of a more aggressive sound which you'd expect judging from the lyrical content, the band made a (dare I say it) POP record. You had loops and samples where once used to be guitar riffs and a proper drum kit. The album even had a love song for his wife, Chantelle "Yoko" Houghton called "I Luv U", a cliched love song that talked of cliches.

The question here is, did Celebrity Big Brother/Chantelle Houghton their change in sound? Had Preston not appeared on the show, would the band have taken that direction? The questions will probably never be answered. Both band and marriage ended after the record was released.

Human After All - Daft Punk

Homework and Discovery were critically acclaimed albums. The French duo sold shedloads and were highly accessible with multi-layered songs. You could dance to them and/or appreciate the variety of samples in the records as well the development the duo added to them whether it was the addition of lyrics or combining two genres of music that wouldn't usually come together. There were also weird videos with dogs on crutches and an anime rock group to behold as well as well as anonimity from the band themselves who hid behind welding masks with Jumbotron. It was daft (ha!), but it worked.

The bubble burst with Human After All. The main with the record is the repetitiveness of it. "Robot Rock" and "Steam Machine" are some of the worst culprits with a hooks which are repeated for around 5 minutes. There was little development and what you heard at the beginning of a song was sure to remain the same by the song's end. The band's management were aware of the criticism Human After All received. Their response was to encourage people to see a live show where the songs allegedly worked better. Does this mean that those who couldn't see the live show are only getting half the picture? Thankfully, Justice were able to fill the void of dance music which unite everyone albeit with a darker tone.

2am in Flat 3b - The Close-Ups

Remember that band with the cartoon characters whose singer sounded like someone from a Britpop band? Remember how they managed to combine a variety of genres to create pop gems (Gorillaz and Demon Days)? This gimmick worked because the songs worked outside of the whole "cartoon band" idea.

I read about a band called The Close-Ups in Q Magazine and after seeing their album in Oxfam, I decided to chance it and buy the album. They had the same gimmick as Gorillaz, a band made up of cartoon characters which was created by Carl Green. If you look at the cover, you can see a picture of Carl Green in the background. There's the first flaw, surely the idea of having cartoon characters as a band is so you can distance yourself from the work. You don't see a picture of Damon Albarn standing next to 2-D, do you?

Another problem with the record is the vocalist. She can't sing. Whether it's meant to be an ironic statement or whether Carl Green couldn't find anyone else, I don't know. It doesn't help that the lyrics are complete fluff either. At least Paul McCartney gets away with talking crap on his records (particularly stuff by Wings) by being a good singer.

A description of this record says that it is "unsophisticated, sweet and strange bubblegum pop with traces of pyschedelia and 1950's Hollywood." Unsophisticated, yes. Strange, yes. Bubblegum pop, yes. The rest, I struggle to find evidence of.

The Vines - Vision Valley

In 2004, Craig Nicholls was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. A form of Autism, it causes difficulties with social interaction and repetitive behaviour to occur. While we had seen these signs in Craig Nicholls, we just put it down to him being a rock star as opposed to suffering from a psychological condition. Instead of cheering him on when he smashed up a guitar, we began to worry as to why he was doing it. Prior to his diagnosis, Craig Nicholls' behaviour was causing a strain on the band. Bassist Patrick Matthews left because he couldn't take it. Live performances were marred with the singer larking about onstage singing out of tune or playing his guitar out of tune. While it seemed cool in 2002, it seemed formulaic in 2006.

The cover should have been an indicator of the content on Vision Valley. It was a black background with a Vines logo and the album title on it. While not strictly bad, you would have expected a bit more from the art department. It's the same with the music. It's not bad, just disappointing.

The songs are all so short, you're too scared to blink in case you miss them. It's as if The Vines got bored of the song and wanted to move on as quickly as possible. The length of the tracks also meant that a formula could be seen in them. There'd be a riff, a verse, a chorus, a verse, another chorus, a solo and yet another chorus. That'd be it. And it's a shame because there are great moments on Vision Valley that are marred by not giving a chance to develop. There are also some quite moronic titles on the record whether it's the preachy "Don't Listen To The Radio", the mindless "Fuk Yeh" and the downright bizarre "Futuretarded".

What's worse is that the album after this, Melodia, followed the same formula. With repetitive song structures and ridiculous titles ("He's A Rocker", "Get Out" and "Hey"), The Vines did themselves no favours and had become a caricature of Rock n' Roll.

Social Networking - The Rant, Part 3: Facebook

2010-01-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

At Christmas 3 years ago, I was persuaded by some friends of mine to use this new social networking site. At the time, I didn't see the point. I was happy with MySpace. I was oblivious to how clunky and impersonal it was and I was proud of the number of friends I had (1395 friends at present, most of which are bands). Eventually, my friends made one for me using my email and an amusing password. Facebook would go through my list of contacts and I would get a whole load of friends through that.

So I caved in and got Facebook. It's now 2010 and I've not looked back except to reminisce about what I looked like when I was 15 (apparently, I've not changed that much) and to update my band's profile. Seeing all the friends I'd made over the years was quite a surprise. What was more surprising was that I finally found out what their surnames were since I'd met most of them drunkenly, at a party or online, perhaps even all three (says a lot about a party if you're drunk on MSN doesn't it?).

The funny thing about Facebook is that it is more personal than other sites but you can't really personalise your profile. The profile you do have is pretty generic with your name, interests etc., the standard you've come to expect. You type it all in the same font that comes in black. This lack of individuality doesn't seem to affect the masses who flock to it. Personally, what I like about Facebook is being able to find people easily. This doesn't necessarily mean stalking them (apparently that's illegal) but just typing someone's name in and having the site work out who you could be referring to based on mutual friends.

However, Facebook is far from perfect. One issue is that it keeps changing with improvements that are neither necessary nor required. The number of groups saying "stop changing Facebook" is astounding. More astounding is how these groups are ignored by Mark Zuckerburg et al. "Ignore the masses, let's change it anyway!" you can hear them say. Another pain about Facebook is how it was originally for students but has since been overrun with schoolchildren and adults trying to get down with the kids of today. In the last year as well, I swear the number of fan pages has gone up. They're over stupid things like "After Monday & Tuesday even the Calender says W T F..." and "Jesus is Sausage Backwards", the small things you titter at and then forget.

When people first meet, they automatically ask if they have Facebook and add them and then never speak to the person again. When adding the person, there's three things people will look at: relationship status, list of mutual friends, an email address and photos. If you're single, attractive and are friends with certain people, you're sure to do well. Many's a time however, when people have added a member of the opposite sex thinking about professing their love for them only to find that they are "in a relationship", such dreaded words. Sure, this sort of behaviour is stalking but as it's on the internet, it's not so bad. Look at downloading and filesharing, that never hurt anyone.

Nevertheless, Facebook has created historic moments. Look at the Christmas Number One last year which was instigated after a group on the site. I also learnt about the deaths of famous people using the site. I didn't use the news to learn of Michael Jackson's death, I saw someone's status saying he was. Anyway when Facebook's time is up, you wonder what the next social networking fad will be.

Postscript: You might have noticed that I've forgotten about Twitter. No-one cares what you're doing in your day unless you're Stephen Fry, Ashton Kutcher or one of the Sugababes (the latter of which is just an excuse to hurl abuse really). As David Cameron once said: "Too many twits make one a twat!"

Social Networking - The Rant, Part 2: Bebo

2010-01-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

When I was at school, social networking was in its infancy. As a result, there were only two choices, Bebo or MySpace. Choosing which social network you used was a big move. It dictated who you were as a person, whether you were a chav or a goth, whether you were cool or a loser and other social stereotypes. To make life easier, I had both which a lot of other people also did. Looking back, I can't help but wonder what the fuck I was thinking. Just as well I used MySpace more.

When you look on people's Bebo pages, the first thing you notice is how sickening it is. There's so much going on, your eyes don't know where to look. People usually have put in a background that distracts from the content of the profile. Not that there's anything unique about the content, it's pretty much a rehash of what can be see on a MySpace page. However, this isn't strictly true. You'd be certain to see lots of x's and underscores in people's profiles outside of the address bar. There was also an emphasis on quizzes and people being stupid enough to leave contact details on their profiles. "MSN...add it!! comegetmepaedolol111@hotmail.co.uk"

This isn't the reason why I didn't like Bebo. It was more to do with the informal attitude presented on it like a totally cool and far out speaker who comes to tell kids that drugs are bad and you should stay in school. You'd be encouraged to "share the love" when commenting on someone's profile and you could also include a "better/other half" which consisted of a photo and a comment which would ideally encourage the person looking at your profile to go "AWWWW!" Then people realised they could get their mate to pretend to be their girlfriend and everyone would have a great laugh about it. I also wasn't keen on how people who you weren't friends with (or didn't know at all) could comment on your profile. I actually deleted my account after receiving a gay jibe off a total stranger. I remember thinking, "You can insult my intelligence Bebo, but you can't insult me and get away with it!"

One of my friends actually despised Bebo (or rather the chavs who used it) and got her boyfriend at the time to create a fake account to hurl insults at the people in question. I was accused as being the creator of the fake account which I refuted. I don't know if people actually worked out who it was. It doesn't really matter now.

Social Networking - The Rant, Part 1: MySpace

2010-01-11T09:09:00.000-08:00

Remember when you were 14 and you heard about this great new website which you could make all about YOU? You could personalise it by putting photos up of you and your friends. You could talk about yourself along with your interests and other things all placed in a list below your photo. You think that would be it but wait, there's more! You can add your friends and look at their photos and see what they say about themselves. But it doesn't stop there either. You can leave comments on their profiles and they can do the same to you. You don't even need to know the person whose profile you're commenting on and in the same way, they don't have to know you. Eventually you'll amass a collection of these people who you know but don't know at the same time. The name of this fantastic website? MySpace.

So the idea of MySpace was pretty unique half a decade ago. We all seemed to ignore the random loud music that would play when you clicked on someone's profile. We didn't care that you'd have to learn an entire new language which you couldn't learn in a book, just so you could have a different coloured or sized font. The number of strangers who added us was not a problem. We were teenagers, we were invincible (great line for a book there!). We didn't mind the culture of "MySpace whores" either, who took photos of themselves at weird angles and made faces like they had a twitch in their mouth, and kept using the ampersand (the "and sign" for those who don't know) out of context. The obsession with reciprocating comments on a picture of someone wearing too much make-up with a terrible haircut and unnecessary piercings was nothing but a blur to us. Five years later, it haunts us all and we only have ourselves to blame.

We also didn't object to the number of bands that would get signed just by having a demo which sounded like it was recorded in a bucket on the website. The bands themselves seemed blissfully unaware that by putting up a song on your profile, you lost pretty much all your rights to the work. To be fair though, a lot of bands were painted with the same MySpace brush. Arctic Monkeys were considered one of the first bands to make it big through the website. It was more to do with their fans exchanging demos online and possibly creating a fan site for them. Lily Allen is also credited as "getting famous through MySpace". Chances are that she would have been big anyway considering she had a number of connections thanks to actor father, Keith Allen. She was also signed to a big label around the time she was using MySpace to promote her demos.

Nevertheless, there are negative connotations that come with being a "MySpace band". The frivolous nature of music is increased on the internet because people get bored quickly. There's also the issue of high volume of acts using the same platform to expose themselves. People get sick and tired of bands sending requests for people to add them. Despite doing so, the people will ignore the band and only really listen if they're friends with someone in said band. If the band does get big, they might listen and boast about how they were there first.

Ironically, my band The Vintage Sound does have a MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/thevintagesoundband). Despite the issues described, it's cheaper than creating a website ourselves and most of the legwork is done for us. The only thing we need to do really is type a blurb about ourselves, put up songs and create a crappy logo. The rest is up to the big record execs who might stumble upon us while looking for porn.

Snow - The Rant

2010-01-06T12:40:00.000-08:00

Sky News has always liked to make a Media Circus out of things. It happened with the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, reporting every movement of everything at the hotel from which she was abducted. It happened again with the death of Michael Jackson when Sky News reported from the Staples Center and doling out free tickets to the memorial service (which in itself was a bit of a circus).

The latest Media Circus however, was to do with SNOW. Yes, the headline for Sky News was "It's SNOWing." Reporters were shown from different parts of the country which had SNOW. You had a weather girl telling us what the cause of SNOW is. There were warnings that everything was to be closed and that the kids could stay home from school while the adults remain at home from work (possibly).

SNOW seems to be the thing which unites people because of the way it affects everyone. Just looking at Facebook statuses, almost everyone is saying "SNOW" like it's some foreign concept to us. It's a bit like when a load of people watch the same thing on TV. Everyone talks about it afterwards. The difference with SNOW is that people who don't have a TV can witness its effects.

It happens every year. The whole country is ground to a halt because of a few inches of SNOW. We never seem to bother to prepare for these "extreme conditions" so we only have ourselves to blame when airports, train stations, bus services and KFC close. Then again, the SNOW only lasts for about a week. Pollution and rain will get remove it by then.

One complaint I usually hear from people is that the SNOW always comes after Christmas, and that it'd be great to have a white Christmas for once. Would it be so great though? Most people see relatives at Christmas and if there was snow, there'd be issues with the roads and people couldn't go anywhere.

2010 - What can we expect?

2010-01-03T14:03:00.000-08:00

A new decade has approached. The world is our oyster. We might not have been able to prove ourselves between the years 2000-2009, but hell can we do it now! People can noq discuss whether to call it "twenty-ten" or "two thousand and ten" (I prefer the latter). Cynics and conspiracy theorists will prophesy the end of the world, saying it will happen in 2012. Whether you believe them or not doesn't matter. If they are true, it's not so bad. It means you have more of a chance to live for the now. If you're wrong, you might have to think twice before you start looting shops.

I was going to write about albums of 2000-2009, but then I realised that there's no point. I've only been around for 2 decades and I only got into music halfway through the latter decade. I may as well be writing a list of greatest albums of all time. Writing about albums of 2009 was hard enough anyway. Listening to them all, picking up out favourites and trying to identify why this album is better than another and then regretting making the decision (I should have really included Kings of Convenience rather than Stereophonics). Anyway I need to look forward and try to find out what I will call the next Is This It, A Rush of Blood or Those The Brokes.

As is customary for this time of year, I need to make a resolution. I need to promise to find something wrong or lacking and improve on it. Over the last few years, I've made some resolutions I've stuck to. Last year (2009), I made the resolution to read for pleasure more. Conveniently, I was in a building which didn't have a television so I had no excuse not to read. The year before (2008), I promised myself to be eclectic. I was partially successful. I listened to more dance music and I branched out into other genres. Technically, I still keep this up today and I did before I made the resolution. Anyway, I'm trying to self-improve for the most part.

This year, I made a pledge which required a little more dutch courage. I want to play solo. I tried it once when I was 17. I was at an open mic armed with an acoustic guitar and a flatcap. Everyone else was into screamo. I truly was a fish out of water. I played self-composed songs which needed touching up, in retrospect. The timing was off because of nerves and I kept changing time signatures, something I discovered Robert Johnson did and which I pretended to do deliberately due to his influence. Whilst it was an obvious lie, it managed to impress a lecturer at a university I didn't attend, but very nearly did.

I've become a little more confident since coming to Swansea. The open mics that take place are slightly more eclectic. You might get a metal band followed by an acoustic player followed by The Vintage Sound (a great plug for a band if there ever was one). I've seen the standard of players in the past and thought "I could do that" or "Hell, I couldn't do that" or even "Hell no, why would I want to do that?!" I suppose it's a matter of giving it a try and saying you have so you know not to do it again.

What helps is that drinks in Swansea are cheaper than in Windsor. If I'm nervous, I can get some courage. And if I'm terrible, I can drink away the embarressment.

Albums of 2009

2009-12-30T16:10:00.001-08:00

Because of my refusal to spend 10 pounds on an album, I usually don't listen to newly released music. Thankfully, due to the credit crunch and changing tastes, I have been able to find albums from this year in the 2 for £10 sale and in other places for a fairly good price. Christmas also contributed to me hearing albums for 2009. I was fortunate enough to receive some as Christmas presents and with an HMV voucher, I was able to buy more.

Putting albums into a list is quite difficult. There's always the fear that you've missed some out or that you're going to regret rating an album so highly. Arguments might be ignited by my decision to choose one album over another. And today's hits might become tomorrow's stinkers. But anyway, here goes...

10) Keep Calm and Carry On - Stereophonics

The 'Phonics had a return to their original sound after the heavier stylings of Pull The Pin and Language. Sex. Violence. Other? in 2009. The latter was a kick up the arse for the band while Pull The Pin was not so forceful. In some places of Keep Calm, the band sound quite twee, the lead single "Innocent" shows this with the youthful sentimentality in the lyrics, which describe trying many a vice and the backing "oohs". There's also use of drum loops, on Beerbottle for one, which may come as a surprise conisidering this band was seen as unabashedly organic in sound. Highlight tracks include Stuck In A Rut and Live n' Love, songs which don't deviate from Stereophonics' formula.

9) Quicken The Heart - Maximo Park

Paul Smith is quite the eccentric. This is seen in the wordiness of his band's material. Their music is catchy and danceable, but the lyrics require further inspection. On Quicken The Heart, the lyrics are as intricate as ever, talking of the complexities of love and other topics. The music seems to fall flat on here though. "The Kids Are Sick Again" isn't as striking as songs like "Apply Some Pressure" and "Our Velocity". The latter was part of a "difficult" second album so why they struggled here is quite bizarre.

8) Invaders Must Die - The Prodigy

People worried that The Prodigy would take another 7 years to deliver an album that would collapse on itself like Always Outnumbered. Instead, the band took 5 years with a fresher take on things and the return of Keith Flynt, who was sorely missed on the last album. It helps that in the time their last album was released, bands like Klaxons and Does It Offend You, Yeah? (the singer of which co-produced Invaders Must Die)looked up to the Prodigy as idols and continued the rave long after the Criminal Justice Bill silenced the raving youth of the early 90s. Invaders Must Die combines the old rave with the new.

7) Blood - Franz Ferdinand

Tonight: Franz Ferdinand could have been huge. From the hype around it, we were told to expect a lot more pop (production was going to by Brian Higgins of Xenomania) and the influence of reggae and electronica as opposed to the art rock style of the last two records. However, the band being with Brian Higgins didn't work out. The band came to the conclusion that they weren't really a pop group. Funnily enough, they started again with Dan Carey, who worked with pop stars like Kylie, Lily Allen and Mr. Hudson. Four years after the last, Franz finally released this album.

The album was quite pedestrian despite of the boasting. Thankfully, Dan Carey made dub versions that put life into the songs which were compiled onto Blood, a bonus disc released with the album. The songs are made more danceable and it's good to see that Franz did actually take risks. One can only hope they do the same with future releases. The stand-out track is Katherine Hit Me, which combines Katherine Kiss Me and No You Girls (the latter being the best track on Tonight).

6) Journal For Plague Lovers - Manic Street Preachers

After Richey Edwards disappeared, the Manics carried on without him. They released the arena-rock albums, Everything Must Go and This Is My Truth. They garnered popularity for the band and allowed to release more challenging records like Know Your Enemy and Lifeblood. These had electronica infused in the songs and it might have alienated those who were hoping for another Holy Bible. In 2009, these fans were finally awarded for their patience with Journal For Plague Lovers which had Richey Edwards' lyrics, a tribute to their former guitarist who was presumed dead in 2008. Really, this album is Holy Bible II with controversial artwork by Jenny Saville on the cover and Edwards' biting lyrics coupled with angular guitar aggression by James Dean Bradfield.

5) 21st Century Breakdown - Green Day

Once upon a time, Green Day were punks, well pop punks. They started their career playing covers of The Who, Operation Ivy and The Ramones. The band then became big with Dookie (leading them to branded as "sellouts") released more records until getting stuck in a rut with Warning. Then they tweaked their formula and released rock opera/political battlecry, American Idiot. Green Day then became the voice of a generation who couldn't actually vote but demanded change.

After four years, these teenagers became old enough to change the world. George Bush was sent packing and replaced Barack Obama, who was left with the mess made by the Bush Administration. 21st Century Breakdown represented this idea of "What a mess. Who's going to clean it up?" On the record, there's a storyline involving a couple called Gloria and Christian. The plot is vague and as a result, you have to take the songs at face value. Unsurprisingly, they sound similar to songs on American Idiot (Viva La Gloria! and Letterbomb?). The difference however is that American Idiot had moments of experimentation, African drums on Extraordinary Girl and two songs made up of lots of little ones. This idea of trying things out is sorely missed on 21st Century Breakdown, but nevertheless the record is more focussed this time around.

4) Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix - Phoenix

Phoenix are truly underrated. While trends have been and gone, this French band have been making great pop music. This record was clean and sonically polished. Throughout, the album is nostalgic and has songs which are short and to the point. In fact, the record has 10 tracks and is under 40 minutes. Thankfully, they are getting more exposure. A video for "1901" on Youtube (consisting of the song and a picture of the album cover) has received 2 million views.

3) Kingdom of Rust - Doves

Like Franz and Green Day, Doves took time over their album. Unlike the Franz album, it's business as usual from the former dance-group known as Sub Sub. They stick to what they are good at. The difference between this release and previous ones is how dark the album is. This may be due to the death of Jimi Goodwin's father during the recording process. As a result Kingdom of Rust is like their debut, Lost Souls. The guitars on the record chime and soar throughout.

2) Humbug - Arctic Monkeys

Instead of releasing Whatever People Say I Am Part II in 2007, the band released an album that shook off any doubt that Arctic Monkeys were just a one-off. They continue in this vein in Humbug, which was co-produced by Josh Homme of QOTSA. Whilst songs like Crying Lightning and My Propellor don't have the immediacy of their earlier songs, it's a sign of their development. The bass sounds fuzzy, the drum patterns are more complex and Josh Homme seems to have shown the guitarists a trick or two. The only thing that remains the same is Alex Turner's voice. What sings now is different however. Cornerstone is a charming song about yearning for an ex. With the inclusion of lyrics about "parrot's beaks" and "Letraset", you wouldn't expect so but it warms to you in time.

1) Ignore The Ignorant - The Cribs

The Cribs made it big in 2007 with Men's Needs, Women's Needs, Whatever. That album combined their lo-fi Strokes-y sound with a polished Strokes-y sound. The band were kicking against the pricks as ever but they had a wider forum to spread the word with. Then Johnny Marr joined the band and this is the result. The Cribs have made an even more polished record than Men's Needs and it is clear that Ryan Jarman has been able to focus more on singing while Johnny Marr arpeggiates chords like he did on those old Smiths albums. There are shouty tracks like "Cheat on Me" as well as introverted slower songs like Save Your Secrets.

Things that Annoy Me II

2009-12-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

1) Alcohol

Up till the age of 14, alcohol doesn't affect your life too much. You have a sip of champagne at Christmas and then get paranoid that you're going to get drunk. Obviously, you don't. Even the lightest of lightweights (like myself) would be able to handle the stuff. After 13, it becomes the lifeblood of your social life. Every party has to have the stuff. If it doesn't, it's no better to the parties which had jelly and ice cream and pass the parcel.

When I was 15, I had a party. I invited all my friends and was very excited. I would be able to profess my love for a girl who would be coming and maybe get some time alone with her. And since it was in my house, she couldn't really say no. My mother stipulated that everyone would only be allowed one bottle of alcohol each. Unfortunately, the alcohol was Barcardi Breezers (cola flavour if I remember rightly). Unsurprisingly, the party was crap. We put on Anchorman in the front room but people kept going off to different rooms in my house to bitch about things. The girl I liked left after an hour because the alcohol was "too much." Trust me to try seducing a teetotaller with alcohol.

2) My inability to grow a beard

One day someday, I'll look like my age. Until then I have to put up with my youthful features, chubby cheeks and my diminutive height. One way of combating this would be to get facial hair. However, having a beard is not a decision to be taken lightly. Get it wrong, and you'll look like a tit with pubes stuck on your chin, like Cartman in that episode of South Park.

I'd be worried about having a beard, I'd probably look quite stupid with one. I'd also be worried about how it felt when I kissed someone. As it's the 2000s, not the 1970s, most girls don't go for the bearded look. At least not when I'm at home. No-one has a beard in Berkshire. In Wales, every male who can does, whether they're a teen trying to buy a beer at the pub, or they're a hardass metal fan. Chavs don't go for it though.

Things that Annoy Me

2009-12-28T09:18:00.000-08:00

Those who have read this know that I can be pretty hateful. In real life, I'm not so bitter. I guess if I didn't have this, I'd be a really cynical person who can't express why he's angry and what he's exactly cynical about without going into some rambling, dithering monologue.

There are some things that make me angry that don't warrant an entire article dedicated to them, or I might have tried writing about them and given up after realising that there's not much to really say. Here are the things in life which annoy me:

1) Pornography

How hard can it be to make a film about two people having sex? You'd think not very, but the adult industry uses millions of dollars to create its films. The result? A bleach blonde woman with too much make-up making sexual noises sounding like Bugs Bunny while an headless male stooge thrusts endlessly.

I like porn, no mistake. At my age and my gender, how could I not? But I sometimes think when I watch: "Is that enjoyable for either person?" "Is she faking?" and "Dude, those boobs are so fake." Ultimately, porn is a double-edged sword. You get your sexy images impounded into your brain causing embarrassing erections at work or school and you also become afraid of women because you know that very few of them are actually like the actresses you see. You can't just walk into a room one minute and expect head in the next.

2) The price of CDs

For some reason, I think it's ridiculous to pay 10 pounds on an album. Sometimes, I have and have regretted it because the album will have come down in price a week later. As a result, I like to wait for albums to become cheaper before purchasing them. This usually takes months and by the time I have bought it, people are no longer interested in such and such a band and have moved onto something else. As an antidote to this, I've bought albums online or I've ignored current trends of music and purchased forgotten classics from yesteryear in charity shops.

In charity shops, you always see certain albums on the shelves. These are Blue is the Colour by The Beautiful South, Feeling Strangely Fine by Semisonic or anything by Del Amitri. There's nothing wrong with these albums, the problem is that times have changed and they've been pushed aside. Ironically, most of the albums you see for 10 pounds that have just been released in HMV will most likely end up as donations to a charity shop. It is at that moment I pounce.

3) The declining quality of comedy

While there are exceptions like TV Burp and Peep Show, the comedy on television is far from good. Shows like Gavin and Stacey and My Family somehow manage to tickle our funny bone, you feel there could be so much more. TV veterans seem to be suffering as well. Harry Enfield defined the 90s with his never-ending list of characters but has failed to do so this decade. A reliance on popular culture might have something to do with it. Doing a spoof of Dragon's Den may not be relevant in years to come.

In the 2000s, TV was saturated with sketch shows. Some relied on catch phrases (Little Britain), an endless number of writers (Mitchell and Webb, Armstrong and Miller) or comedians of the moment (Horne and Corden, The Kevin Bishop Show) to gain laughs. They were great when they were fresh and unique. The first series of Little Britain was genuinely funny. But then the rot set in when you had kids quoting on the school playground three years later. The whole idea of it seemed one-dimensional, the characters didn't really develop much. You knew what to expect when you watched it, the question was how would it happen. In some ways, this is similar to the synopsis of every Tom and Jerry cartoon.

4) The Frivolous Nature of 00s Music

We started the decade with a band called Coldplay. Then we moved on to the Strokes which progressed to Franz Ferdinand. Then we had an explosion of Arctic Monkeys. Along the way, a jewish singer named Amy Winehouse sang her heart out to people. The result of these acts getting popular was that bands similar to them made music as well. For every Coldplay, there'd be a Fray, Keane, Starsailor or Thirteen Senses waiting in the wings. The Strokes had a stream "The" bands tailing behind and Franz Ferdinand had Bloc Party (who grew out of the Scots' mould, thankfully). Amy Winehouse had Adele, Duffy and Candi Payne holding her train as well.

While sounding like the above isn't necessarily a bad thing, the amount of hyperbole bestowed on these acts was unbelievable. Sometimes a band was praised as "the next big thing" by journalists before they'd even released (let alone written) a song. So when it came to producing material, reviews sometimes weren't as joyous as the descriptions made out. For example, Johnny Borrell and his band, Razorlight became poster-boys for the NME. That was 2004. 4 years later, a review for Slipway Fires said Borrell was "weird, utterly hilarious and quite disturbing."

I could go on...but I'll save it for another time.

Agency Work - The Rant

2009-12-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

One day last year, I found myself strapped for cash during the holidays. I hadn't had a job since September owing to my move to Swansea for university (I'll rant about that job later). After pleading with my mother to lend me some, she grew tired and said I should sign up with an agency. No, not a modelling agency or talent agency but a one for recruitment. Since I had nothing better to do, I agreed.

It's been a year and I am still with the agency. I've worked at events at Ascot Racecourse, Wembley Stadium and others. While the venues sound glamourous, the work is not. Usually, it is for events and is quite menial and you don't have to think too much while doing it. The hours are long and the pay isn't strictly terrible, but it wouldn't hurt to get a pound more an hour.

After working for the agency, I have to come to expect various things from these events. I have a checklist of things I look out for. Firstly, you will be required to get up very early or you will finish very late. Occasionally, you may experience both. It's a strange feeling leaving for and from work when it's dark and not seeing daylight. After a few days, you don't really miss it.

Another thing to expect is that you will be very tired at the end of your shift. Even when you're waiting around for things to do, you feel drained. Most of the time, you're on your feet and there's nowhere to sit down. If there is, you will probably get told off by a manager who says that you need to look well-presented for the customers even though you are on a break and are in a place where the customers aren't likely to go to.

That's another thing, the managers. Sometimes you'll get nice ones who can both tell you what to do and help out when necessary. However, the rest of the time, you won't. They'll be people who ultimately don't give a shit and are put upon by people above them. They bark out illogical orders which have barked out to them. Everything has to be done in a certain and any suggestion of improvement will be ignored. The managers in question are usually around my age and reckon they're the dog's bollocks because they get to wear a shirt and tie as opposed to a uniform. Often, the managers aren't officially managers but "team leaders". This occupation seems to do nothing but make people think they're important than they are. They end up acting like Gareth from The Office. They might be foreign as well and speak in very broken English. This can be very stressful when they want you to do something. You can't understand them and they get angry that you're not doing what they ask.

It's not just managers or team leaders who get angry but chefs do as well. Understandably they work in a very stressful environment. Going into a kitchen whilst lunch is being cooked is like walking into a shopping centre in the Middle East.
In the past, I've worked at events where I am the only English person amongst Poles and Africans who don't have English as a first language. You have to give them credit though, they are in the thick of it by working in an agency. Customers lose their patience because the person behind the counter doesn't know what a "chicken and bacon panini" is. I'm just glad that I've been there to act as translator.

Customers losing their patience is one thing, but when they are incredibly rude for no reason, it's far worse. Generally, it's due to an honest mistake like typing something wrong into a till or something you can't control such as them having to wait in a queue. If the customer feels wronged, they'll let you know about it. At Ascot, the reaction will be a snide comment while at Wembley, the reaction will be a number of four-letter words. Following this, you'll feel like shit or you'll laugh at the ridiculous nature of the customer's complaint. The best thing is to do is not take it personally, unless they start insulting your mother, then you can raise hell.

Because the events are usually for one day, it is hard to build rapport with the people you're working with. You don't really get a chance to introduce yourself. You might have a badge with your name on, or someone might overhear your name when the manager's telling you off. Because it's for one day, you don't want to waste time in getting to know them just in case you never get to know them. You can't add them on Facebook in case it appears stalkerish. You also don't know their surname, so looking through a whole load of people called "Nicola", "Laura" or "Charlotte". I have actually made friends with people but that's either because we're with the same agency or the event was longer than a day.

On the plus side, I've earned a great deal of money through the agency work. I bought a new bass in September after getting £300 for working at Ascot, Goodwood and Wembley. So, despite not understanding why people like horse-racing, football and being a pain in the arse.

Christmas - The Rant

2009-12-25T13:19:00.000-08:00

At 10pm on Christmas Eve, I saw an advert on TV for Waitrose promoting their Christmas range. It made me think, why are they showing this advert now? Waitrose closed several hours ago and by the time it's open again (26th or 27th), it won't be Christmas anymore.

Once upon a time, Christmas was a special day in the calender of Ted. Getting presents from Father Christmas was the greatest feeling in the world. I loved the music, both religious and secular. TV seemed to be better as well, with more thought put into TV schedules. Generally, Christmas was fun for me until the age of thirteen.

After this, I realised that Christmas wasn't so good. It became another crappy reason to get up early. My mother always came in at 9 o'clock basically saying: "Happy Christmas...get up." So I do. Usually, I have to see relatives which is always interesting. They're the relatives you see once a year who would come to ours or we would go to theirs. Because we don't see them that much, it's strange seeing how much they've grown and how short I am in comparison, despite being older.

This year, like every other included a huge wishlist from the other side of the family. Because I was doing not much else, I was responsible for buying some of the presents. It was crazy how expensive their taste is. I had to buy a night-set from Topshop which was 18 pounds. 18 QUID! That's right, I spent that much on a vest and a pair of shorts. The only thing that separated this night-set from any other was the picture of a polar bear on the front. The cousin in question received this present and said thank you for it. This present was slightly trumped by the gift of an iTouch!

Christmas TV has gradually declined in quality. Weirdly enough, the repeats of 70s sitcoms are far funnier than the newer shows TV channels come up with. What would you rather, Gavin and Stacey's Christmas Special or the Christmas episode of Father Ted? I know what my choice would be. It's also funny how the same films get repeated. Fair enough, Home Alone, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and Love Actually (which I'm watching now) get shown, they have a Christmas theme. But why do we always have to put up with Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music and The Great Escape every 25th December. How are they festive in anyway? I wish I knew.

There is, of course, the Jesus element to Christmas. You'd never have thought of it however. The meaning seems to have been forgotten. In theory, the majority of people should be treating this day like any other.

Slough - The Rant

2009-12-22T16:36:00.001-08:00

Last week, I had to take a train to Swansea from Slough. Although the train was due to leave at 12pm or thereabouts, I was dropped off at 9am because that was when my mother left for work and I didn't fancy the idea of walking in (it was snowing quite heavily). I decided to kill time by going around the shops of Slough.

Officially, it had been a year since I'd been to Slough properly. University had restricted my ability to go there as the lack of enthusiasm to do so. I had been to the Tesco and train station during that year. I am uncertain of whether this counts. Nevertheless, things had certainly changed since I went there last.

For one, due to the Credit Crunch, a number of shops had closed down. Gone were The Works, Woolies, HMV and many others I fail to recall. Instead, there were shops selling knick-knacks like rugs and mirrors. The volume of these shops was amazing. Everywhere I looked, there was at least one facing me. And these places weren't just outside, they were inside shopping centres as well. This, I found most distressing.

"Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!"

Many people remember this as being the poem David Brent reads in an episode of The Office (which was filmed in Slough). While John Betjemin's idea of bombing Slough might be seen as being drastic, the sentiment of it being lifeless and urban is perceived as being true. Recently, a response was written by an 11 year-old school girl.

"Horrible bombs don't fall on Slough,
Because it's fit for humans now,
This town's much better, and how,
Old poem die a death!"

Granted, she's eleven and it's a hell of a lot better than I can do but I can't help disagree with the point made. While Slough is not exactly a shanty town, it's not exactly the greatest town to live in. The housing is overpriced and the area is renowned for crime. So yes, it is fit for humans, provided they have a lot of a money and suicidal tendencies. And also, just because the poem's old, doesn't mean it should die a death. Particularly when you think about how these old poems inspire newer ones. The example being how the old poem about Slough inspired the new one.

While I'm criticising Slough seemingly harshly, there are some good points. It's the only place you can get Island Jamaican Patties. I've had to spend 8 months a year unable to buy them in Wales, so it is a relief to come back during the holidays and have one.

"Would you like to eat your words with that humble pie?"

2009-12-20T12:04:00.000-08:00

Word of the day: Tigger costume
Song of the day: Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine

Tonight has seen one of the biggest successes in culture-jamming. Following my last blog, Rage Against The Machine have topped the chart and reached Christmas Number One. I can only apologise for my cynicism previously. My thoughts go out to Joe McElderry though. His pop career is probably go downhill now unless Butlins need someone to dress up in a costume, or a Catholic priest needs a new bumboy in his choir. However, Simon Cowell gets no sympathy. He's still got the number one slot in the album chart with Susan Boyle.

This probably means the end of the X Factor, as well as the bursting of the Reality TV bubble altogether. First, Pop Idol bit the dust, followed by Fame Academy (at least they wrote their songs), then Love Island (who watched that, I mean really?!) and finally, the mothership of Reality, Big Brother. What will the next trend be for television though? God only knows. Possibly just repeats of Friends.

What of Christmas Number Ones? Maybe artists will start creating songs marketed for the event instead of churning out non-festive covers? It'll make a change to hearing the old songs by the likes of Slade, Mud and Shakin' Stevens. Hell, I'm even tempted to persuade my band to write a Christmas song. Even if we don't make big, at least we'll be getting royalties and living off those till we're in our sixties.

Ever Present Adolescent

2009-12-15T16:17:00.000-08:00

The transition from school to university was intriguing. All of a sudden, this freedom came from nowhere. Parents couldn't stop you, teachers couldn't hold you back. The pressure from people at school didn't exist. In short, you were your own person. You could get tattoos and piercings done. You could even take drugs and think of the consequences. You could be straight or you could be gay. No-one would judge. In fact, being both made life twice as much fun.

But like the university prospectus, this turned out to be a lie. You couldn't let go yet. For one, you need parents to lend you money when you were short. They also had a working washing machine and provided you with food that you didn't need open with a tin opener or pierce the lid of with a knife. The reaction of getting a piercing or tattoo would be of shock so that was ruled out as well. There was also the stigma of sexuality. Get with the wrong person and you'd forever remembered as "that guy who got with that guy who got with that girl." Indeed, it would be a messy business.

Then there's the question of where do you get the tattoo and/or piercing? Would it hurt? Most probably! The plus side of piercings are that you can take them out if you don't like them, provided you get the right sort. Stretching your lobes with flesh tunnels is not a decision to be made lightly as they don't heal if you take them out. You're left with your ears being like that "Do your ears hang low" song on Barney the Dinosaur.

As for tattoos, apparently it's meant to have a personal meaning. So why people have random words in Japanese I'll never know.

RATM vs. Joe McElderry - The Battle For Christmas Number 1

2009-12-15T15:17:00.001-08:00

"...and the winner of The X Factor 2009 is..."

*UNNECESSARILY ELONGATED PAUSE*

*PAUSE PROLONGED*

*SHOULD PROBABLY GO FOR A PEE AT THIS POINT*

"Joe!"

Cue an audience of up to 20 million around the UK screaming for joy or frustration. The X Factor contestants are all aghast, making presumably rehearsed expressions. Strangely enough, no-one seems to be crying. Perhaps, they've seen how bad it looks after the competition is over and the winner is long-forgotten. The X Factor final was never going to be a underwhelming event. Indeed, it would be milked so dry that the letter "X" would lose all meaning. It seemed to be a frenzied circus with the 2 finalists singing like their lives depended on it.

Along with their performances and commercial breaks, various other stars came to perform, such as Leona Lewis, Alexandra Burke and JLS. Surprisingly, the show catered to those who didn't necessarily like Simon Cowell's musical output. Paul McCartney and George Michael appeared as well.

McCartney's appearance surprised me somewhat, not because I thought he was selling out but because he was quoted as saying: "the show is like a road accident – you don’t want to see it, but you do." As well as having the treat of seeing a man perform his own songs on the show, viewers got to see the finalists go on stage with the former Beatle. Their presence was unsettling since it was during "Drive My Car", a song they couldn't really contribute to in a constructive way. All they could do was mumble "Baby, you can drive my car" and shout "Beep beep" at the correct time.
As well as performing with finalist Joe, George Michael sang a Christmas song. No, not THAT Christmas song, a new one about watching TV and not doing very much at Christmas. Add a couple of joints and you have George Michael's present career. He didn't look so bedraggled as he did a year or so ago but you could see he had seen better days.

Despite all this, Paul McCartney is not the biggest hypocrite of them all. That honour has to go to Queen (well Brian and Roger, not the same without John and Freddie really). In 2008, they released a song, a terrible song, called C-lebrity about the woes of Reality TV. A year later, they're singing the praises of the likes of Jamie Afro, Stacey Solomon and Jedward. Not only that, they allowed the finalists to butcher Bohemian Rhapsody. I can't help but wonder how they keep Freddie Mercury's grave from turning.

This year, the winner's song is "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. Unsurprisingly, it sounds no different to the other winner's songs. It's slow-paced, there's a key change and it's all very mushy. At present, I've not seen the video but I can already tell you what it will look like. It will consist of the winner dressed in black in a studio which also draped in black. There might be a screen with lights or playing a video of a mountain. Who knows, there might even be candles. There will also be footage from the show with the winner singing in front of judges at the start and ending with the version of the song performed on the final. In fact, the only thing more predictable than this video is an episode of Hannah Montana.

It's been 5 years since the first X Factor was shown. That means that it's been five since we had a Christmas number 1 by someone who wasn't singing on some reality show. Jeff Buckley, Rick Astley, Nizlopi, Take That and Katie Melua have all tried to have a pop at the champs in vain. It's distressing, but not as distressing as The Darkness being beaten by a depressing R.E.M. soundalike who no-one's heard of since back in 2003. So I was glad to see a campaign on Facebook trying to get Rage Against The Machine to Christmas Number 1 this year. After the disaster of Rick Rolling the Christmas Number 1 last year, it's good to see that this poses an actual fret to Mr. Cowell's empire.

Reading Simon Cowell's opinion on the subject is quite amusing. He staunchly believes that the campaign is a personal attack against him and that Joe will be Christmas Number 1. "It's miserable to put down young talent. We should celebrate it. I am! I’ve had a glass of champagne or two." It makes you think, is there such a thing as being too successful? If there is, does Simon Cowell not get sick of it? "Oh no, I've got ANOTHER Christmas Number One! What now?" Surely there has to be a point where either everyone wins The X Factor or they run out of covers to do. I assume the latter will happen first.

Will it work though? Cynics will say no. 13 year olds will say no. Old people won't give a shit and my friend, Jon, doesn't even know an X Factor is (so he claims). Personally, I'm unaffected. I don't see why I have to fork out over 2 pounds to download a song that will probably only reach No. 56. However, Woolies has closed down so people might have to go elsewhere to buy the single. This issue might affect technophobes who are too scared to download in case of viruses and pornography.

Another reason why I don't want to download Killing In The Name, there won't be the triumph of seeing it on Top of the Pops!

LVS - The Rant

2009-12-01T13:58:00.000-08:00

Word of the day: Cheese and crackers
Song of the day: Mars Bars - The Undertones

In the past, I've been very bored and subsequently done quizzes on Facebook. One question I recently answered was "What is your biggest regret?" Because I couldn't be bothered to work out exactly the things in my life which I wished I hadn't done, I put down "LVS". After doing this, I realised that the things I have regretted in my life are somewhat connected to this institution.

Firstly, I need to explain what LVS is. According to the website, it's an "independent, non-selective, co-educational school for children aged 4 to 18". In plain English, that means it's a run-of-the-mill private school which pretty much anyone can go to provided they have the right amount of money or connections. Thankfully, I was only there for 5 years rather than 14. There's plenty more bullshit phrases on the website to feast upon. Particular favourites include: "Pastoral care is a priority" and "we are an inclusive school embracing all faiths and none".

But why all this hatred, I hear you ask. Well, it all started in 2003. I'd left my old school having passed Common Entrance exams that, looking back, were about as vital as SATS, particularly as I didn't even need to do exams to get into that school. I was 13 years old and waiting for a school bus for the first time ever. When the bus arrived, I was surprised to see a sophisticated double-decked vehicle. Seeing kids swearing on the top deck was slightly detrimental to the bus's classiness however.Things didn't really improve. I made an unintentional faux-pas or two. By the end of the day, my path was set in stone. I'd be the short kid who tried to be funny and talked about sex all the time. How things have changed!

One thing that got me about the school was its boarding community. The majority of people were sons and daughters of servicemen. The sons were convinced that they were superior to everyone and as a result were quite unpleasant. There was a mafia-style mentality that was both intimidating and childish in one. The money spent on their education probably could have been put towards more parts for their cars. Anyone who questioned them, their sense of humour or anything else they did put themselves at risk. It wasn't just the boarding community that was like this though. It was the cool day-pupil kids as well throwing their weight around. They were unnecessarily cruel to anyone who wasn't them like they didn't meet their imaginary criteria.

The staff's reaction to this left a lot to be desired. They had either given up trying or just didn't give a shit. This latter reaction and the fear of being known as a grass meant you couldn't say anything. I remember there were posters about bullying put around the school saying "Tell someone" and "Just Say No". It made me laugh to think that if people did actually report all the cases of bullying, there'd be no school left. That's not to say that the school didn't care at all, they were concerned when people walked on the grass or didn't sing to the hymns at assemblies.

GCSEs were a hard time. Work seemed to overwhelm me and I was lucky enough to be in a relationship. My mother was also ill. Juggling all three things was difficult but I managed. I didn't fail GCSEs, my mum didn't die but I did break with my girlfriend for a stupid reason. Of course, it wasn't all bad. I was lucky enough to friends to get me through. I also discovered music in 2004 which was another form of comfort. The problem was that they all left to go to college at the end of Year 11.

Although some people stayed on, I felt pretty much on my own for Sixth Form. Something seemed to happen over the summer, other than the change from being called students instead of pupils. Friends in Year 11 later became bitter enemies in Years 12 and 13. It was worse with some of the girls because they seemed to fall out and reconcile on a weekly basis. It didn't help that their sex drives seemed to rise during then. Meanwhile I fell out with my friend over a woman because I thought she would mess him about. Eventually she did, she cheated on him with someone else. We've not spoken properly in two years and counting.

Recently, I got invited to an old school reunion. I declined. I think 2 years is a bit too early to see those people. I'd give it another 10 years so any sign of the bad blood might disappear.

PE - The Rant

2009-11-30T13:01:00.001-08:00

Word of the day: Train Tickets Home
Song of the day: Tomorrow is Today - Billy Joel

Today, I was typing words aimlessly in the search bar of Facebook. Somehow, I ended up typing the name of an old PE teacher and I was surprised to find that she had a Facebook page. I was also surprised to discover how she really was. I looked up another and surprisingly he had a page as well. I looked up other teachers and saw they had it too. It's strange that teachers/adults/anyone who isn't at university use Facebook since it seems like a fad. With all the quizzes and Farmville crap, you'd expect such a social networking site to confuse the hell out of people. Of course, I digress. Facebook is a great tool for meeting people/keeping in touch/stalking girls. It's more personal than MySpace. You see who the person actually is and their profile is not cluttered up with html coding and illegibly-coloured fonts.

When I was 10, I started at a new school. This was a private school so it was quite different to what I'd experienced before. One major difference was the emphasis on sport. At my old school, there was an after-school football club I played on despite not having much talent and ambition. Nevertheless, it was fun and it killed time. Private school changed my perception of it completely. On my first day, I was exposed to two straight hours of rugby, unadjusted to the weather conditions and having never played it before. Halfway through I sat on a crash pad and froze.

To this day, I still don't know the rules of Rugby. It's something that has to be instilled in you at an early age or not at all. You also have to have a passion for it. I did not have this but I don't think I missed much. I was more the artsy, music type. As it was before I'd discovered rock music, I was stuck with playing the clarinet, the violin and singing choral music. While this wasn't ideal, it was better than Games. Sadly, the PE teachers never shared my enthusiasm for things which weren't their subject. Looking back, I keep thinking they were more demanding as a result, as if making run round football pitches and partake in scrums would somehow awaken me to their way of thinking. If you were good at sport, they seemed to treat you like a god. My brother was goalkeeper on the First XI team so it probably came as a shock to them that I wouldn't be following in his footsteps.
Their insistence on calling me by my last name didn't help much either. As far as I was concerned it was "Edward" or nothing (I changed my name to Ted at 13). My logic was that "Robinson" would be a bit of a mouthful. However, that didn't seem to phase the teachers and they kept doing it.

There was a slight inequality in Games when I was at private school. While the boys slaved away with cricket, rugby and football, the girls had netball and rounders. They might as well have stayed indoors doing needlework, there would have been more movement that way. One day in the summer, the PE teacher would take the girls to the field and they'd have a picnic and play with frisbees and parachutes. This was one of many cases of sexism I noticed while I attended that school. I'll save others for a later date.

With both sides refusing to relent on the issue of games, I continued my hatred of it. Eventually, I turned 13 and left that school. I went to a bigger one and hoped things would be different. In some respects they were, the school linked the attitudes of private school with the intelligence of state schools since the school was non-selective and it seems that if you had enough money, anyone could get in. There was less emphasis on PE mercifully. Instead of 3 afternoons' worth, we had only 2 hours a week of it. About half an hour of each lesson was spent getting changed into kit so all in all, I had an hour a week of PE.

The teachers were still as anal as ever though. I remember once getting a detention for not wearing socks for PE. Although it was 4 years ago, I still hold a grudge. I found it ridiculous that something so trivial was a punishable offence. It didn't help the already strained relations between me and exercise and I carried on my downward spiral into obesity. It's funny how the teachers were so uptight about looking presentable but you'd always see them wearing t-shirts and shorts whatever the weather, whatever the occasion. They'd also try to prove their worth by giving talks on sex education or do assemblies on "respect". Some of the teachers didn't look like teachers at all in retrospect. I always wondered what the school's requirement for PE teachers was. Maybe there was an advert: "School Requires PE Teacher, Must Be Down With The Kids (Metaphorically and Literally)". It was ridiculous. If it weren't for my lack of enthusiasm, I bet I could have been a PE teacher too.

At GCSEs, things got interesting. While PE was still compulsory, we got to venture out of school to pursue our neverending fight against flab. We were allowed to wear different clothes for PE as well. Gone were the white t-shirt and shorts combo, instead we could wear t-shirts and tracksuit bottoms. After I left the school however, the rules were changed and apparently they now have to wear a uniform. We went to places like Windsor gym and John Nike Centre.

While these places had all the equipment for exercise, there would always been vending machines selling sweets and chocolate close by. So any calories burned off on the treadmill would probably be gained by having a Mars bar as a treat afterwards (particularly if said Mars bar was battered). Regardless of this luxury, I still got penalised for the smallest things. I missed a PE lesson to work on my music tech coursework. I was recording my friend who was only around at time. Shortly after, I was slapped with a detention with some lecture about how PE is important to let off steam (looking at porn does the same job thank you very much!). I tried to argue and explain how I wanted to do Music Tech at university to no avail.

It's been over a year since I've had to do sport. I'm not missing it. My exercise consists of masturbating and walking. My diet and other habits probably don't help particularly help matters. Recently, I discovered my friends now do Netball. I can't see why they'd choose to do it after being forced to for so long.

Judee Sill - Heart Food

2009-11-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

Judee Sill was a singer-songwriter from the 1970s who crafted beautiful harmonious acoustic music which had Christian sentiments. She was rebellious in nature, something caused by deaths in her family and her mother's marriage to Tom and Jerry animator, Ken Muse. During her teens, she turned to crime and drugs and was subsequently jailed. During this time in jail, she discovered her musical talent and started writing songs. Sill first started out as a songwriter who created hits for bands like The Turtles and The Hollies. She was one of the first signings to David Geffen's label, Asylum Records which would later be home to The Eagles, Joni Mitchell and Tom Waits. Due to lack of commercial success, she was dropped from the label and disappeared off the musical radar. She died impoverished in 1979 from a cocaine overdose.

Judee Sill is not a well-known name. Is this a good thing? For the few fans that are, I'd say yes because there's no chance of her songs being used to express obvious emotions on television shows and movies. Meanwhile, this lack of exposure means people who are similar to her musically get praised by critics and the public as being "original". Indie darling, Laura Marling is one such singer. Young teenagers will love her because she's so "fresh" but will not look further and investigate her roots and the cause of her "freshness".

Her second album consists of acoustic fingerpicking, choir-like vocals and piano. This organic production works with the lyrical matter and sounds like something that you would hear in a church. What makes it different from Contemporary Christian Music is that the meaning to the lyrics is not so overt. In other words, you don't have a proverbial Bible rammed in your face when you listen.

The songs work separately from a religious context like "The Kiss", which is pure and beautiful. Its orchestral flourishes are subtle and non-intrusive. Interestingly, these were composed by Sill herself and she does a great job considering her lack of professional training. The heaviest song on the record is "Soldier of the Heart". I say heaviest, I mean that it's the only song on the record which has drums, which are played by Jim Gordon, a fine session musician who was also part of Derek and the Dominos. The lyrics are obviously about God but could refer to a man sweeping a girl off her feet. The album ends with "The Donor" which has a coda of "Kyrie Eleison" (God, have mercy). This plays like a more hypnotic version of the "na na nas" in Hey Jude and the choral arrangements are intricate and engaging.

Judee Sill has been described as the female Nick Drake. This is a fair comment since the music by both artists is similar and they were both not well renowned in their time. The difference between the two (apart from gender and nationality) is that Sill's lyrics dealt with religious themes in an airy-fairy way while Drake was airy-fairy full stop. While Nick Drake found fame amongst later generations, Judee Sill has not. Considering the material she had, this truly is shameful...

Elton John - Rock of the Westies

2009-11-22T15:33:00.001-08:00

In 1975, Elton John reached the peak of his career. This is not it. That honour has to go to Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy. Six months after this, he released Rock of the Westies. This album is more rocking than Captain Fantastic, which may to do with the change of personnel. Gone are Dee Murray and Nigel Olsson on bass and drums respectively and we have Kenny Passarelli and Roger Pope instead. Caleb Quaye is also brought in again to play guitar (he played on the first few records) with Davey Johnstone. Ray Cooper's still playing percussion as well. This line-up change frustrated me. I wondered why Elton had done it. Dee and Nigel were the band that he had been with since 1970. They were amazing (albeit underrated) players. The old adage "if it ain't broke it, don't fix it" applies here.

Anyway, I got over it and sat down to listen. The first song is one of the longest, a medley like the last track on Empty Sky. Because of it being a medley, it seems unfocused. It's also surprising to those expecting Captain Fantastic II. Then we have Dan Dare, a ode to the comic book character of the same name. It's quite experimental, not unlike 10cc, with its use of vocoders and harmonies. Originally, Elton wanted this to be released from the album because it had more potential as a single. This may not be strictly true. Dan Dare is a British institution and the lyrics of the song might not have made sense to America. However, I Feel Like A Bullet In the Gun of Robert Ford was released both in Britain and America. Few Brits know who Robert Ford (killer of Jesse James) so unsurprisingly, it failed to chart in the UK. So you can see where the priorities of Elton's management were. Anyway, Island Girl was the first single released from the album.

Bernie Taupin's lyrics can be quite naive. This means they can be very sensitive or misogynist. I recently saw an example of the latter, Island Girl in a list of "Most Clueless Songs About Prostitutes" and it's obvious as to why. The second verse describes the titular Island Girl as being as "black as coal" and "wrapping herself around you like a well-worn tyre". It'd take a couple of listens to notice this because of the melodic hooks in the song but it's a shock to hear. "Grow Some Funk of Your Own" is another sexist ditty where the singer is trying to hit on a girl whose boyfriend tells him where to go. When I saw the title, I did think it was about marijuana but clearly, this is not the case. It's quite a lightweight song which you feel lacks the energy of songs like Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting.

Then we have the soul-bearing ballad "I Feel Like The Bullet In The Gun Of Robert Ford". Despite the gut-wrenching lyrics (If looks could kill, then I'd be a dead man), it's an annoyance that you need a book to understand the context of the chorus. Although Nigel Olsson is not in the song, you'd think he was with the drums in that song.

Street Kids is another rocker which falls flat. The hooks aren't what they could be and at 6:25, it's far too long. It's a cross between Layla (the guitar riff) and Amy from Honky Chateau (the vocal line on "Just another street kid"). Hard Luck Story was originally written for Kiki Dee. The song is one of many which have a message of "woe-is-me". The chorus "All you hear are hard luck stories, And the ways I look at life, And the way I think the world treats me, And the way I treat my wife" shows this the most and makes you question what Bernie did to his wife, Maxine.

This album showed signs of fatigue throughout. One has to consider that between 1969 and 1975, Elton John had released 12 albums, ten studio albums, a live album and a soundtrack. The melodies and lyrics aren't what they could be. The exception to this and therefore highlight of the album is Don't Go Breaking My Heart because it's so camp and carefree, at a time when Elton was still having to act straight or bisexual. This wasn't even part of the album originally but a single released around the same time which hit number 1 in the charts. On the whole, we're dealing with a tired Elton who kept going at it musically when he didn't really need to.

Natwest - The Rant

2009-11-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

Word of the Day - Burgers on pizza
Song of the Day - Brass in Pocket - The Pretenders

A year ago, I heard about how everything was being affected by the Credit Crunch. Businesses like Woolworths, Officers' Club and The Jeremy Kyle Show bit the dust and people were finding it hard to get jobs. At the time, I laughed at the idea of being affected myself. I was a student, the best time to be one I'd say. While banks were taking money away from people, I was being given it on a plate (I am aware you have pay it back before you ask). However, the Crunch got me too (possibly). Let me explain why...

For seven years, I had a Solo card. I felt so cool at the time, being able to pay for things with a card instead of having to fumble around my pockets for change. However, some places like Boots and WHSmith's didn't take my card. This meant I had to look elsewhere for cheap stationary and a 2.50 meal deal (remember those?). My holidays were made up of me going with my best friend to Windsor, Slough or Staines and buying CDs and then going to the cinema. Life couldn't get any better really. It was before I knew what girls were so you could say my life was sheltered.

Unfortunately, the time came when I had to give up my Solo card because I was "too old" for it. To me, that's like you're saying too old for sweets - utter rubbish. Natwest sent a letter saying they would change it "within 30 days." 30 days eventually became 365 and the fact I was too old to have a Solo account was all but forgotten...until...

I went to the Windsor branch of Natwest in August to pay in a cheque. I made this sort of thing an event because when I wasn't working at events at Ascot, Windsor, Wembley etc., I was bored to tears at home. I handed my card into the lady behind the glass and she asked how old I was. When I told her, she suggested I change my account from Solo to Advantage Gold. I didn't know what an Advantage Gold account was, and I agreed to it. If only I knew what I'd let myself in for.

I was sat down in a room with a man named Ash, who I'd met before when I opened a student account last year. He seemed nice enough but he weirdly reminded me of my old Music Tech teacher. For those who know me, that's not a good thing to be reminded of. He talked about footballers' wives and how they get privileges with their accounts which lead to him explaining what the account was all about. With this account, I'd be entitled to phone, car, and travel insurance with the account. What a great offer, you might think. The snag is that I'd have to pay £12.95 a month for the account. I also have a shitty pay-as-you-go phone that would cost more to insure than it did to buy. I don't drive and I wasn't going abroad any time soon.

It was probably my fault for not paying attention, or maybe the man heavily promoted the benefits so much that he neglected to emphasise that I would have to pay such and such an amount. Nevertheless, I managed to think that getting the account would be a good idea and I signed the forms. Not long after, I called my mum to tell her that I'd changed the account. She was furious. She made me turn round and go back and change the account again. I came back and explained the situation and the man, Ash, assured me it would be changed.

However, last week, I was at the Natwest in Swansea trying to sort out an overdraft for my student account. I peered over the lady's desk and saw that I still had the Advantage Gold account. I enquired about it and I saw that 60 pounds had been taken out from the account over the last 3 or 4 months. The lady did as much as she could and admirably put up with an irate mother down the phone. She sent a complaint about the account and I hoped that there would be an end to it and I would get my money back.

My troubles were not over though. I found that another 40 pounds had been taken out of my account today. One thing that I find ridiculous about it is that I don't have an overdraft but Natwest are perfectly happy to take money which I don't have out of my account for "privileges" I don't need or want. If I didn't have a railcard, I'd consider closing my Natwest accounts altogether.While I've not necessarily been fucked over by the Credit Crunch, I have a hatred of banks right now. I'm tempted to be like that guy in Jesus' Parable of the Talents who buried his money in the ground instead putting in the bank, earning interest. If that happened today, the master wouldn't have sent him away, he probably would have thanked him for not letting the banks get their hands on it.

(Obviously not from my account but I'm in the same boat as this person.)

Conceptual Art - The Rant

2009-11-12T08:00:00.001-08:00

Word of the day: Cold
Song of the day: Low C - Supergrass

Who remembers art in Year 2? When all you had to do was look through books of paintings and try to recreate the picture in the book as best as you could. And remember the trips you would take to gardens and galleries in a bid to open your mind to the never-ending possibilities that art could lead to. It was a simple time when you took things you saw at face value, without questioning why the artist did the painting or what he was thinking in doing it. Even abstract art was appealing because you could draw shapes and not delve into the meaning of them too much.

Like all things, this naivete disappears. GCSEs come along and you realise that art is a serious subject and failing it means that you have one less grade on your CV. You don't want to spend too long in doing art though because you've chosen to do double Science and English and Maths and many other academic subjects. So what do you do? You took a copy of the Beano and copy one of the squares in the comic and then claim that your artwork is inspired by pop artists like Andy Warhol and Roy Lichtenstein despite you not knowing any artworks outside of "Whaam!" or that picture of Marilyn Monroe you saw on a poster in a shop. Subsquently you get a C grade and discover that GCSEs weren't that big a deal and then proceed to do every form of Maths, Science, English and a language you'll never use again at A Level.

While I was in Turin, the owner of the hostel informed me of a gallery that was close by which would be open and free-of-charge on Thursday night. In broken Italian, I thanked him and agreed that I would go. After all, I wasn't doing anything else that night and I didn't want to be the only drunk in my group just yet. It turned out that the gallery was just opposite the hostel, a large impressive building with a neon sign that made Japanese letters. Whether it was an artwork or had significant meaning, I could not say.

I went in and the first thing I saw was a giant mole hanging upright from the ceiling. It was a startling sight since I had been expecting paintings on the walls. I was relieved to discover that there were paintings on the walls. One of these was a rainbow that had which rubbish and debris added to it. I looked at the description next to the painting and saw that it was a view of consumerism, the garbage representing the waste that we leave behind. The description also said that the artist used spit, blood and urine to paint the canvas. I backed away immediately.

Other exhibits were more disturbing. One artist from Israel had filmed herself playing with a hula-hoop naked. The hula-hoop in question was made of barbed wire and you could see it cutting against her skin as she spun it round. The meaning behind the video was important since it related to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict but I couldn't help but think that a painting would have got the point across just as well. There was a video of mentally handicapped patients starting for a hour straight into a camera lens as if you were having a virtual staring contest. The point was important once again but it seemed too much effort had been put in to make it.

Meanwhile, the rest of the exhibits were just plain stupid. In the middle of one room was a pile of black confetti and a video of moving traffic at a harbour. There was also a truck with blankets in another. I saw inflatable toys assembled out of mental by Jeff Koons, the only name I recognised. There was a description about the piece saying it represented childhood (don't quote me on that). I looked up Mr Koons on Wikipedia and he is quoted as saying that his works having "no hidden meaning." What's the point in providing an explanation then if the meaning is allegedly obvious?

One exhibit choked me up though. "You Look At Me, I Look At Water" was a photo taken by Boris Mikhailov (thank you Google) of a homeless person eating berries that had fallen from a tree. There was another photo of the berries that had fallen on the ground. The point was clear and the effort was not overblown or pretentious in the slightest. Looking at other photos from this work, the meaning is slightly more obscure but that photo alone probably redeems it.

Ranting about contemporary art probably makes me look like an ignorant prick but in this instance to rephrase John Stuart Mill, I'd rather be a satisfied pig than a dissatisfied Socrates. As my friend put it, anyone could have a pile of shit, include a backstory and claim it was art. Such a thing was done by Italian artist Pierzo Manzoni although this was meant to be ironic, a take on the waste generated by consumerism and the art market. Despite this irony, people have forked out a great deal of money for, literally speaking, this artist's shit.

All artforms have developed from somewhere. A logical pattern can be seen within the art and its history and future. For music, the roots of rock music can be found within the blues sung by musicians such as Robert Johnson and Son House. Animation had primitive beginnings with movement shown in stop motion, horses, Gertie The Dinosaur and Mickey Mouse until computers widened its possibilites. Video games (not strictly an artform) were made of bits which over time became greater and greater.

The exception here is Contemporary Art. It started in 1917 with a guy called Marcel Duchamp who wanted to kick against the pricks and make something not considered art into art. So he turned a urinal upside down and signed it "R. Mutt" (a play on the German word for Poverty). Like all conceptual art, it caused controversy and paved the way for people to do the same thing with objects but with a more sincere approach.

For the most part, conceptual art is about objecting to the way life is now, positioning objects in a bid to get the point across. If only the people who made this art actually did something constructive against the strife they feel within the modern world. Very rarely will you get a positive message conveyed in this artform. The only exception I can think of is Yoko Ono who once had a ladder leading up to a message written on the ceiling which needed a magnifying glass to read. The message? "Yes."

Turin - Thoughts, Reflections and Observations

2009-11-09T15:47:00.001-08:00

Word of the day: Didgeridoo
Song of the day: Boys - Ryan Adams

Over the weekend (starting on Wednesday and finishing on Sunday), I went to Turin in Italy. The main goal of the trip was to go to a conference, learn things and hand CVs to people. This sounded great on paper but the conference was really meant for students doing animation so we were really just there to go on a holiday for 150 pounds. That's not to say we wasted our time on the trip. We did go to a conference with "the most famous composer of animated film" and Oscar nominee, Michael Giacchino, who talked about how he gets ideas for writing music to film and urging us to "tell the story". It was quite interesting but did it apply to what I want to do after uni? Not really. I wouldn't have the patience to write scores and like most movie-goers, I take the music for granted.

I discovered a lot about Italy when I went there. One thing I saw was that the price of alcohol and cigarettes is far lower than in England. I bought a packet of cigarettes and lighter (for a friend) that cost 4 or 5 Euros. That doesn't seem impressive BUT the cigarettes came in a tin rather than a cardboard box. They were also quite strong. I bought some vodka for 5 Euros from the supermarket and some wine in a carton for 89 cents. While the wine was disgusting, it's still nice to show off how much of a cheapstake I can be.

I noticed that the Italians love their motorscooters. I have never seen so many of them in my life. And why not? They're more environmentally friendly than cars and the streets allow them to pass through with ease. Problem is that they look incredibly gay. Like someone has built a motorbike and put a shell suit on it. Stalls were all around the streets of Turin selling all kinds of crap like sunglasses, necklaces and hats. The sellers tried to make us buy some of the things they were selling several times making by reducing from 5 Euros to 3 Euros. They would say that this reduction was "just for us" but what made us any different from any other tourist?

While in Turin, we tried the cuisine. This cuisine consisted of pizza, pizza and more pizza. Anything else was incredibly overpriced and not very nice. There was an ongoing joke with my friends about me getting a pizza montebianco which was pretty much garlic bread. This was the cheapest thing on the menu and probably the most filling. Since we waited until quite late until we had a meal, I was always eating breadsticks and bread to fill myself up. Amazingly, I had room for it all.

So I was there for four days. I enjoyed it very much having met a lot of interesting people and effectively gone on a very cheap holiday. Now I only have 95 pounds to live off!

Billy Joel - Glass Houses

2009-11-08T17:23:00.000-08:00

The late 70s and early 80s was an interesting time for music. Soft rock and disco tracks were popular in the charts and sold shedloads. The problem was that the music in question sounded horribly dated and sentimental and did not appeal to teenagers. In short, the music scene was stagnant and the artists in it appeared to be old-fashioned and generally uncool. It was no wonder really that people started to look to punk as a form of escape from the dross being produced.

Artists reacted differently to this lack of popularity. Some bands carried on with the same tripe they were making. So it's no surprise that they crashed and burned out. Meanwhile, others fought back. David Bowie did this through reinvention, changing from glam rock icon into soul man and then the Thin White Duke and the Berlin Trilogy. Meanwhile, Elton John made the mistake of releasing a song called "Ego" just as punk was making an appearance having taken a year out to retire. Ultimately, artists became indulgent with their work and their overt exactness made the records lack freshness.

Billy Joel fought back against the change in scene on his 1980 album, Glass Houses. He did this by creating something that was worlds apart from what he had been making previously. Gone is the soothing piano. Enter instead, crunching powerchords and wild keyboard effects. Two tracks recall this earlier period, "C'etait Toi" and "Don't Ask Why" but these use acoustic guitar as the main instrument and organs as well. Both the tracks are sonically reminiscent of Paul Simon covering "Daniel" by Elton John.

Paul Simon isn't the artist that Joel is indebted to on Glass Houses. One can hear Paul McCartney's influence on "C'Etait Toi", Joel's re-write of "Michelle" and "Through The Long Night", something that wouldn't sound out of place on Ram. "Close To The Borderline" and "You May Be Right" snarls and growls with Mick Jagger's spirit being within a piano-playing midget from New York. Overall, the main influence are the punk and new wave acts that were stealing the throne from Billy Joel and the old vanguard. He addresses this on "It's Still Rock 'n' Roll To Me" saying that whatever's being worn on stage and how it's being performed, it's all the same rock 'n' roll shit.

Billy Joel gets a lot of flack from critics. It is often said that he is a poor man's Elton John and his songwriting is too derivative of Paul McCartney's and lacks fluidity in its lyrics. When Glass Houses came out, some were not impressed with it saying the move from MOR to New Wave was "unconvincing". Listening to it now, it sounded much more refreshing than how other artists dealt with the backlash against their music.

Teenage Pregnancies - Thoughts

2009-11-02T10:56:00.001-08:00

Word of the day: Girlfriend
Song of the day: There Is No Greater Love - Amy Winehouse

A little while ago, I was in contact with a girl who I used to go to primary school with. We talked about how our lives had changed over the last ten years. She's now studying to be a hairdresser and is also engaged. I also asked about other people I used to go to school with. I hadn't seen them in a long time and in a way, I feel bad for not keeping in touch. I found out that several of them had had children already. I restrained myself from saying "What the hell were they thinking?" and simply said "lol" (we were talking over msn). I also discovered that one of my old schoolmates had been in the local paper with news of the birth of her baby.

Since the existence of the chat show, teenage pregnancies don't seem to phase people. Some people may scoff at the stereotype of a "pramface" pushing kids of every colour in their buggy while drinking alcopops and smoking dodgy fags. I admit that I think this and that it's not right. These are real people who require help in every possible way, whether it is financial support or education on how to look after the baby.

And that's partly the issue, education. I first officially learnt about sex when I was 11/12. Of course, I did know about it before through the magic of the internet, FHM, Adrian Mole and my peers but this was the hearsay you get about how you can get pregnant through sitting on a toilet or by kissing for a long period of time. I suppose I could have found sooner by asking my mother about it. The problem with that is that it's disturbing. You're left with mental images of how you were conceived and how it would be unwise to sit on the sofa or at the dining table or on your parents' bed.

Does that mean that you should be taught it in school? Well, yes and no. It depends on who talks about it and how they present it. In the past, I've noticed it's always the PE teachers who discuss it (I suppose they need to justify not wearing a shirt and tie somehow). Usually, PE teachers are always getting it because they're more athletic, fitter and/or attractive than Mr. Wilson in the English block. This may come across in their presentation through them explaining past experiences or their far-too-superior knowledge in a certain topic. The floor may be open to the student but in the past, there's always immature people in the class so asking questions might be ill-advised unless you want to be ridiculed.

Recently, I saw a documentary on teenage pregnancy. This wasn't the series on BBC Three, "Underage and Pregnant" but a different one on BBC 2. Unlike the BBC Three series, which I found to be too cutesy, the documentary on BBC 2 really opened my eyes. However, I did watch it for the first time at my friend's house in Brighton where we were ridiculing the appearance of the mothers (one lacked teeth and the other had terrible stretchmarks). After getting over the humour of that, I sat down and watched again on iPlayer. It was strange seeing one of the girls at the beginning criticising her friend for being careless, only to get pregnant herself by the end. The documentary was gritty and thought-provoking. It either acted as a warning or a form of encouragement to people, in the same way I really wanted a burger after seeing Super Size Me.

The girls on the show were a rough area in Manchester and didn't really bother with school. From an outside view, people might have thought that getting pregnant would be the best reason to skive it. They didn't exactly paint a pretty picture for teenage mothers. They were seen regularly smoking or drinking in public. The girls were also quite narrow-minded, blaming ethnic minorities for the lack of jobs etc. The irony is that these minorities are helping to pay for the benefit that the mothers would receive through taxes.

I can't help but wonder sometimes how people get pregnant (obviously I know HOW) but how they come to be. Teenagers tend to experiment around this time which is fine, at least they're actually getting some, the bastards. As long as they are given warnings beforehand and get told what will happen, it's fine. But they need to learn these things at some point. Sometimes it's carelessness courtesy of drink and/or drugs which seem to be easy for young people to get if they look old enough or have a generous brother/sister/paedophile friend. In the heat of the moment, asking if you have a condom might kill it so sometimes people don't ask. It's said that not using a condom gives a different sensation. I can't say I've personally felt a difference.

But in this society, it is easier to remove/terminate/abort/murder (delete as appropriate) fetuses so you're left wondering why so many young people choose to keep their babies. For some, it's a matter of religion. They fear they will be sent to hell for killing innocent babies. I won't bore you with my arguments for/against abortion but basically, I'm "pro-choice". For others, they don't want to go through the whole abortion process because, understandably, it's an unpleasant experience (believe me, I've seen that scene in Alfie). Abortion isn't the be all and end all though. One can easily get contraceptive pills on the NHS and a range of contraceptives, like condoms, from clinics and hospitals. So really, people have no excuse for not putting "something on the end of it."

But who is responsible for the contraception? Is it the guy with a condom? Or the girl with a the coil or pill etc. Since it'll no doubt only be the woman bringing up his child, I'd say it's up to the guy to wear a rubber johnny.

Melodrama, you've got to love it

2009-10-31T16:14:00.000-07:00

Word of the day: Halloween gig
Song of the day: MF from Hell - The Datsuns

Today I received a text message. I didn't receive it on my phone however, my friend received it and was under strict instructions that I see it. I have to announce that my phone number has been deleted from someone's phone. I was in tears when I discovered the news. I was heartbroken and speechless. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know whether PVA, Pritt Stick or Superglue would be appropriate for putting it back together again. I saw this to be the end of everything and my life was being cut out...

However, I looked on Facebook and I saw that we were still friends. As I'm typing this, the person has appeared on my msn as having signed in. We haven't made any contact using these platforms and I've not called or texted that number for a year. My friend actually called using my phone once but that doesn't particularly count. So maybe I'm not as cut out as I once thought. Maybe this is one of those situations where the action seemed more shocking and dramatic on paper (or in text). Either way, I'm heartbroken and speechless and heartbroken.

Friends - The Rant

2009-10-27T16:19:00.000-07:00

Before I start, I'd like to start 2 new features which I'd like to keep up on a regular basis.

Word of the day: Electro-acoustic

Song of the day: In the Waiting Line - Zero 7

These are things I've been meaning to do for a while. Word of the day is just something I'd use to sum up my day. It can be something that I've noticed during the day or something that highlights it. I've used "electro-acoustic" because I bought an electro-acoustic guitar today, something I've been meaning to buy following use of one for a gig I did yesterday (impulsive, ain't I?).

Song of the day relates to a song that has been stuck in my head all day. It was a choice between This Year's Love by David Gray, Love Pollution by Feeder or the song mentioned above. Finding one song was hard this time, but in the future, I might not have a song in my head at all. Particularly when I'm writing my blog after having a few drinks...

I was struggling to find something to talk about this time. I tried writing a review of the last Peep Show episode but I figured I should branch out. I've made my points clear about Series 6 in my previous entries. Basically, Peep Show has gone downhill. The one-liners are witty and classic Peep Show but the storylines seem to be lacking. All in all, episode 6 was the unsteady end to an unsteady series. Irrelevant point, but there you go. I also tried describing the "Youth of Today" but trying to phrase such a point without sounding like a hypocrite or offensive to my friends was difficult. So, I switched on the TV in hope of some inspiration and look what was on...

Don't get me wrong, generally Friends is a classic show. It was unique for its time and many shows today try to follow in its footsteps (How I Met Your Mother, That 70s Show). The characters also seem quite callous and self-absorbed. Considering I've never been to America, I can only assume that this is what people from the States are actually like. Still what made it so unique? Well, this was one of few shows that had an ensemble cast. There was no main character, in fact there were six. Six people whose daily lives were interconnected with each other which we followed week after week. We could identify with these characters because we knew people like them. Everyone knew a Ross, Phoebe, Joey, Rachel or Monica. I, for one, have been compared to Chandler. I have yet to discover whether it's because he's funny or he's quite camp without intending to be.

The first few series were great. We can laugh at the hairstyles and fashion the characters had. But it was the 90s. Everyone looked like that. Laughing at them would be like laughing at yourself ten years ago. The jokes really hit the spot too. We had Americans who delivered lines impeccably and started off a trend of having memorable quotes that didn't lose their humour over time that has been carried on social networking sites.

The storylines consisted of down-to-earth situations which people of the time experienced day by day. The difference is that these storylines were exaggerated for comedic effect (I can't think of anyone who has left a baby on a bus or been married to a lesbian). The soap-ness of Friends made it unique as well. While there were funny situations going on that would revert back to normality at the episode's end, there was an underlying story happening simultaneously. Mostly, this was to do with Ross and Rachel's romance and its ups and downs and the ultimate question: "Were they on a break?"

These early series were the catalyst of what the show later became. It was a subtle change with no obvious point where the series changed for the worst. It can be argued as to when it happened. Personally, I think it was after Chandler and Monica's wedding but they couldn't have ended with that because there were loose ends to tie up for the other four. I would never have imagined the show turning out the way it did for them. The characters changed overtime as well. For a start, they got paid more and by the end, it became more obvious that they were (to quote Supergrass) "in it for the money." The writing became lazier as well with too much emphasis on catchphrases and flimsy plotlines. If I was writing for the show, the last thing I would have done would be to let Joey and Rachel get it on. It just doesn't make sense.

All the characters changed during the series. Monica. was always the cool-headed character whose personality wasn't so overwhelming (or funny) as the other five. The writers seemed to have compensated for this by changing her into a crazy, obsessive compulsive freak. The OCD was there before, of course, but they seemed to have turned it up to eleven by the final season. Her brother, Ross, also changed. Every other word he said was "Oh My God" and after a while, that got incredibly irritating. Rachel became the eye candy of the series and as a result, wasn't as funny. Phoebe became more bimbo-ey and slutty. I always liked her because she was an innocent living her own dream world with the rest of them being her only connection to the Human Race. Joey became more stupid. There's an episode where he refers to the Adam's apple as a "Joey's apple." Several series before, he is discussing with his friends how he was with a woman who "had an Adam's apple". Was this a momentary lapse of reason or the writers just being plain stupid?

There has been much speculation of a Friends film. I dread to think how this will turn out. Just because it worked for Sex and The City doesn't strictly mean it will for Friends. For one, SATC ended with the opportunity of a film. You see Charlotte and Harry as they are about to adopt a child, Carrie settles down with Mr. Big and you're left with Miranda complaining and Samantha having a lot of sex. The viewers would be left thinking "What happens next?" Friends did not have this. There was an air of finality to the show. Everything ended in the only way it could have, namely Ross and Rachel got back together.

You might have noticed that I neglected to mention the spin-off, Joey. There's a reason for this. It was terrible.

I'll leave you with this. Interestingly, one of the creators of it was a writer on Friends in the early days.

Newton Faulker w/ Lisa Mitchell, Brangwyn Hall, Swansea, 22/10/09

2009-10-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today I felt impulsive. Through Facebook, I found out my friend was seeing singer-songwriter and simultaneous guitar and percussion player Newton Faulkner live. I "liked" the status he wrote and then he mentioned that he had a spare ticket. Since I was doing nothing else and had heard good things, I asked where Newton Faulkner was playing and it turned out it was in Swansea. I thought to myself, a big name artist playing Swansea in a venue that wasn't Sin City? Outrageous!

I accompanied my friend to the gig expecting it to be mediocre. I mentioned that I had heard good things but this was before he got signed and was called Newton Battenburg Faulkner writing songs about having a crush on Avril Lavigne (the things we say when we're young!). His output has been questionable, he has written MOR love songs that have been compared to the likes of James Morrison and Paolo Nutini. The performance tonight suggested that these comparisons were both false and unfair. For one, Newton is a superior guitar player and he is able to write songs without the assistance of Jimmy Hogarth and/or Eg White. This is not to say that writing with them or other writers is wrong but you wonder how much of the songs were written by the singers in question and whether they can really label themselves as "singer-songwriters".

The support act was Anglo-Australian, Lisa Mitchell who has worked with Ed Harcourt and Ben Lee. She has a marketable sound not unlike Feist and Emiliana Torrini that will no doubt be played in your local coffee shop soon. Although shy and timid onstage, she had a breathy singing voice like the two Canadian and Icelandic women with sweet looks to boot. Men who are slightly more macho than the average will be able to buy the album and say they bought because "she's fit" to their friends but will like the cutesy songwriting and youthful vocals secretly.

During the de-rigging of one act and setting up of another, I was able to take notice of the venue. It was a large hall with a stage at one end. The entrance was at the side which was confusing because I was expecting to be able to look at the stage before entering the hall. The PA system was playing cuts from Regeneration by The Divine Comedy. Whoever was choosing music certainly had good taste! With my friend, I had discussed what the seating arrangements would be like. How big the venue was, whether we would sit or stand and whether the seats would ascend or be level. There were seats which made the gig slightly more formal and they were at the same level which meant I had to peer over people's shoulders to see better.

Then came Newton himself with long ginger (or red to be politically correct) dreadlocks that went down to his arse. He plugged his guitar in and showed off his many talents on the instrument. He also played some songs but that's not so important. Newton's musicianship is incredible. Studied at ACM in Guildford, he played bass in Green Day covers band. Later, he honed his craft and found a voice of his own.

Considering his appearance, Newton was surprisingly coherent and well-spoken. I got the impression that he'd be mumbling his way through his set, modestly grunting "Cheers" after every song before starting the next one. Instead, he told anecdotes and made jokes and teased the audience with soundbites of covers. He also used screens to show what his feet were doing whilst playing. This may not sound like much but his feet were controlling pedals that played loops and extra instrumental parts to the songs. His describing of the techniques made you feel like he was doing a workshop on how to be a self-sufficient musician.

Had he not been playing an acoustic guitar, I could have imagined Newton presenting an instructional video on playing guitar using overindulgent techniques which only work if you're in a band called Dream Theater. The acoustic guitar makes his kind of music unique. The only other time I had seen such a good acoustic guitarist was on youtube and since it was a video, the charisma from him compared to Newton was nil. As I hadn't heard much of him before, I couldn't name tracks which stood out. There was one song which sounded like Bob Dylan which I enjoyed. Newton can truly genre-hop. He was able to both No Diggity, Teardrop and others with great aplomb. The downside to him doing the latter is that every band is now covering it thinking they can do it the same justice as the Newton Faulkner version.

While I got the impression that Lisa Mitchell most likely presented herself better on record than onstage, the opposite applied to Newton Faulkner. His live performance does not appear to translate so well on his albums. This could be because of the "singer-songwriter" tag he's received. The sooner people realise that he's different, the sooner we can get closer to understanding what Newton Faulkner really is - a talent in his own right.

Question Time (My opinions, apologies if I offend)

2009-10-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

I can't exactly have a serious photo of this man, can I?

Like millions of other people, I saw Question Time tonight. Honestly, I don't admit to having much knowledge of politics. I only have my opinions and what I hear on the news or read in the papers (and even then, I take those details with a pinch of salt). I believe there are problems with the government right now and that Gordon Brown and the whole gang are digging themselves deeper into trouble. However, things could be a lot worse, we could have a sociopathic racist in charge of our country...

Nick Griffin's views leave a lot to be desired. Views that have attributed to him were denounced on Question Time with little or no indication towards what he actually said or meant. Below is something he could not denounce or put down to "journalist lies". It was also something referenced by the panellists on Question Time.

The message in the video is that Nick Griffin's gang needs a new method of attack. They need to soften their image and say things that could be perceived as racist but then denied as so if questioned. For instance, Nick Griffin could say that Winston Churchill fought against oppression in the same way the BNP are. He can then deny that the statement was racist to anyone who questions it because he didn't say what the oppression was exactly.The world purity has a lot of negative connotations because of something that happened 70 years ago in Germany. The taste after saying it is not a nice one. On the other hand, identity seems to be more appealing. Identity is something that we as humans have while purity is something that only the select few, not even Nick Griffin knows who the select few consist of. You get the idea that there is a hot air balloon flying in the air and he is in charge of pushing people out based on grounds of his own imagination. Changing the words will encourage more people to tick that box on the ballot paper.

You may ask yourself: "Who exactly votes for the BNP? I don't and I don't know anyone who does." Someone out there must do. How else would they get seats in the European Parliament. Of course, there were only 2 seats awarded to the party which means that one bored BNP MEP will someone to talk to. Those 2 seats equate to a million votes however. So clearly, this is not a laughing matter. The BNP are a bigger menace than the Credit Crunch, Global Warming and Terrorism combined.

People are feeling oppressed in this climate. Some haven't been able to get jobs. Others have failed to get a proper education. They feel that the Government isn't doing anything for them and that they have been overlooked. Instead of looking within themselves to find out why this is the case, they have turned to a scapegoat - anyone that isn't them. It appears that the BNP has picked up on these people's insecurities and played them to their advantage. They have posed as a "great white hope" (pardon the pun) to the underprivileged people and made them think that a vote for the BNP will see an end to their troubles.

Media like television and the internet has helped increase the BNP's exposure. There are channels on youtube which contain members of the party saying quite proudly what they stand for and what they believe to be wrong with the country. These videos are incredibly biased. They pick out the things they think are right and ignore any other evidence like a Evangelical Protestant has been given a marker pen to alter The Bible as they see fit. Take this fine example:

So we have this sob story about how a mother can't send parcels at her local Post Office to her son serving abroad. Sentiments using the words "Bring home the troops" and "Support the troops" are echoed willy-nilly. We aren't told what she's done wrong exactly. Something about her son fighting in a war is the reason given. The BNP have asked the Postmaster why but he refuses to tell them. Why should he? They'll only edit it to suit their means. Perhaps having a neutral party like, say, the NEWS could give a balanced view on the situation and the chance for the viewer to decide for themselves who is right.

Recently, there was a protest against racism in Swansea. A Facebook group was made to promote the cause. While the protest was successful, more people could have shown their support. I accept that I am one of them but other than on the Facebook group, I was unaware of an actual demonstration happening since there are all kinds of groups and/or events on Facebook which are there but are not taken seriously (i.e. Steak and Blowjob day, Go-Out-And-Buy-Carrots Day, and of course, Christmas Day). The issue here was awareness. What happened to the good old-fashioned poster in shop windows or a spread in the local paper?

Apathy. That is what is letting the BNP get recognition. Some people react to the flaws in Government by not voting in a hope that things will get better by themselves. Others react by voting for unorthodox hoping that they will finally get their voices heard. The fear is that the extremist voters will overshadow the apathetic population and that we one day hear the words "The Right Hon. Nick Griffin MP." Personally, I think the idea of saying "Don't Vote For BNP" to people won't necessarily work because the public have the right to vote for whoever they want. It's up to them to find out all the possible options and why they should vote for a certain party. Most people have the common sense to not vote BNP anyway.

The BBC took a bold and wise decision in showing Nick Griffin on Question Time so people can make a decision for themselves based on what they've seen. For some, he might have been very noble and well-presented. To the rest of us, he was a tit who could make outrageous statements that teeter towards racism without explaining why he is right.

For me, the ultimate punchline would be if Nick Griffin did a DNA test that came back with results saying he was descended from the very people he was out to get rid of.

Music is dead, long live Music

2009-10-20T08:57:00.001-07:00

Before reading this, I urge you to take a look at this beforehand:

http://www.teletext.co.uk/planetsound/interviews-features/855f71b1b375db1e89b391c50448051a/%2700s+music+came+2nd.aspx

Today, my lecturer came to a realisation - the eighties is coming back. How did he discover this? Did he get a pair of legwarmers whilst watching the remake of Fame and trimming his mullet? No. As a matter of fact, he was listening to Radio 2. He was astounded to discover that Blancmange had reformed, at least he thought it was. However, it wasn't them at all, it was another band known as Editors.

Whether Editors are aware of the similarities between their sound and Blancmange's remains to be seen. Of course, they're not the first band to draw influences from that decade. Take a look at the charts now, bands like La Roux have got the sound/style/look of Eurythmics down to a T (or to be precise, an E). Glasvegas are as gloomy as the Jesus and Mary Chain were back in the day. Songs are taking inspiration from 80s hits and reinterpreting for their own personal gain. "You Spin Me Round" and "I'm Too Sexy" have been given the seal of approval by the public of the noughties. Funny though, that if you played those original songs in a club, there would be cringes and disapproving looks aplenty. What makes Sugababes and Flo Rida so much appealing compared to Right Said Fred and Dead or Alive (yes I am aware I'm Too Sexy is from the 90s but shh).

This 80s comeback isn't the first trend to become popular. We've had post-punk revivals and Britpop from bands too young to remember Definitely Maybe. The noughties will probably be remembered as the one where music ran out of ideas. Since the year 2000, listeners have gone from bubblegum pop to nu-metal and then a combination of the two. Following this, they turned on some indie music and then new rave. Now they are in the realms of drum 'n' bass and/or dubstep. Any remnant of the music they used to listen to can be found when a DJ plays Fat Lip by Sum 41 or Reach by S Club 7 (the chances of the same club playing both songs is slim really).

You could put down this change to growing older but even so, that suggests that listeners can be quite fickle. There might be some shame in a 19 year old listening to the same songs they liked when they were 11. Personally, I've tried to avoid this by having a self-imposed exile on modern music and only listen to music which has stood the test of time. In other words, I see your Ting-Tings and Horrors and I raise you Carole King and Elton John. You could argue that other decades have developed in the same way. But the difference between then and now is that music was developing into something new and unique to a genre that was unheard. Take the 70s, we had light pop and soft disco which then transformed into punk out of the blue.

According to Music Critic Legend, John Earls, this fickleness of today's music is caused by the internet. People have been talking about the hottest new band on their blogs (oh the irony), message boards and social networking websites rather than taking the time to listen to what they're writing about. It's as if they've played five seconds of any given track and then said "Yeah it's good lol" without taking much notice of it. People like this only have themselves to blame when they see the band get big and then start hating the song they once praised. What makes it even worse is when a given band creates an outstanding debut and then gets sidelined second time around because they're not fashionable anymore.

This craze has been more prevalent than ever thanks to record labels. If the first album doesn't sell well, the band is pretty much dropped without question instead being given time to develop. Record labels may pressurise bands to follow a certain trendy sound. For example, Blur and Ocean Colour Scene created debut albums that sounded like something from Shaun Ryder's rectum before finding their Britpop niche. Getting bands to change like that are becoming increasingly difficult to find. Recently, following the success of Arctic Monkeys, came bands that sounded exactly like them. Milburn and Little Man Tate are such examples. When it was discovered they didn't have the longevity of Alex Turner's gang, they were (unfairly in some cases) dropped.

So who will be remembered from this decade? Coldplay is up there, mainly because they presented a commercial sound copied by countless other bands (Keane, Thirteen Senses, Morning Runner). Amy Winehouse is there as well for the same reason with countless new Amys following (Adele and Duffy). The Strokes brought about the post-punk revival which led to The Libertines, Razorlight and Five O'Clock Heroes. Interestingly, the Libertines were the British Strokes so there were artists who became The British British Libertines who I mentioned above. Franz Ferdinand had Bloc Party and Editors but Kele and Co. broke away from that stigma on Intimacy.

All that can be done is for people to find hidden gems in the next decade from the noughties. Originality might be hard to find but it is there if you take the time to look. I can only hope that the sound of the 2010s is more organic and that music in general becomes less focussed on a flavour of the week.

The X Factor: A Rant

2009-10-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday and I am hungover. This means that I cannot go out and I am stuck watching The X Factor. Following my last blog on the topic, I have been converted by my housemate and I am an avid viewer. Despite the acts supposedly having a shelf-life after the show, I'm not a fan of the music. If I wanted to hear "Hallelujah", "Against All Odds" and "Generic X Factor Winners Song", I'd listen to Jeff Buckley (I'm not into Leonard's version so much), Phil Collins or Geraldine McQueen. This show is ultimately the most entertaining advert ever and you should only take it as that.

This week, there's a divas theme and since Whitney Houston is performing tomorrow for the Results show, lots of people sang Whitney songs whether they were able to or not. Clive Davis was also on the show as a guest. For all those who don't know, Clive Davis is a big big record producer who discovered Whitney and other performers who can be described as "The Next Whitney". All the acts were far from good this week. There were certain degrees of how bad they were, sort of like a badism spectrum.

The worst, without a doubt, were John and Edward. This isn't just me ranting on my own, the world and his mother-in-law seems to think so. They did a surreal version of "Oops I Did It Again" that made you sit up, stare for a moment and then laugh hysterically. Last week, there were terrible as well but they were saved from eviction. This might be to do with Stephen Gately dying and not wanting to add insult to injury to poor Louis Walsh (the twins' mentor and Boyzone's manager).

The best (of the worst) singers was Lucie. I felt kind of let down because she was lumped with a Whitney tune to sing. There seemed to be no thought put into the decision. Simon actually commented on this saying she was being given songs with too many high notes. How hard is it to find something better for her to sing? I can think of several acts who would suit Lucie's voice: Carole King and The Carpenters to name a few.

There also seems to be a recurring pattern of artists covered besides the "artist-in-residence" for that week. Britney Spears, Leona Lewis and Beyonce Knowles songs have been performed frequently. I hope they branch out because I don't think these artists need more money from royalties. There were plenty of divas they could have used but didn't, namely, Amy Winehouse, Celine Dion and Minnie Riperton. Simon Cowell commented that the singers were staying too close to the original, which is a fair comment. Considering they only have a week to learn the song, there's no surprise that they do remain loyal. Lloyd's version of "Bleeding Love", which was the most different to the original was criticised by Simon though. Seems there really is no pleasing him.

The diva theme seemed to be ill-advised since it required men to sing out of their range about topics that didn't necessary apply to them in the same way. Rikki covering "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" was quite a mistake. A skinny Scottish white boy who cries non-stop singing against racism or any other form of oppression does not make sense at all. Surely there was more "unisex" song they could have chosen for him. This could apply for the rest of the boys in the competition except Lloyd who I believe did a good version of "Bleeding Love".

The British have been known to be mad about the underdog. John and Edward seem to be joining the ranks of Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards and Tim Henman. They're terrible, but this could be why the crowd love them. If the twins did win, The X Factor would never be taken seriously again. Whoever wins, you wonder how long they will last and what direction they will be forced to take. The contestants all seem to lack the charisma which makes them like pop stars. For example, imagine Stacey Solomon being interviewed. She's so hard to understand she'd probably require subtitles like Susan Boyle did when she appeared on Oprah. Even when you can comprehend, she's not exactly saying anything enlightening. The rest of the contestants are saying "This is a dream come true" in 12 different ways.

So are the judges getting lazier? Or is the novelty of The X Factor wearing off? It has been said that it's a difficult to tell this year who will win. This isn't because they're all at a high level, it's because they're all so bad it's too close to work out who is the best.

Peep Show Episode 5

2009-10-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

I take it all back. The series hasn't been all bad, and this proves it. The storyline here was the one they needed to tie up all the loose ends. People who missed previous series were welcomed to references from the past, the return of Super Hans (plus rental snake), Jeff, Sarah (Mark's sister) and Ian (Sophie's dad). There's also a reminder of the first episode with Ocean Drive by Lighthouse Family.

In a bid to shag Dobby, Mark impulsively has a party. He invites everyone he knows. There's a few gatecrashers here and there and a massive shit in the toilet, but he sorts them out with a "Paddington stare". With his sister, he has to sort out visitation rights for the baby. An offer is made by Sophie's dad which he may or may not take on...

Sure, having a party is the easy way out. There's something sort of "1970s bawdy comedy repeated endlessly on G.O.L.D." about it, but as I discussed before, Peep Show often makes things harder for itself than necessary. The comedy in this episode is at a high level so the episode seems to flow tremendously. It has moments you wouldn't expect as well involving Elena. And the ending is the best one this series - an example of a good one the previous episodes have lacked.

Criticisms here are hard to come by. I guess the only major things are Mark and the gatecrashers not being expanded on more. Maybe the snake could have made more of an appearance. Of course, the writers know what they're doing and I'm not going to their job for them, just congratulate them for the job they're doing now...

The Art of Pulling

2009-10-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

Pulling, it's what we were created for (if you believe in that crap). Between the ages of 13 to 21, it is all some people can ever think about and talk about. However, only a handful of those people can actually pull. Quite obviously, I'm not one of them.

My first problem with pulling is that you can only really do it in two places, a house party or a club. I tried pulling a library once but I got silenced by the librarian. At a house party, you hopefully know people there so making the step forward in talking to people shouldn't be too much of a problem. But because everyone mostly knows everyone else at a house party, you run the risk of being the subject of gossip the next day. Meanwhile, at a club, pretty much everyone is a stranger to you, unless you know a lot of people or go to that particular club on a regular basis. If you pull here, there's less concern over what other people might think.

In a club, there are usually two or three things you can do - dance, buy drinks or sit. Problem with doing these things is that you run out of either energy, money or patience. Also, you feel like every action you do is judged by someone somewhere. So if you buy a drink, you have to be careful what you buy (i.e. beer and cider, not alcopops). If you dance, you have to show enthusiasm and indifference at the same time, so you end up moving your body from the waist up...but not your arms. Chairs in clubs are not the nicest things to sit on and are usually occupied by groups of people who are bigger and more attractive than you and your buddies.

I forgot to mention before that there is one other thing you can do in a club, go to the smoking terrace. This is good because you can actually hear yourself and meet people. I've met people on many occasions. Usually it's just a matter of spontaneity, a group of people will be talking about a band or TV show and then you can interject with a point. If you are anti-smoking however, you are disadvantaged. You have to dance, buy drink or sit. Even worse is if you are anti-smoking AND anti-alcohol. You can pretty much only dance and if you're shit at dancing, only God can save you. So if you're anti-smoking, anti-alcohol AND anti-God, you are fucked. When faced with the issue of smoking and/or drinking, I like to put it as a question, "Do you want to die a virgin or from cancer?" I know which I'd prefer.

People often say that you have to put yourself out there when you're on the pull. For girls, this is easy. It's just a matter of having a pair of breasts, a bottom and other attractive female assets and putting them to use. For guys, there is only thing we can show off really and showing that off might be a bit much and illegal. So we make the most of what we can actually show. One way of making yourself noticed is to wear clothes (something I do on a regular basis). Remember when guys started wearing pink and it was socially acceptable? I'm pretty that that was invented by a nerdy guy who tried it once, got laughed at repeatedly, but managed to pull a girl who felt sorry for him (or was drugged, depending on how morbid you feel). You can also style your hair as a mohawk/mullet/hoxton fin/rooster/plaits, settle for gel and have it in a style you'll regret ten years down the line or you could be rebellious and not style it at all. I do the latter, not through rebellion but because I look like a douchebag with gelled hair, somewhat like Simon from The Inbetweeners.

No-one ever wrote a book on the etiquette of pulling. I tell a lie, they do, but they require some sort of compromise on your personality while saying "Be Yourself" at the same time. So basically, you can say you like music but not reveal that you like Elton John (save that for after you've married, no escape there!).

Say you've clocked onto a woman, she's with her friends and they start dancing. How do you join them? Some people might say that I've answered my own question, just go for it. But some people, like me, might be too nervous or paranoid to make that first leap. Whether it's because they're scared the girl won't like them or that they can't dance (or maybe they can and they don't want to be perceived as gay). If you make this step, congratulations but be warned. You have to build a rapport with the lady in a building with music that plays at 110dB. Shouting your name in her ear might not be the best way of building a relationship with someone. And texting your name on your phone and showing her might seem a bit strange.

Sometimes, people don't even bother with such formalities as name, age etc. etc. They just go for it. They'll test the waters one step at a time. First, they'll dance with the person. Then, they'll put their arm around the girl in a friendly way and see if she reciprocates. Then the guy will get closer and closer. The friendly arm might turn into a frisky one, going from shoulder to back to bum. If there are no complaints from the other person, they do the deed.

Hooray, you've done this. But now what? Do you ask for her number? Do you go home and stalk her on Facebook? Or do you just dance unaffectedly? In the past, I've seen some people just walk away and the process is repeated by both parties with different people. Other times, I've heard (rather than seen) of girls giving blowjobs in the toilets. Of course, this act does not mean anything, it's just an impulsive act that's welcomed in Club-Land. It's also welcomed at your nearest Sexual Health Clinic. Occasionally, the guys on the receiving end will be quite attractive and really see them going somewhere. The rest of the time, the guy is an ugly fucker who is also quite a dick. You're left thinking "What the flying fuck? Why not me?" This has happened to me a couple of times. I've grown to accept it. I have no choice really.

Alcohol is prevalent for the art of pulling. Have enough, and you can do anything. You can walk up hills, sing like you're on the X Factor, fight people and have amazing sex. Of course, alcohol can also be used to give people false hopes and think all the things I've just said will happen to them. Alcohol may also alter your eyesight. People might be attractive who weren't when sober. Or you may lower your expectations and go for anything (something I do when both drunk or sober). This explains why women will go for dicks in clubs, at least, that's what I tell myself. I don't like to admit that I'm a repulsive midget of an arsehole who talks too much about nothing in particular like I've aged prematurely.

All in all, pulling is an unusual artform. Like normal art, it provokes thought and discussion for a long time afterwards, even if you're talking to your psychiatrist about how your life is miserable and how pulling that girl you saw once in Liquid might have changed your life forever. Also like art, mistakes can be made. The difference is that in art, these mistakes can be rectified through restoration or tearing up the paper and starting again. The moral of the story here is "Use A Condom."

Ex-girlfriend - The Rant

2009-10-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'll surprise myself. I'll do something crazy and totally out there without even thinking. Sometimes I'll down a drink without thinking about it, I'll say something without thinking about the consequences or sometimes, only sometimes, I'll get a girlfriend. As you might have seen from the clubbing blog, it doesn't happen very often. At least not in the conventional way, I'll have to use the internet, go on a school trip or meet someone at a house party in order to "get to know them".

When it works, it's great. I get enjoyment from being in a relationship with someone. I just have to make sure I don't reveal too much too soon to the person or say the wrong thing. But like all good things, it has to end. Sometimes I decide to end it (and later regret it), she might end it (because we have nothing in common) or we might make a mutual agreement. I say that, I'll agree with her points but I won't say so because I like being the victim. Occasionally, I'll stay in touch with these former partners, or at least try to. They will possibly try to do the same, whether I want to or not. Depending on how bad the break-up was and the situation surrounding it, I might not want to be friends without saying so. Actions should speak louder than words and if you don't get the message (literally in some cases), this is my hint to you now.

One of the most recent relationships I was in turned out badly. I won't explain too much but I will say that it takes two to tango...I wasn't even dancing. So it ended, and in theory we'd never see each other and if we did, it'd be 3 years down the line and we would be able to patch up our differences (STDs do strange things to someone's personality). The issue was that the person I was with was in my group of friends. And so we tiptoed around the whole issue without saying anything.

It's a year later. We are still tiptoeing and there's little/no chance of us ever putting our differences aside. In a way, it's good. I like having to hide in my bedroom when she comes over. And I love how she comes frequently. Sometimes my housemates won't tell me she's coming so I get a lovely surprise when I walk down the stairs to get a bite to eat or something to drink. At the weekend, I was all excited about going to a party. I was putting on my confidence shoes (they make me grow a foot taller) and when I went down, look who was there waiting. Sometimes I'll be minding my own business and she'll come in unannounced. I'll have to keep minding my own business until she's gone. I'll keep staring at the TV (although it's been switched off), I'll use my laptop (which is a hassle if I'm talking to a potential girlfriend and someone asks what I'm doing) or I'll try and cook something in the kitchen and never come out.

It's also wonderful knowing that a bunch of freedom-loving, sexual relations-having hippies live not far down the street. The girl in question lost her heart to one of them although I fail to see the attraction myself. There's an issue with quality control, there really is. My friends go to visit most of the time which feels like a kick in the teeth to me. I can't exactly tell them how I feel, can I? After all, they have stay as neutral as possible and I'm just as much their friend and she is. After what happened, it feels unfair that they would do that. Of course, we have to be polite now, don't we?

Anyway, while she's able to visit willy-nilly, I cannot pay her the same courtesy. My friends will go out without inviting me, or even telling me where they're going. I'm left to find out on my own or through someone else staying in whether they're ill, stoned or drunk, or all three at once. You could argue that I'd feel out of place if I went to her place. But why couldn't I? Right now, it feels like someone has killed my mother and they're allowed to visit the scene of the crime (or my house, whatever) while I'm not permitted to see them in their prison cell to watch them rot.

On the occasions we do go out, it's horrible. I feel like I can't enjoy myself if she's there. I can't try to hit on a girl at a club while she's watching over me. Again, if only there was the same respect given back. I have been out several times and she has got with people (it's not really cheating, honest). These are people who could possibly become friends with but never get the chance to because of their shenanigans. It was particularly insulting when my ex-lead singer offered his "services" to her. After all the things I've said, I'm surprised he'd ever consider it.

Okay, maybe I'm being harsh but think of it this way. The whole situation has made me even more scared of women. If it wasn't bad enough being scared of women I know already, I'm now terrified of the ones I don't know at all in case they all turn out to be like that. There's also the lack of remorse in her actions. I feel that I've been fucked over for no good reason (I was drunk...does that count?) and there's no hint of regret or apology in it. I've just been told to "Get over it." We can't all be like that, we can't just ignore what other people have done to us just like that. I've been berated for making "snide remarks" and "talking behind her back". It's pretty obvious that the same has been done to me. Someone once mentioned karma and how it would all turn out fine in the end. I wonder though, what if karma has already done its work? I don't feel like justice has been done. And also, why the hell do I feel like the bad guy in all of this?

Air Traffic - Fractured Life

2009-10-12T05:24:00.000-07:00

Following comments from my friend about me being "obsessed" with The Beatles, I've decided to review other things. Instead of full blown reviews, I'll just sum up the last couple of Beatles albums in a few words.

Yellow Submarine - Reasonable. Although the album is made up of songs that have been released on other albums (All You Need Is Love, Yellow Submarine etc.) and George Martin's arrangements showing another one of his talents. Highlight track has to be Hey Bulldog.

Abbey Road - Get it, get it, get it.

Let It Be - I preferred Let It Be Naked personally. The orchestration seems overwhelming making tracks sound like they're by The Carpenters at times (pardon the pun but take The Long and The Winding Road, for example).

With all that out the way, I can focus on other acts who have released albums since The Beatles. Let me start with Air Traffic...

Air Traffic are your typical post-Coldplay "indie" rock act. I say "indie", they were signed with a subsidiary of EMI, a major record label. They made big in 2007 being likened to "Supergrass covering Little Richard" by the NME (they later gave the album 6/10). You have to love the NME, giving a band who has only released one photo of themselves the tag of "The next big thing" being compared to such-and-such a band with added unneccessary hyperbole only to then deride them a few years later. Don't just take my word for it. Look at Razorlight...

Air Traffic's sound is very polished. You have clean piano and falsetto vocals coupled with crunching guitars playing powerchords and drums thundering throughout. It makes a change to the simpering guitar parts with weird chords you get you sometimes get with Coldplay. The downside of this change in guitars is that when there's no piano playing, you can't tell the band apart from any other indie band from the same era. On "Charlotte", singer Chris Wall yelps like Luke Pritchard from The Kooks. Lyrics like "Your face/My place" really sum it up. It's business as usual in indie land.

Tracks like "Shooting Star" and "Just Abuse Me" are lyrically touching at times but the music overrides it. A line like "I'm fed up in here/In my atmosphere" will have an Edge-like guitar line hiding its sweetness. We have something different on "No More Running Away", there's use of tribal drums on the track. The falsetto becomes even more like Tom Chaplin on here. You are also made aware of it in "Time Goes By".

There was no way that Air Traffic could escape Keane comparisons. In the same way that Coldplay comparisons were bound to be used for them when they first used. The question is can Air Traffic rise above the comparisons? Keane could, by using more ambience than Coldplay. They used electronic bleeps all over their first two albums. Then they went electronic and did a Kid A on their career. Unlike Kid A, this album didn't grow on people and become the great we now view Kid A as.

On a track like "Empty Space", having minimal instrumentation is paramount in getting the message across, the song being about the death of a friend. The last line in the same way as "Everybody Hurts" ("We've Known It All Along"). It's a shame because the profoundness of the song comes through fine by itself. However, you could argue that if they're serious on Charlotte with the lyric mentioned previously, they have voided their profoundness through misogyny.

It's not all doom-and-gloom with this band, we hear their rollicking side on "I Like That" and "Get In Line". The latter has a Britpop sound with Chris Wall using British slang like "dodgy bloke" and "runner". Consistency is the key word here. They haven't done the Britpop thing on any of the tracks before and they don't on the others that follow it. This "Britishness" worked for Arctic Monkeys because it was something that was omnipresent and didn't feel as clichéd as a gangster from a Guy Ritchie film.

"I Can't Understand" is one of the stand-out tracks along with "Just Abuse Me". They get the right amount of heartfelt lyricism and musicianship here. "Your Fractured Life" on the other hand sounds good but owes too much of a debt to Coldplay. There's emotional at the beginning but you feel that there is hope by the end. There's also development on hidden track, "Pee Wee Martini" that makes them sound more like Doves than Coldplay. As it's a hidden track, it could be seen as a direction they might want to take soon or something that they thought of at the last minute particularly with a title like that.

Listening to this, I felt that there was too much hype around them. They're not a bad act by any means but they should have make themselves stand out more. They should have focussed more on the thing which makes them different, mixing emotion with music rather than making the listener overcome with grief like Coldplay and Keane.

Clubbing - The Rant

2009-10-10T19:19:00.000-07:00

So you're getting ready to go out. You're going out with your friends to one of the best clubs in town. You're putting on your best shirt but not your Converse because they're not allowed. You try styling your hair into a quiff but can't remember if quiffs are cool anymore. By the time, you have chosen a style for it, you discover that your hair is too long and needs cutting. You prepare your liver by drinking x amount of cans of beer/cider/petrol and kill more time by taking pictures of yourself dressed up which will not look so flattering the next day and look even more awful ten years down the line. Then, at 10 o'clock, you head out to town in a taxi which costs you approximately 1 or 2 pounds.

Your friends reckon it's too early to go to the club now and decide to go to the nearest Wetherspoon's for a drink. You buy a few drinks (my poison is Sailor Jerry's and Coke) and wait around for the club to get interesting. Problem here is that you have to stand and drink since all the tables and chairs are occupied. Because there's so many people, you can rarely hear what your friends are saying. This might lead you to laugh at a joke you thought you heard but was in fact someone telling the group they sadly had lost a relative, pet, etc or some other less embarrassing situation.

It's 11:00pm approximately and at this point you decide to go to the club. The catch is that other people have been thinking the same as you and decided to wait until the club gets busy before going to it. Naturally, this causes a queue to form and more waiting around. While you are able to hear your friends, you aren't able to drink whilst talking to them, a good way to cover up any lack of social grace you have. You get out your I.D. when the time comes. The bouncer looks at it, then at you. He can't believe that you are as old as your passport/driving license says you are. He'll make a joke about it or ask you to recite your date of birth, depending on his mood at the time. Finally, you're let in.

You pay an entry fee of anything from 5 pounds upwards. You then get a stamp, braclet or ticket that is checked by another bouncer along with your ID again! The same jokes/interrogation ensues. After this, you have passed the final stage and can enjoy yourself. To your left is a bar. In front of you is a dancefloor and on your right should be your friends. Unfortunately, they've buggered off without telling you and you're left to queue up for a drink on your own.

You wait patiently to be served. You understand that this is quite a hard job and that everyone is busy. Getting more staff would make no difference because the drinks machines can only be used by one person at a time. The bar's not big enough to fit more people either, whether it's a design flaw and there's a pillar put directly in the middle of the bar or the barmen are larger than your average. People push in but you don't complain. It's probably an accident and if you point it out, they'll either fight you or not hear you. So you wait.

At last, you're being served. You ask for your "usual". The barman can't hear what you're saying. One way to combat this is to type your order in a text message. It takes time to do this however and by the time you've finished, you find out they don't serve that drink and you have to start again. You get the drink. You give the barman a fiver unaware of how much the drink costs. You expect a few pounds change at least. Instead you get twenty pence. You are about to say that they might have made a mistake but then realise that everything in club-land is overpriced.

You make your way to the dancefloor. That's where everyone is, right? Great! One snag though, you can't dance. Judging by people around you, they can't either. So you shuffle your feet a bit and raise your arms making a pointing gesture. You don't know what you're pointing at exactly but who says there needs to anything. You recognise the music you hear. It's the same song that this club played 4 years ago at the Under-18s night. You realise that the song after was played that night as well as the song before. In fact, it's the same playist.

You see a girl you like. You know nothing about her. She doesn't seem to be with anyone. She's alone like you are. Unlike you, she's a good dancer and really putting her all into it, showing off her best assets in movement or dress. You want to get to where she is but there's someone in front of you who is really into the song. Walking forward would mean bumping into them and possibly starting off World War III. A girl is dancing next to that guy and moving past her might be perceived as unwanted sexual contact. You truly are stuck. You just hope that she clocks onto you and makes her way towards you. In the meantime, you shuffle and look out for anyone who may be closer.

You're tapped on the shoulder. You turn and see someone you either didn't like or were indifferent to at school. They say hi and you do as well. They ask how you are and you say yeah. You would continue this discussion further but the music is too loud and you don't particularly care about the person enough to step outside. An awkward pause rears itself and then the person moves and says take care. Your life hasn't be massively changed by this meeting. It's just good to know that the person hasn't been jailed yet and wasn't with their mates who definitely didn't like you and had no problem showing it.

At last, you see one of your friends. Problem is, they aren't your friend, they're your ex-girlfriend who you had a bad break-up with that happens to be friends with your friends. You acknowledge each other and she tries to start a conversation consisting of "Where's everyone else?" As there's no-one else around that you know, you're stuck with this person unless the circumstances change. Unfortunately, your ex-girlfriend does not show this courtesy and after saying that you don't know where everyone else is, they scurry off to find some rebound pie.

There's another girl in your sights. Thankfully she's closer to you and move towards her. She pays no attention to you. Clubs aren't exactly the best places to introduce yourself and have a lengthy conversation about anything. Based on this logic, you have brought yourself into thinking that girls in clubs are here for one thing and one thing only. After all, it doesn't make sense for a girl who is taken to go to a club that will be packed with slovenly, slobbering, single men. They've got the man already, so they need to find different things to do. You turn around for one second, then look back and find that your dream girl has been seen by someone else. They are making out and it's really apparent. At first, you wonder where this guy came from and what the hell he did that made him look attractive to the girl. Then you realise that in club-land, you don't need to do anything in particular to attract someone. However having spiked-up hair and an ear piercing helps.

At this point, you're quite bored. There's only so much you can do and trying to find other women has become a disheartening idea. Going back to the bar is out of the question too. It'd be suicide trying to reach it and then waiting in the queue again. Apparently, you're not allowed to sit on the floor since club-land doesn't like that. You must be standing, standing, ALWAYS standing in order to enjoy yourself. You need the toilet but it's a number two and if you remember correctly, the toilets didn't flush properly, have toilet roll or working soap dispensers that worked. It even have been all three. Ultimately, you would have rather just stayed at home listening to your own music and drink for free rather than have someone else's music taste shoved down your throat.

Suddenly, you see the friend who invited you out clubbing in the first place. Like everyone else, you have a crush on her. It's different for you however, because you saw her first and want more than just the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am the other suitors would provide (if that!). You say hi and ask where the others have gone. She tells that they left a little while because someone drank too much and did something they regretted. So basically it is just you and her. Great, you think, a chance to be "alone" with her and express your feelings in words, actions or otherwise.

Your friend suggests that you go to the bar and get a drink. You don't mind about the fact it's a kamikaze mission to get there and buy the drink. You don't care that the money used to buy the drink could be invested in a trip to Switzerland where you would pay for an assisted suicide. Hell, you'd even unclog the club toilet with your bare hands to be closer to her. You get money out for drinks from your wallet but accidentally drop a coin. You're worried about it because if you've dropped a pound, it's the difference between paying for a taxi or walking home at the end of the night. She sees what's happened and pays for the both of you. To think you were trying to be a gentleman...

You return to the dancefloor and dance with your friend. There's not much contact between you because you're "just friends". You're not sure if you are though, so you lightly put your hand on her back while dancing. If she doesn't move it, then it's safe to continue. She either hasn't noticed or appreciates it. If it's the former, you think you should be grateful that you can do this much. If it's the latter, you're too scared to overstep the boundary. Kissing her here doesn't seem right. There's too many people and there's the wrong kind of atmosphere. You always imagined your first kiss would be after a long, deep and private talk where everything feels just right.

You're dancing away and you keep your thoughts to yourself when your other friend appears who happens to be having an on-off relationship with the girl you like. You thought it was off when in fact it was on all along. They don't tell you to go away but you get the feeling you are intruding, like you're the "other guy" who's there to wreck their marriage. The fact it's not exactly the most monogamous of marriages, let alone relationships, does not affect you. You sidle away to cry on the inside.

As you sit on a chair with couples making out either side of you. You feel vibrating. It's your phone which you pick up and answer. Another thing you've forgotten about club-land is that you're not allowed to contact the outside world. The only people you can talk to are inside the club. Whether they want to talk to you is a different matter. You think that it's your friends saying that they're going now and want to know where you are. You walk out of the club and wait for them. Turns out they're not waiting for you, the friend in question is pissed and felt like calling you "for a laugh". To make matters worse, you've not your stamp/wristband or ticket to hand and can't back in. It's far too expensive to get a taxi back and it's too far to walk, so you are truly stuck.

An age passes before your friends get out the club. You wait in the queue for a taxi and the scenario becomes like "Red Lights Indicate..." by Arctic Monkeys. You get back to your house despite the taxi driver getting lost. Despite this mistake on his part, he refuses to change the total fare which you can't afford (it WAS a pound you dropped). Thankfully, your mate chips in for you and you promise to pay him back even though they owe you far more in bills or that time they had some drink of yours.

You come back home feeling disappointed. You were promised so much tonight but it failed to deliver. You expected the Playboy Mansion but instead got the Year 9 School Disco. To get over this deceit, you write an unnecessarily long blog and complain about why clubs are shit and refer to people and situations without addressing them directly. You also put some change in the Switzerland trip fund...

Peep Show, Episode 4 - A Rave-ish

2009-10-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

After last week's episode, I was on the verge on giving up on Peep Show altogether. I'd stick the old series like I only stick to Elton John albums made before Captain Fantastic. Thankfully, I needn't be so cynical because this episode was a return to form, albeit not a complete one.

In this episode, Mark forms a partnership with Johnson and they make a new business. While this is a dream come true for Mark, he questions the sanity of his partner. Russian Nan...sorry Elena is playing mind games on Jez meanwhile. Mark discovers that there is someone else that she loves. When it is revealed to Jez, he doesn't mind because the "other guy" is in fact another woman.

While we wait for Super Hans to return, Big Suze helps us get over the problem. She is still with Johnson despite having him losing his job. Suze is also questioning her boyfriend's sanity because of his strange behaviour. Elena carries on seeing both Jez and her girlfriend, Gail. So Jez pretends to be a dealer while Mark acts as a guy interested in working at a Mexican restaurant owned by Gail. Mark tries a shift, only to find that Johnson has arranged a meeting with some clients at the very same restaurant. So he's left to juggle serving customers and discuss a proposal at once.

This series follows a formula which has been used in every series preceding it. Mark is given the chance to do something (whether it is going out with Sophie, or getting a dream job) but then a Jez-shaped spanner is thrown into the works. His opportunity is then taken away from him by the angry benefactor. Sometimes, Jez doesn't need to do anything. Mark is sometimes responsible for his undoing through being creepy or careless. Now thay Mark has lost his job, the page is blank and this formula can be used in any given way. The ending will always be the same - unfortunate.

This isn't to say that Peep Show's not funny. These endings are what makes it different from other comedies. It's cringeworthy and you feel for the character as well as find the situation itself funny. Like how Curb Your Enthusiasm has funny moments coupled with you knowing Larry meant something different to how it was interpreted. The ending on this episode was pretty good. Jez getting kicked in the nuts by Johnson was amazing, but the reason behind it wasn't as adequate as it could have been.

The reactions have been both expected and unpredictable at the same time. In other words, they get angry (which you do expect) but over something you wouldn't expect them to get angry about. This episode had Johnson get angry over Mark working at a Mexican restaurant. Why, we don't know and it appears he's overreacting over nothing. However we do find out that Johnson had informed Mark that they were meeting clients at the same place. Had we seen this before (even if it was just a text), it would have made more sense. It also gives scope in Mark turning round to Gail at the last minute and saying he can't work but being forced to anyway. Perhaps using that perspective would have worked better.

Yes, Peep Show is in a lull at the moment. We're not talking Simpsons after 1998 but it is still there. But this episode was the best of (dare I say it) bad bunch. On the whole, the ideas aren't what they were and the writing is only fair. There's still quotes that people will remember and use for ages after. The situations don't grow as organically as they have done. There's no climax to build up towards. Sometimes the climaxes have happened too quickly or they have been a letdown. Considering the whole pregnancy thing, you would expect the climax to be there. But using it this time would be too much like older series. I remember the writers talking about how they don't like to go for the obvious choices in their scripts. Sometimes doing so is for the best...

The Beatles - The White Album

2009-10-09T14:15:00.001-07:00

This was my favourite Beatles album for a good few years. This was partly because I saw Sgt. Pepper as a cop-out of an answer, but also because there's so much depth on the album. Everyone is singing, writing and performing on the record. Their personalities are shining through more than ever. Of course, this was because the band had taken to writing, singing and performing separately, something that would slowly but surely cause the death of the band but it's great to hear anyway.

On this album, the band are being experimental without being gimmicky. They've stopped being overt hippies (something that was becoming unfashionable after '67) and made that a more subtle part of their personalities. John, Paul and George all put a finger in the avant-garde pie whether it's Revolution 9, Wild Honey Pie or Piggies. Yoko Ono's avant-garde ideas don't get in the way of John Lennon's songwriting except when he wants them to be. Having Dear Prudence and Glass Onion next to each other shows this - two different sides to the same person. You sometimes forget this is only the first half of the album and that there's so much more. John's scathing approach is inimitable here. Writing a song like "Bungalow Bill" or "Sexy Sadie" would save having to insult someone directly. If only I had a skill like that and I could write songs like that. Then I wouldn't have to think of comebacks when I'm being "dissed" by whoever the person is.

Interestingly, George is the least experimental of the three, having made far-out musical statements from Revolver to Magical Mystery Tour. He gets political in "Piggies" however. He's put down his sitar and is finding his sense of self. Ironically, he did this in India where the Beatles came for meditation and musical inspiration. He's blossoming as a songwriter on this record. Another thing that would drive a wedge between The Beatles at the end of the career.

A lot of the songs on the record are minimally produced. Considering they were composing most of their songs on acoustic guitar, this wasn't surprising. It makes the louder bits (Yer Blues, Helter Skelter and Birthday) all the more surprising. The White Album has this diverse approach throughout. Paul writes with versatility. He can ape any pop style whether it's reggae (Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da) or surf rock (Back in The USSR). He can do more obscure styles as well. We hear a bluesy vocal in the latter part of "Cry Baby Cry" that we never hear again. This originally was to be a song in its own right called "Can You Take Me Back" but was added to John's song instead.

Despite there being 30 songs on the album, there were many which do not make the final cut. "Junk" and "Teddy Boy" were both released on Paul's first album, "Sour Milk Sea" was covered by Jackie Lomax, a song written/produced by George. Meanwhile, John's "Child Of Nature" became "Jealous Guy". This was because Paul wrote the superior "Mother Nature's Son" about the same topic. Besides it was for the best that it became "Jealous Guy" anyway. Another song by John, "What's The New Mary Jane" was wisely unreleased.

With an album as long as The White Album, it won't be that much of a shock to that there is some filler. You have to really focus to listen to "Revolution 9", George's tracks also falter on the second disc because they don't stand out as much as the tracks surrounding them. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Unlike most double-albums, the album is not indulgent or pretentious. You feel that they're doing it because they have so much ground to cover rather than because they can.

So in conclusion, there are neither hidden messages about Paul's death nor racial metaphors. However, the songs are definitely deeper in meaning than anything that came before except Don't Pass Me By possibly...

The Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour

2009-10-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

In August 1967, The Beatles manager, Brian Epstein died from an overdose of barbituates. If The Beatles was a dog, this would be the equivalent of it having a leg amputated. But like Tripod, my three-legged dog, the Beatles carried on regardless. One of their first projects without Epstein was the TV movie, Magical Mystery Tour. The idea behind this was for the Fab Four to drive around in a bus doing very little but sing songs, make cracks at one another and generally trip out. Unlike A Hard Day's Night and Help!, the cracks here were improvised, so the indulgence in the project could not be blamed on any scriptwriters but the Fab Four themselves.

Unsurprisingly, the film was a dismal failure. However, some kids were inspired by it when they were at film school, namely Steven Spielberg. Although any resemblance between his films and Magical Mystery Tour is fictional and any similarities are entirely coincidental. An soundtrack album was released into the market containing singles made around the same time. While we got a measly double EP, the Yanks got their hands on a fully fledged album - the only decent US Beatles album worth getting.

Musically, we're dealing with Sgt. Pepper Mk. II, but the difference this time around is that the material is more accessible and more poppy due to the fact that the album is made up of songs intended to be released as singles. We have an intro like Sgt. Pepper in the form of the song, "Magical Mystery Tour". The drug references seem more obvious than anything on Sgt. Pepper ("Roll up for the mystery tour" and "mystery tour" for starters). It starts briskly but slows down and we deal with an ambient piano at the end.

"The Fool on The Hill" by Paul McCartney is next. The context is not much different to the idea in John Lennon's "Nowhere Man", a loner who is alone with his thoughts. The difference between the two songs is that Lennon's song has a more philosophical approach. This is not to say that "Fool on The Hill" is a bad song, far from it, but Nowhere Man requires more thought in its listening. The first instrumental since "Cry For A Shadow" follows next in "Flying". While "Cry For A Shadow" was a spoof of Cliff Richard's mates, "Flying" is far more serious. It makes good incidental music and that's all that is needed from it really. The beginning could make a good sample on a rap track, but that's just my personal opinion.

Ahhh, make sure when you meet George Harrison, you don't get lost, otherwise he'll write a song about it and make sure you never forget it. That's right, I'm talking about "Blue Jay Way". The song seems to go on a while. However, it sounds trippy and does not deviate from the rest of the tracks in terms of accessibility too much. Paul turns silly on "Your Mother Should Know" and is one of many of his songs that is musically timeless but fluff lyrically. The milkman will be able to whistle the tune but he won't be able to tell what the words are about. Speaking of lyrical fluff, here comes "I Am The Walrus". While Paul wrote lyrical fluff without thinking, John is deliberately out to confuse the crap of the listener and people who were over-analysing the lyrics. It works, unlike other deliberately confusing songs such as "Solar Prestige A Gammon" by Elton John. The chorus is catchy as well and requires audience participation. Just don't ask the band to play it live.

The A-side of "Walrus" was "Hello Goodbye" which is slightly more coherent but still kind of silly. You have to admire how Paul came to compose it though. Getting the person he was talking to to say the opposite of what he was saying. About the single, John would say "B-side" while Paul would say "A-side". Paul won, and "Walrus" was put as the B-side. John and Paul wrote the "concept single" made up of their childhood memories. Strawberry Fields Forever sounds sonically out there like it did back in 1967. Penny Lane sounds more youthful with its lyrics sounding like a child whittering on about what he did at school that day. It was beaten to Number 1 by Engelbert Humperdinck's "Release Me" but the fact we're still talking about Strawberry Fields and Penny Lane to this day means that Englebert might have won the battle but The Beatles certainly won the war.

"Baby You're A Rich Man" is made up of two different songs put together like "I've Got A Feeling" on Let It Be. You've got the verses by John and the chorus by Paul. This is the best way they seemed to work. Paul was able to draw in the listener and get them singing along while John gave the song questions for them to ask and therefore a bit of depth. Finally we have hippy-anthem, "All You Need Is Love". Despite weird time signatures and a now-cliched theme, the song is a classic. Everyone knows it although it's a shame not everyone follows its message.

Topping Sgt. Pepper would be a mammoth task but The Beatles had a fair go at it. Some songs were written around the time as Sgt. Pepper though, which makes you wonder how good it would have been as a double album...